Beyond The Cancer

The summer sun's rays crept onto my face as my alarm clock's blaring rings identified the time as 10:00 AM. I blinked against the irritating brightness and reluctantly got out of bed. As the music emitting from my brother's boom box reached my ears, my senses sharpened and the importance of the day came back to me. In no time, I had snatched my telephone receiver off my bedside table and had hastily punched in my best friend Melissa's number. I impatiently paced my bedroom as three rings passed, undisrupted. It was finally answered by an enthusiastic squeal, a squeal I had become acquainted with as Melissa's usual way to express intense excitement.1

" Aaaaaah! Robin is that you? " She continued almost immediately, without waiting for a reply. " What time did you sleep last night!? I tried to reach you about ten times today already! The last time I called, it was past 9:30 and you were still asleep! I was afraid you might sleep the whole day, right through the concert! " I smiled as my mouth loaded up with ammunition to defend myself against Melissa's coming war of exaggerated accusations. " Oh… I stayed up until two in the morning, staring up at the ceiling, thinking about today. You know… I was just too excited, my eyes refused to shut! " I could imagine her nodding vigorously, head bobbing up and down at the other end as she agreed. " Yeah, I know! I hardly slept. My mom forced me into bed but I sneaked out after the lights were put out and reviewed the lyrics and printed more pictures. I made two collages on poster board and I think they look really neat... one's for you... you can hang it up on your door or put it up in your room." Before I could open my mouth to thank her, she went rambling on. "I got my favorite pen out… you know the red and black one with " Simple Plan " written all over it, and made sure it looked great and was ready for autographing. Then I just sat staring at the tickets as if they could hasten time, and then I might have drowsed off for a bit, because when I woke it was 6 o' clock. " To my relief my friend seemed quite content with my excuse, and had launched into her usual laquacious talk mode, so I casually carried on the conversation. " Even though there are only a few hours left, it feels like its going to be years before the concert starts! And I still can't believe that I'm actually going with you… it's way too good to be true! Sometimes I feel like my mind's playing tricks on me, as if it's all part of some kind of hallucination! " I could hardly control my zeal as I bounded up and down on the unmade bed, the cordless gripped tightly in my right hand. " Well… as they say, life's one big delusion… so I guess you can call this whole thing a dream- a dream come true! " Melissa's little sister, Kristina, was whining stubbornly in the background, and I successfully stifled a giggle as I heard Melissa telling her off. A series of fake sobs took over, loud and unpleasant, and I wisely put my hands over my ears to prevent myself from going deaf. In a short while, Melissa's voice was back on the line. " Uh, Robin- I have to go now. My sister's back to her baby days, throwing tantrums again- SHUT UP YOU IDIOT! – Sorry, you wouldn't understand the terrors of having an oaf as your sister. Just be ready around 5 o' clock, alright? I'll be there. " And before I could inform her on my agreement, she had cleverly hung up, with the good intentions of avoiding the risk of her sister receiving several bruises. The monotonous sound of the phone had replaced Melissa's voice, and I sighed as I put down the phone, truly feeling sympathetic for her. My big brother was one of those miracles of nature… just the perfect sibling. Understanding, caring, kind, honest… all the qualities you would want in a brother, you could find in him. There wasn't a time he had annoyed me or expressed delight at the sight of my tears.2

I had known Melissa since kindergarten, although we had been arch rivals back then. The main reason behind our hatred for each other (well... at least my hatred towards her) then was that she had accidentally broken my pencil once, and as the ignorant little kid I was, I never forgave her for it. While most of the kids admired her, I plotted against her every school day and made my own circle of anti- Melissa kindergarten-ers. During the last recess on a hazy May afternoon, I lead an attack on her. We ripped her clothes into shreds and drenched them in muddy rain-water puddles, hacked into all her belongings and damaged them, stuck chewed bright pink bubblegum in her hair, and to add an even grander touch to the assault, we made her 'walk the plank' right into the deep end of the school swimming pool. Fortunately, one of the school janitors heard her screams for help, dived daringly into the pool ( although he later claimed he didn't know how to swim ), and heroically rescued her from drowning. Within the next hour, we were submitted into the Principal's office, where our guardians sat scowling at us with the " wait till we get home " looks lingering on their faces. And surprisingly enough, when I did get home, my mom started one of her deep, forever-lasting lectures, but the only lines that I caught were " Robin, I am really disappointed in you" and " I still cannot believe my sweet daughter could have been a murderer at 6. " Her misty grey, unblinking eyes bore into mine, probing into me and rousing my guilty conscience. I suddenly realized that I had not understood the consequences of my actions, and spent the whole night hating myself and shedding tears onto my pillow. The next morning, as I tried my best to avoid accusing stares, I decided I would apologize to Melissa for my ruthless actions… that is, if she even attended school. As we filed up to enter our classroom, Melissa approached me. I quickly looked away to shun eye contact and started to fumble with the zipper on my backpack. I could see her near me from the corners of my eyes and waited, prepared for the kick or punch that would come my way anytime soon. I was taken aback when instead of yelling at me, she spoke in the most mannered and friendly tone, her round sky-blue eyes looking steadily into mine. " Robin? Robin? Robin listen… I have to tell you something. " I looked up from my backpack and gazed silently into her solemn blue eyes as they latched into mine. I seized my chance and straight away launched into my apologies. " Look Melissa… I'm sorry. I don't know why- " I was interrupted by Melissa, who now wore a smile on her face. " No, no, no! Robin, I'm sorry! I shouldn't have broken your pencil. You did what any other kid would have done in your place… I deserved what I got. " I could hardly believe my ears. Melissa, of all people, Melissa was trying to make me feel better! And apologizing for breaking a pencil… a cheap little pencil, was something not everyone would do... I was sure I would never bother. A tear rolled down my face as I thought of how Melissa had said that anyone else in the situation would have done the same as me. I knew she was trying to console me and was more than aware now that I would be the only one who would even dare try such a heartless thing. I felt at fault more than I ever had before. I hugged Melissa as hard as I could and whispered into her ear, " Let's be friends, alright? Best friends… "3

