Not once, not once in her life did she laugh. Or, at least not that I can recall. Whenever I would say something funny or stupid or something that was an in-joke with her, she would smile her Mona Lisa smile that I always wondered about, even after she died. I knew she appreciated my jokes, I know she liked them. She said so, and she wouldn't lie to me for the world. It seemed almost physically impossible for her to laugh.1
Near the end of my girlfriend Hannah's life, we spent all the time we could together. She had a brain tumor, and we both knew she was dying. We'd known it for about a month. I lived at her house in the guest bedroom for the last few weeks. She began to have night terrors, which the doctor said was natural for some cases when you know you're going to die. She'd wake up, not even realizing she was awake, and run into my room screaming my name. It chilled my blood and it made me feel so sad. I actually cried one time and held her until she stopped screaming. I let her sleep in my bed and I sat on the end, not getting a wink of sleep that night at all. I just watched her and made sure she was okay.2
The morning after that night terror, she woke up and looked around, having absolutely no idea what she was doing in my bed. "Tom..." she said in a quiet and confused voice. Even her voice broke my heart. 3
"You had a night terror again and you fell back asleep in here." I said, trying to comfort her. I also didn't want to sound like a pervert like I had raped her or something.4
"I'm sorry." Hannah said. "Did I wake you up?"5
That was Hannah. Even if she wasn't at fault, she was always apologizing for something. She was like that, and always tried to make people feel comfortable.6
"It's not a problem." I said, leaning down and kissing her on the forehead. "Do you feel alright today?"7
She smiled at me and nodded. "Yes, actually. Do you think we could go somewhere today?"8
It was music to my ears. I was willing to do anything or go anywhere for her to make her last weeks perfect. If she had told me to go egg the mayor cause it would be funny I would've. Then again, she wouldn't have laughed.9
She said she wasn't hungry and asked to go as soon as possible. I wasn't surprised. She was never hungry anymore, and over the past month or so she had gotten thin. My guess was that it was depression about knowing she was going to die. It really took away her appetite and I was worried. As the days of her life shrank in number, I surprisingly got a little less worried.10
We left for the beach right away. She was afraid of the water and I personally sink like a rock in it. So we stayed on the pier which was just as good. We played the carnival games and ate corn dogs until I think we were both about ready to puke. We saw an old movie at the theater and stayed out until the stars were showing. Well, they were showing if you walked all the way to the end of the pier. Otherwise they'd be invisible because of the lights from the city. When we got all the way to the end of the pier, she put her hands on the wooden railing and said, "It's so beautiful..."11
I put my arms around her waist and said "I love you." Once again, she smiled.12
"I love you too." She said. All of the sudden, her eyes started to flutter and turn into the back of her head.13
"Hannah, sweetie,are you okay?" I asked. My voice may have been louder than usual. I was panicking.14
"I'm d-dizzy." Hannah said. Her body went limp and fell into my arms. 15
My mouth opened but I couldn't say anything. I managed to scream out Hannah's name and tell somebody to call an ambulance. I recall now somebody pulling out their cell phone and calling one, but then I paid no attention to it. I was only thinking about Hannah. "It's okay." I said gently to her, not even sure if she was consious or not. "We'll have a hell of a story to tell on graduation." I was trying to make a joke to lighten everything up. I hated situations like this one.16
Hannah made a small few sounds. It sounded like a laugh. Watching her every move, I saw her chest rise and fall for the last time. She had stopped breathing. And she had laughed...
Author notes
I was bored so I decided to write this. Sad love... My favorite kind of story. Anyway, I hope you like it. Comments are very appreciated. And if you are wondering, brain tumor victims in fact do die that instantly. Oh, and if you can, tell me if I should make this into a whole story or if I should just leave this as a short story. I want opinions!
In a list
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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P9: 'mayor cause if(it) would'
I couldn't imagine what else you could put in this that would make it better than what it already is...It reads like a solid piece, even with its shorter length.
Anyway, great write...
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I'm delighted you think so. It's great to get comments like this from someone whose writing I like so much. I'm starting to think I should do some more short stories.
And thanks again for catching my typo. Has anybody ever told you that you're a pretty good critic?
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It's alright, I don't need a long critiques. I'm glad you read it though, your opinion is always valuable to me.
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Short, sad, and sweet...so to speak. You know I don't applaud unless I really like something, so I hope that makes up for my lack of critique...keep it short, I like it the way it is...you could lengthen it a bit more, but mainly for descriptions...don't turn it into a novel...although...sorry, not making much sense...not feeling like myself today. Bye.
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Thank you so much for the compliment. I haven't heard of Nicholas Sparks before but I'll be sure to check some of his books out. And I'm working on The People I'd Die For. The next chapter is particularly hard to write though! But once again, thank you for the comment and the compliment.
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You've a talent for drawing the readers into your stories and keeping them hanging on until the very last moment - this story was so poignantly sad, short but contained so much and such a powerful meaning - even though Hannah was fictional, she sounded like such a NORMAL strong human - and people most certainly like it when they can identify with it, and feel similiar to.
Really enjoyed reading this particularly because it was sad, I thrive on sad love stories
You cshould check out Nichola Sparks writing, if you havent already read his books - they are my absolute favourite, simply because they are so human-interest related, and almost always contain the death of an important character - so heart wrenching, but so much more enticing!
Nice job on this - I'm keeping my eye out for the next chapter of the people id die for though ... hint hint ...
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Thank you so much, I appreciate the comment.
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I thought this was good as you wrote it, but there is room for expansion and you could make it even more heart wrenching, if you wanted. You could show how they met and/or give them children if you wanted to make it longer. But I like it how it is. You are a good writer
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Oh, wow, thanks! I'm so glad you liked it.
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Thanks so much! I'm going to go check out some of your stuff.
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Holy is that ever sad. Had me crying the whole time I was reading it. You really impact the reader with the words you chose. I really liked this...especially the ending and how it sounded like she was laughing...maybe it was the first time she'd done it in her life or just a fluke but still...very good! I am gonna bookmark this and recommend it to my friends to to read! Awesome job
~Fi~
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Okays for the first paragraph try this:
Not once...not once in her life did she laugh or at least not that I can recall. Whenever I would say something funny or stupid or something that was an in-joke with her, she would smile her Mona Lisa smile (that I always wondered about) even after she died. I knew she appreciated my jokes; knew she liked them. She said so, and wouldn't lie to me for the world. It seemed almost physically impossible for her to laugh.
A hint that someone taught me was that when talking about someone in first person, try not to overdo on certain words such as in this case the word she. Also, a little trick could be made whenever it comes to a certain thoughts...use () sometimes as well
Rae -
OMG WOW this is the greatest story i read all day i loved it and i think you should make this longer cuz it is really good and i was bawling like a baby and i still am i loved this i hope you make it longer cuz i loved it you are a really great writer and this is a really great write i loved it i hope to read more of your work!!!!!!!!! keep it up!!!!!!! thanx for sharing this with all of us here at allpoetry really enjoyed the read
love ya
~*becca*~
ziez
you are a great writer
keep up the great and awesumly awesum work!!!!! -
my class is about to end, but i'll bookmark it and come back later okay!
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Aw, thank you! I made my mom cry too!
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Holy frikkin CRAP! This is so frikkin good!!! It made me cry!! Seriously!! good job!!! Keep it up!
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