Dark Fury

 1

Phillip said to his brother, as he brushed his sandy blonde hair from his blue smiling eyes, "I saw her again last night in my dream."2

"You're possessed," complained his older brother Charles, as he and Phillip planted seed in the freshly plowed field. Charles had about the same large build as Phillip though even heavier. His blue eyes were similar to his younger brother's but his expression and demeanor were always serious. Sweat dripped from his wavy dark brown hair.3

"She comes to me and caresses me in the night," said Phillip, with excitement in his voice.4

"You are really losing it," admonished Charles. "You're in love with a phantom, a ghost. You're haunted by this woman. She must be evil."5

"My thoughts are always of her. Often I smell her jasmine scent, whether awake or in my sleep. I feel the soft touch of her ivory skin and her silky black flowing hair," said Phillip wistfully.6

"You're mad. Quite mad, my dear brother. Peasant farmers such as you and I will never know such a woman. You have been bewitched."7

"In my dreams she tells me I'm her knight," said Phillip.8

"You can never be a knight; you have no noble blood."9

"Perhaps, but when I think of her, I have the courage and the strength of a knight," returned Phillip, sincerely.10

"Nonsense! We are peasants and will forever be peasants."11

12

13

Terrified of the dragon, the people of the kingdom would choose a young maiden to sacrifice in an effort to appease the horrid creature. Brave knights would go to fight the dragon, but they never returned. Still, the dragon was not satisfied. Children, men, and women would vanish without a trace and the people of the region knew it to be the dragon. Fear constantly plagued the townsfolk.14

It was a huge bird of prey, deep brownish-red in color, terrible green eyes with red diamond shaped pupils, massive wings, and legs and arms with vicious talons. It had a ferociously, fiery breath, which it seemed nothing could withstand.15

So the people of the kingdom chose a maiden as a gift for the evil beast. They hoped the offering would make the dragon spare the rest of the kingdom for a month at which time they would offer another young woman. The chosen virgin cried, begged, and pleaded to be spared as they dragged her to a tree on a hill. They tied her to the tree and left her, begging to be saved. She awaited the dragon, doomed to be its next meal.16

The sun was going down and red clouds streaked the darkening blue sky. Like a shadow the dragon swooped down from the clouds and took the maiden, slicing the rope from her with its claws. Back into the clouds it flew over the hills to its lair, the crystal cave. Scattered about the floor of the cave were the bones of the victims who had become the food of the vicious winged lizard.17

The young maiden stood frozen in fear as the evil creature gazed at her with appetite and desire. She stood petrified as the dragon ripped her linen garb from her. Goose bumps covered her delicate naked skin. Her fresh, tender meat tempted the dragon beyond control. With tremendous force the dragon tore open her torso, spilling her innards. The maiden died almost instantly. With the flames of its breath, the dragon roasted her. Then it began to dine.18

19

20

Haunted by the woman of his dreams, Phillip began to search the kingdom to find her. He could not rid his heart of the madness she left there. The image of her face was planted permanently in his mind. He had no idea where he might find her, but he knew that he must. The young man was determined in his quest. For months he searched the villages and cities of the kingdom. His brother, Charles, thought he was quite insane but knew he couldn't stop Phillip.21

In a dream she came to him, her beauty exquisite, and said, "Soon you must fight for me, my knight."22

"But I cannot fight. I have no skill and no weapon. I'm merely a peasant farmer."23

"You will have all that you need," she answered. 24

Echoing in his head he could hear her repeating, "You will have all that you need."25

26

27

The king of Britain had two daughters. There was the younger, Seryphina, who had golden hair and emerald eyes. The other, which the people thought to be evil, had black hair and dark eyes, hypnotic eyes. They both held great beauty and were of age, though neither were yet married. Seryphina was promised to the prince of another province while it was rumored that the elder sister, Aspasia, would never marry. Aspasia was a sorceress and had a black panther as a companion. Seryphina was to marry in order to secure an alliance between the two principalities, Britain and Normandy.28

29


"You'll be my lover, my knight," said the woman who haunted his mind, as he fitfully slept. "You're my warrior. You must kill the dragon."30

