New Huston:Chapter One (this is a story)

It was a dark December day in New Huston. Maria Stringer, dressed in her short skirt and low top shivered. She walked towards the Black Block that was her home. It was also the eyesore of the city, and designed as such by rich Patriarchs.1

She went towards the entrance where she met with the Patriarch of her floor, Anthony Alexander. He glared at her, and for a moment she knew he wished he were richer. If only to avoid this job. The corridor smelled of dust. She could just see the picture of the President. Sometimes, only for a moment, she could see herself in him. The picture had simple bold writing THE PRESIDENT IS THE EYES OF THE LORD. DISOBEY HIM AND DIE. It was bigger than usual, in preparation for the Cleansing. People were going to vanish, and the eyes of GOD would determine who would go.2

"Undress," she heard him order. For a moment it seemed almost comical. But, soon he was forcing her into her own outfit, worn, torn and generally broken. Even after all these years it still didn't strike her as enjoyable. She saw him say something into the microphone, to another Patriarch, maybe a Master. She went upstairs, knowing she was being watched. There were cameras, after all, in every room of every building, watched by Patriarchs. She wondered- would she be next? Would she vanish? And what was vanishing, but dying?3

She entered her room. The world outside felt cold but an ice cold chill was in the room. It was as though she was afraid to live her life anymore. It wasn't her life, after all. You didn't own your own life, and she certainly couldn't dream of escape.4

She read the slogans that peered at her through the window.5

PURITY THROUGH LUST6

HEALTH THROUGH ILLNESS7

POWER THROUGH WEAKNESS8

Somehow she felt they were addressed at her. And if so, was she pure? Was she well? Was she powerful? Because, she felt after all, passion, she felt ill, she felt weak.9

She fell to the ground with the pain of the day. She felt ill, and just as she fell to the ground, she started being sick. She screamed, upset.10

"Jo," she called to her sister, "Go to the chemist. The patriarch, he will let you go won't he?"11

"I hope so," as the only reply. Nothing was certain. The patriarch was in control, he could choose to let her get medicine; he could choose not to save her life. It was all so simple for him, though of course he answered to any master. And, even masters answered in a hierarchy.12

Jo looked at her and took her to the small bunk bed. She placed her on the bottom bunk. Then, Jo took the ID card and went downstairs. "Right, I'm going," she said, quietly.13

Jo showed the card to the patriarch. She knew she wouldn't find the medicine in the chemists but somehow she couldn't tell Maria. Maria was innocence itself, it wasn't right to put her through this. She followed a dark passageway until she came to a house.14

She knocked on the small black door. A small, thin woman opened the door. Jo looked at her, trying to understand her. A small weak woman with ragged clothes, so dirty. She obviously worked in the gardens, planting flowers for patriarchs. But she knew her real job, so why did she worry?15

"She's ill."16

"How? Come in, shut the door," she said quietly.17

"She fell to the ground with stomach cramps. She was sick. It's really bad."18

"It'll be her work."19

Jo looked down. Why had she never worked in such a dangerous job? She only did the dirty jobs no master ever wanted and no patriarch could ever do; cleaning toilets, washing drains, that kind of thing. But, Maria. She shuddered to think of the diseases she could have.20

The woman looked at her, slowly. For a moment Jo looked at her fingers. It seemed like she had been wearing a ring- on the finger the wives wore their rings on. But, she was unmarried. 21

"Take this," the woman whispered, giving Jo a book and the medicine. Jo took them, staring at the yellow pages of the book, worn with age. She started reading it.22

Dear reader it began23

By the time you are reading this, I will be dead. But, I am already dead. And so are you. We are dead for thinking this way. So, what is new? This is only the history, to date, of the party. It was established three hundred years ago. Why? To avoid slavery, stop religious extremity and create equality. But, the true party, the one we are really led by was established at the beginning of this millennium. It lost an election but still took over the country, making the party leader president. Fifty years ago he gave his position over to Richard Stringer. Stringer, that was Maria's name. Jo couldn't help but consider it her surname. It was the name she signed on all the forms. This was the thing that she made herself. He had to. It was that or give it to the great patriarch, Anthony Brier. Brier? She knew boys called that, never men of course- men were masters, but boys over forty years old. And, Brier, of course, already owned the state of New London. He was a patriarch, he ran a nation. New London had been run in the past by many people; women, men, patriarchs, masters. Women? A woman in power?24

Jo put the rest in her pocket. She needed to read it at home. She couldn't read it now. She took it with her, walking back through the dark alleyway. She could hear women singing songs in the darkness I don't care what you are, I know you, just let me love you in the morning It was a simple song of love and passion, sung in a complex age. She went home and gave her the medicine. It was then she set the book down on the table. Where anyone could see it.25

Author notes

Please critique the story.
I didn't 'borrow' from 1984, but I did borrow ideas from 1984, therefore I credit it here

What did you think? Please comment!

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Comments

1 - 7 of 7

  • stillinnirvana
    February 4, 2006
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    Hmm 1984 doesn't george orvile or is it orwell or something like that write it. Well any ways so far I like your book it does have some faults like grammar that confuse me but yet it is still good and I won't give up reading it until you have finished this book.


  • faggityann
    February 4, 2006
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    haha whoa the author comment got me because i was thinking that before i even read your comment. it's by no means exactly the same, it just has a couple similarities, like the propaganda poster here or the three slogans in part 3.

  • Skyhawk-Lustrus
    January 7, 2006
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    Excellent

    THis was well written no doubt, the words wher well chosen, grammer and tense well used, the flow was also good. Nonetheless, i felt it could have bit of more clarity in some areas such as paragraph 3, where it says "Take it off" What was she taking off, was it something she was hiding or was she undressing, and if so it would be nice to state it so, this is because it would give a much better picture of what is going. I was almost confused thinking he was ordering her to take down the picture of the Patriarch.
    Where you say "Maria? How" Probably you don't need to mention her name as she is someone known to you two, well in the tone of the conversation when she said "she is ill". And also assuming she is the only sibbling Jo has but if not then keep the name, Or re-introduce th other sibbling later on.
    When she says "Take this, it would be better to say she gave you a book seperately rather than just say "take this" and go straight to reading without us knowing if she gave you any medicine, -since that was the main reason she went there. Hope you see my gist.
    In the Last stanza, instead of saying "she saw Maria and gave her the medicine" Just say "She went home and gave her the medicine" We the reader already know who you mean.
    Very well done, makes you rad on because we want to know, what next, who they are, and why they do or did whatever.
    Lovely reading.

  • Skyhawk-Lustrus
    January 5, 2006
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    Come back to comment when i have read it. Thanks for the comment on mine the other day.

  • cafegroundzero
    January 5, 2006
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    Continue working on this; it's promising

    I appreciate the effort and thought that went into this. The borrowing from George Orwell's 1984 is understandable, but the author should include some mention of the work in her or his notes. I think that would only add too the story, bringing a historical and literary perspective.

  • pattyann4500
    January 5, 2006
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    I don't think I've ever seen a story from you. This is sad, but it's also wonderfully written. Great job! Hugs, Patricia


  • Puppydog gold member
    January 4, 2006
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    A WONDERFUL STORY.

    Ah, such a sad story of ones life accepted as it is now lived. But there is always a few who will hold onto what they believe in their hearts. This is a very touching story and one that I enjoyed reading. It took me to a place where I imagine we may be heading in the distant future.

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