Sentiments washed over me as I remembered the bright twinkle in her eyes and innocence in her smile. Since then, we had been very close, always there for each other during the toughest of times and always side by side together, sharing fun filled moments of our lives. Melissa: the loquacious, forgiving, outgoing, hyper one. And me: the shy, understanding, clever, and extremely stubborn one.4

My thoughts were cut off as I heard my mother's feet clambering up the stairs, probably coming up to investigate why I hadn't showed up downstairs yet. Oblivious to the " Do Not Enter " sign hung untidily on my door, she entered my room. When she saw me relaxing on the wrinkled sheets, her mouth right away opened in objection. But in a split second, her jaws froze as her sober grey eyes fastened over my nose. She stood transfixed, her eyes bulging, eyebrows drawn together, almost touching, as horror flickered over her face. Nothing but a single, harsh gasp escaped her. I anxiously raised my hand to my nose to find out for myself what had triggered her unexpected reaction. A viscous liquid dribbling down from my left nostril made contact with my index finger. I rolled my eyes at her in exasperation and withdrew a tissue from the bedside table. " Mom! " I groaned, not being able to contain my irritation as I dabbed carelessly at my nostrils. " Why are you such a neat freak?! You know I was down with the flu last week… only boogers, mom! It happens to every- " I was stopped abruptly, the remaining words on my tongue whisked away by a reddish tinge on my index finger. Puzzled, I picked up the tissue, trying to figure out the origination of the red speck. My heart skipped a beat as the bright red splotches on the previously immaculate tissue came to my notice. I stood up, bewildered… wanting to deny the fact that I had even seen it. I stared at the bed, my mind somewhere else in deep thought, when I became aware of the crimson-red smudges smeared onto the pillow. I gulped, wanting to believe that my eyes were deceiving me… as if it was all just a part of some nightmare, a nightmare that would dissolve into my thoughts and vanish completely in a couple of hours when I finally awoke. I knew exactly what this substance was, but my mind would not accept it. Confused, I tried to search for the meaning behind it all. I forced myself to believe this was nothing more than a regular nose-bleed, but the fact that an ordinary nose-bleed couldn't have drenched half of a pillow case nagged consistently at my mind.5

" Okay... so it's blood. Probably just a nose- bleed. So what Mom... still no big deal. " I assured her, trying to comfort myself as well. I could hear my voice wavering, so evidently unsure of the point, unconfident and afraid. My mom snapped out of her shock and hurried to my side. She looked directly into my eyes, piercing in, and I uneasily looked away. Concern and worry were embedded clearly on her color-drained face, making my stomach feel queasy. She slipped her hand under my chin and slowly lifted up my head, cornering me, compelling me to look into her eyes. " All I care about is you, Robin. I may be a neat freak, but I just want us to lead a healthy life... you know what happened to your father. It pains me to think that I could easily have prevented his disease by being a little more careful. I was responsible for his death, and I don't want to lose you or Dennis the same way I lost him. You're all I have now... and I'll do anything to keep you two near me. " I could sense her voice cracking, her desire to cry. But she firmly held her tears back, being as much of an adult and a good example as she could. Without a moment's hesitation, I wrapped my arms around her as tight as I could and held her, trying to grant her consolation. " It's okay Mom... no one's blaming you, and you definitely don't have to blame yourself. Things happen Mom... things beyond anyone's control... and then you just have to face them as they come, preparing for the worst. " She nodded, stood up, and pulled me up to my feet. " I love you honey... that's all you need to know. And I love Dennis. I just don't want you two to leave me... you are my precious jewels... worth much, much, much more to me than the most expenive diamond necklace or a wad of dollar bills marked 'one million.' You are the only stars in my dark life, and if you disappear... shadows will take over, and my life won't have a purpose." I smiled despite the drops of blood that came splattering onto my top. " I know Mom... I know " I murmured softly. As my mom became aware of the red stain, she briskly made her way to the telephone. She picked up the reciever and skimmed through the telephone directory until she found the number she was searching for. She nervously dialed it, her hands darting over the buttons as if competing in some kind of race. As she wrung her hands in restlessness, she glanced at me and swiftly shot me a reassuring smile. " I'm going to call the doctor... I'm sure he can clarify things for us."6