"How can I? I am but a simple man."31

"Do you love me?" asked the woman in his dream.32

"Yes, you know I do," answered Phillip with heart, mind, and soul. In the dream he could feel her caressing his body and kissing him. They made love. When he awoke he felt wetness from the excitement of his dream.33

He told Charles about the dream, but not quite all the details. He was embarrassed about that. Every night that followed, Phillip had the same dream. Then one night, while he was still sleeping, Charles woke him from his slumber. "Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!" exclaimed Charles.34

Stunned, Phillip shouted, "What in heaven?"35

"Come look!"36

In the main room of their cottage was a suit of shiny black armor, a black shield with a red crest with a black panther on it, and a mighty sword.37

"What kind of evil is this?" worried Charles.38

"Evil or not, the suit is for me and I must wear it."39

"Phillip you can't, it is black magic!"40

"I must."41

"Look outside, there is a horse!" exclaimed Charles, excitedly.42

The horse had a shiny rich black coat, a red blanket, a black saddle with silver trim, and red and silver trim on the reins.43

"It is time. I must leave," said Phillip.44

"You can't! You can't fight the dragon! You know nothing about fighting dragons."45

"I have a promise to keep," replied Phillip.46

"You'll be killed," said Charles with finality.47

Phillip donned the armor and mounted the horse. He left for the hills in search of the dragon's lair.48

49

50

Seryphina walked in the gardens by the castle. She enjoyed the late afternoon breeze and the temperature was mild. A slight hint of rain permeated the air, although the clouds were not fully covering the sky. It made the horizon beautiful as the sun went down with yellows, reds, and purples in the darkening sky.51

Seryphina pondered her coming marriage to the prince of Normandy. She knew how important it was to the two kingdoms, but she was still apprehensive of the arranged nuptials. She had only met the prince once and he was ten years older than she.52

A shadow crossed her path suddenly. The dragon rarely attacked people in the village and she was surprised when she heard the rush of air from its wings. The pain as it grasped her sides was excruciating, as with hardly a jerk it lifted her into the air.53

She knew she was doomed and began to prepare herself for her demise. Silently, she cried as her tears began to streak her cheeks, and her nose ran.54

55

56

Aspasia had seen it in her crystal ball many times and this time it was really happening. Shadow, her panther, lay by her side; she stroked him and said, "Don't worry," although Aspasia herself was deeply concerned. Had she chosen the right man, would his heart be strong enough to overcome his fear, and did he love her enough to risk his life for her? She did not know. That had not as yet appeared in her crystal ball. Was it already too late for her sister, Seryphina? Trained knights had gone before Phillip and had fallen before the dragon. Was it madness to believe her magic could give Phillip the skill necessary to drive the massive sword home?57

Should she have prevailed upon her father to have sent his army after the dragon? They had hunted it before with no success. She could have told him of the image in the ball and he would have sent every able bodied man to hunt the beast. 'No,' she thought. 'The dragon is a magical creature and must be destroyed by magic.' Nevertheless, her fear for her sister would not subside.58

59

60

Phillip knew not where he was going nor where to search. He knew only that he must go on and he must search. His mind was in a turmoil and his brain was tormented by images of his dream lover and the fear that he might fail her. He had no fear of death nor of the dragon. His fear was only of failure. Although he had never met his dream lover and, in fact, did not know if she really existed,; he now lived and would die for her. He knew he must go with speed. Riding the black steed hard he continued, anticipating the coming struggle.61

Directed by a force he did not understand, he found a cave. Its walls were made of crystal and for some reason, light emanated from them. It was quite bright inside. The floor was littered with bones and skulls. He knew he had found the lair of the dragon, but there was no dragon. He had no choice but to wait. He hunted for a place to hide.62

Soon the dragon arrived with a woman with golden hair in its grasp. Her beauty was only surpassed by the woman of his dreams. He had no idea that they were both daughters of the king. He knew he must save her, but that meant he had to kill the dragon and he didn't know how.63

The dragon set Seryphina down and began to eye her with hunger. She was dressed in the fashion of royalty. There were fresh blood stains on her beautiful gown. Phillip understood that he must act fast.64

