Never Forgotten

My life means nothing if you’re not a part of it. Why did you leave me, Jordan? Why didn’t you fight, try to stay here with me? And if you couldn’t do that… why didn’t you take me with you?1

I’m sitting here all alone on the cold hard ground, crying because you’re so close, and at the same time, so far away… six feet below me and hundreds of miles above me. Why does it have to be like this? Why couldn’t it have been me? Why couldn’t that car have come at us from my side of the road?2

The doctors tell me that they did all they could. They thought they could stop the blood pouring out of the gash across your chest, and you’d be all right. They didn’t realize that you were bleeding internally as well… at least, not until it was too late to save you. They were focussed on me; they thought that I was in more danger - because all my injuries could be seen. I feel so guilty.3

Without you, Jordan, I’m an empty shell; just continuing to exist as best I can… and slowly cracking up under the pressure of pretending that I’m okay. Because I’m not. And I never will be - at least, not until we can be together once more. And when I do join you again, it will be forever. I’ve already endured the agony of losing you once. Nothing could make me give you up a second time.4

I must be going crazy. Look at me! I’m sitting at the head of your grave talking to you. It’s not like you can hear me any better from here than you can from my bedroom… or the shower… or anywhere else I may be when I’m thinking about you, wondering if you can hear the declarations of love that are running through my mind.5

But I still can’t stop myself from sitting here, tracing the engravings on your tombstone. My fingers know the carvings well; I don’t even have to look anymore. I know exactly what’s written there: “Jordan Leigh Moore. 08.08.1988-25.09.2005. This life that once was shall never be forgotten by those who knew.”6

It’s so true. Anyone who knew you, anyone lucky enough to be your friend, anyone privileged enough to have been loved by you… no one could ever forget you. You were always so full of life and love.7

The loss of you has come close to destroying me. My body may be here, moving through life with no real enthusiasm - but my heart and soul are with you… wherever you may be.8

I’m forever yours, Jordan. Not even Death can take that away from me - not truly. You and I… we share a bond. Not love, exactly; it’s deeper than that. You are mine, as surely as the sun rises in the sky each morning… mine before I ever knew you existed… mine for eternity, and beyond. It’s that simple.9

The darkness has been gathering around me as I’ve been sitting here talking to you - and no matter how much I miss you, nothing can persuade me to stay in a cemetery at night. It’s time for me to leave. Time to once again set an invisible mask over my features, and maintain my feeble attempt at normalcy.10

I blow you a kiss as I get to my feet. I don’t say goodbye - I never do. You’re always on my thoughts, no matter where I am. But as always, I turn around one last time as I’m walking away… to read the words etched across your tombstone.11

“This life that once was shall never be forgotten by those who knew…”12