1I was two years old, and was already learning how to read. Nothing special, the Lumberjack sign every time we'd drive by the hardware store and words on things I saw all the time. I was smart for that age, but it wasn't until I was reading the exit sign at the hospital October 16, 1984 that I really knew that my mother was pregnant. That would be the day my sister was born. Unlike me who finally knocked my mother on her face with a good kick two weeks after my due date, Nanci was born a month early. I was excited and all, but the next month or two would be really hard for my two year old mind to understand. 2
Partly because of the fact that she was born early and partly because of my mother's epilepsy medication and smoking, NannerBannaner's skull wasn't fully developed. They literally could see her brain. I never got to see her of course. I knew of her condition, but it wasn't until a few years ago that I was told that.3
She spent a few months in the hospital and had three surgeries, two on her head and one to repair a small hole in her heart. I remember right after the last surgery, grandma and grandpa took me to the hospital gift shop to buy a gift for her as she'd be coming home soon. I bought her a book. I knew how to read, I assumed she knew too. Grandma told me she didn't know how yet, so I decided I'd read the story about the Mr. Rabbit and his garden to her myself.4
Once NannerBannaners got home, she was still to small to play with. They wouldn't let me play with her or even hold her. That made me mad. I wanted to play with my sister. I noticed that she seemed to like to play nap time a lot. Mommy and daddy were always in the other room calling each other bad words (like dumb and stupid). I figured they would make me take a nap anyway as well, so I'd climb into the crib with her and protect her from the bad words. I was big sister, I was supposed to do stuff like that.5
6NannerBannaners would have three more surgeries by the time she was 4 years old. Two more on her head, and one more to re-patch that hole in her heart. I remember those, especially the last one. I was taller than her (still am); and when I stood behind her, I could see the staples on the back of her head once they took the special hat off her. One day we were heading out the door and she was in front of me. I turned to grandma and finally asked, "Mamoo, why does Nanci have a zipper on her head? What will happen if I unzip her?" She laughed and told me not to try. In reality, I didn't want to try. I wanted to know where my zipper was. 7
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love, Patricia
