Thorns : Chapter 1

Thorns1

By: Stephen White (yellowfeverlime)2

Chapter One:3

Matt walked outside all alone. His thoughts were circling inside his head, but he said nothing outside. What's the point of talking? Matt thought, there's nobody to say anything to anyways. He took a turn around the corner, heading towards a convenience store. He wanted something, but wasn't quite sure what it was. He knew he wanted something... his body was screaming inside of him for it. It was bothering him, so he went outside. His body took him the rest of the way.4

He waited on the side of the street next to the side walk for the cars to slow down and finally stop, allowing him to safely cross the street. It brought back memories to almost two years before this day, when he didn't want to wait for the cars to slow down then eventually stop, and he didn't want to safely cross the street. Besides, the other side of the street wasn't his destination anyways. He wanted to die. It was a simple concept, at least in Matt's mind it was. He had thought everything was too much. Everyone around him knew that, and most of them thought he was crazy. The funny part was that he was crazy, but not necessarily in a psychotic sense.5

Now as he stands here he couldn't believe that he, two years ago, had been willing to take his own life. He could now see the situation from the psychiatrist's point of view, and also his parent's and the pedestrians.6

He was sent to a "Looney Bin" as most of his "so-called" friends called it. The doctor's there pretty much gave up on him when after six month's of Matt giving the whole world the silent treatment they had still made no progress on him.7

**********8

Matt couldn't hang around with his friends all day because his friends went to the school a few miles away from his house.9

Matt wasn't thrown out of his school. He wasn't suspended either. It was just that he was considered a danger to society. His math teacher had put him in the back of the room because she said that if Matt was not going to participate in the classroom activities, then other people who would participate in her class would jump for an opportunity for his seat. Yea, all the math geeks and teacher's pets, Matt had thought while the teacher gave him news of the new seating arrangement. But Matt had not said that out loud. Actually, he had not said anything. He gathered up his stuff and let the weight pull his arms down until his books were resting on his knees as he stared at his math teacher waiting to find his new seat. He said not one word as he was directed to the back of the room, his favorite place. It was directly next to the window. Matt loved to look for the cars that stuck out in the school parking lot, and he related their differences to real life, thinking that if cars could talk, would the car be the outcast all alone in the parking lot.10

Matt took his place in math class that day and he decided to keep himself occupied by not listening to his teacher. Since it was second period, which was an extended period, he had decided that he would use his pen to make carvings in his arm. He was taking the pen in his  hand and he would dig into his arm. It gave him a pleasurable feeling, like what he imagined floating on clouds would feel like. He would dig deeper, and it would seem that the tip of the ballpoint pen would be calling him to dig deeper into his wrist.11

Suddenly he realized that his name had been called out.12

“Matt?” his math teacher asked suspiciously, “What are you doing?”13

Matt looked up but said nothing. He quickly shoved the pen into his binder which was right in front of him. He blinked.14

“Matt,” his math teacher asked in a concerned voice, “Are you OK?”15

Matt nodded and put his head down, hiding his eyes behind his long hair.16

“OK, well, if you were paying attention to what we have been discussing, you would have learned a great deal about graphing using a number line. Now Matt, can you tell me how to graph these two numbers on a number line?”17

Matt shook his head.18

“Matt, I would like to see you after class.”19

Matt shook his head again.20

“Excuse me?”21

Matt looked at her with almost puppy dog eyes, trying to tell her that he did not want to stay after with her. Communicating with his math teacher was harder than usual.22

“Matt, I have asked you to stay after class, and I would like to get on with teaching the rest of the class.” Matt’s math teacher gave him a look of disappointment then shifted her weight to face the other side of the classroom.23

“Now Deborah,” his math teacher began, “Can you help me graph these numbers on this number line? -2>3 and 7=-3x+2”24

“First you have to reduce the right side by subtracting 2 on the right and left side of the equal sign. Then you have to…” Deborah said, and continued on. Matt had spaced out and did not hear all she said. Matt did not like Deborah, who was one of the teacher’s pets in each one of his least favorite classes. She was always raising her hand, even when unnecessary, to kiss up to the teacher’s so she would get a good grade. Matt did not know if her trick worked or not, but if she keeps on doing it, it must be worth it.25

But Matt continues to space out every now and then, sometimes snapping into reality to catch a long and hard to pronounce math term that he did not understand.26

Suddenly his hand hits something jagged. He does not quiver. He does not feel any pain. It is just a part of him. He feels around for the jagged piece of something only to notice that it was a piece of his notebook wire that was sticking out. His wrist had rubbed against it as he was getting his pen to continue digging into his wrist.27

Suddenly he smiles. He smiles for the first time in months, over a piece of metal.28

He takes the wire and twists it in and out of the notebook holes, then around his finger numerous times until it is suitable enough for him to rip it off without his fingers continuously slipping off of the metal. Trying to rip the notebook wire was harder than he had expected. But after a while he finally saw a perfectly flat end piece of metal no longer connected to the rest of the notebook.29

For a few seconds he looks up at his math teacher, who was now writing letters and numbers on the white chalkboard that was once a dark forest green. He acts like he is paying attention, and when his math teacher looks back and sees him paying attention for once, she seems slightly pleased.30

As soon as she turns around when she is satisfied with an answer that the boy in front of Matt gives, Matt straightens out the curved piece of metal into a straight line. He takes the piece of metal and rubs it on the desk with incredible speed to make it really hot and to also sharpen the edge. He looks at his wrist and brings the piece of metal down something that appears like it is a vein, and with each movement the piece of metal gets deeper and deeper into his skin until finally his skin cracks open and a single drop of blood appears out of nowhere. After watching his left arm crying red tears, he goes back over the cut, but this time he cuts deeper. Then deeper. He cuts farther and farther down his arm, then he feels it stop. It feels so good. He does not want to stop. But when he looks up, he no longer sees his math teacher doing equations on the board, but he sees white. Nothingness. It feels so relaxing, and his whole body is no longer tense. He can hear something, it sounds like screaming, but he doesn’t care. As long as he can feel that amazing sense of relaxation, he couldn’t care if he had heard explosions.31

What seems like moments later to Matt, he is staring at his mother and father standing over him.32

“Honey, Oh my goodness… Honey, we love you. We would never do anything to you. How… why would you do something like this.” Matt’s mother said, choking back tears until she could no longer hold them back, then bursts into tears.33

Matt has to look away, so he slowly diverts his attention to his father. His father just stands there emotionless. He looks pale. Matt still hears his mother’s sobbing, but, though unaware of it taking place, his eyes slowly close on him and he is fast asleep again.34

©2006 Yellowfeverlime35