Aspasia cried as she watched in her crystal ball. There seemed nothing she could do. She was unable to communicate with her knight.65

Realizing he must do something or it would be too late for the young woman, Phillip stepped into sight of the dragon. The beast immediately blew flames in his direction. The heat from the creature's fiery breath was intense, but the armor helped to protect him. Knowing he could not approach the dragon from the front, he struggled to stay behind it and the monster swung at him with its tail. Staying behind the dragon and anticipating its moves, he tried to plan how to strike. The dragon caught him hard with his tail, knocking him down.66

It was difficult for Phillip to move quickly in the suit of armor. Aspasia felt that all was lost as she watched her knight in her crystal ball. Then with strength beyond belief, Phillip was back on his feet with sword in hand. Again he got behind the dragon. He stabbed the dragon on one side of its huge tail, making it turn toward him. Knowing the direction the dragon would turn, Phillip plunged his sword perfectly into the dragon's heart guided by an aim not his own. The dragon fell dead.67

"Are you all right?" Phillip asked Seryphina. Though there was blood at the sides of her silk dress, the talons had done no great harm.68

"I think so," she said weakly. Then she fainted and fell to the ground. Aspasia watched with concern and relief.69

Phillip attended Seryphina until she regained consciousness. Her wounds were not serious.70

71


"Do you know who I am?" Seryphina asked him when she regained consciousness.72

"No, but you're probably someone of great importance."73

"I am Seryphina, daughter to the king. You'll be paid for your service beyond your dreams."74

"That's not necessary. I serve my Lady."75

"Who is your lady?"76

"I regret that I do not know," said Phillip sincerely.77

"How can you serve someone you do not know? I'm not familiar with your coat of arms,." said Seryphina, deeply curious.78

"I dream of her and she owns my heart."79

"You must come back with me to the castle, at least let us show you our appreciation,." said Seryphina, determined.80

"I intended to escort you home, but I require no reward."81

"Let me determine the worth of your service," commanded Seryphina.82

"Yes, your Highness."83

It was two days' distance over hilly terrain which they had to travel in order to arrive at the castle.84

85

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Aspasia was filled with excitement as she awaited the return of her knight and her sister. She told her father of what had taken place and told him to prepare a feast.87

"Father, this is the man I will marry," she confided.88

"But I never knew there was a man in your life."89

"I gave him my word," said Aspasia.90

"I don't think I'll ever understand you, but he must be a brave and fine man."91

Phillip and Seryphina arrived at the castle to a very warm, royal, and joyous greeting. People in the street were singing and dancing, and they cheered as the two rode in. As they reached the city gate, Seryphina's horse was brought to her and they rode side by side into the courtyard. The king, Aspasia, and her panther, Shadow, were there to greet them. Phillip could not believe his eyes as he saw Aspasia in the flesh. She was even more beautiful than she had been in his dreams. He was mesmerized.92

Seryphina asked him in surprise, "Do you know my sister?"93

"She's my Lady."94

Aspasia did a very unroyal thing. She threw her arms around Phillip and in front of all the people gathered, kissed him for several minutes. It was worth more than all the riches in the world to Phillip.
95

Author notes

Sorceress and Dragon.

Medieval and a fantasy adventure.

In a list

A contest entry

What did you think? Please comment!

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

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  • Dr. Metalhead silver member
    October 21

    Edit | Reply

    Great Write

    Wow! this is really impressive, no wonder you won so many trophies! I like how you combine alot into this like suspense, paranormal, fantasy, and love. You really have to get this published, I mean this has to be one of the most popular stories on SW.

    This is my first first Medieval story here, and I really liked it. Perhaps I should find more similar stories.

    Is there a sequel?
    Great Job though, fantastic write!


    ~ Dr. Metalhead


    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      October 23
      Edit | Reply

      Hello Doc!

      I'm so very pleased that you like this story. I guess that it's my most successful story at Storywrite.

      I wrote it initially for a contest at Allpoetry before Storywrite separated from there. The contest was hosting by a friend and it didn't even place.

      It currently is Storywrite's All Time Most Popular story.

      So far I've sent it to eleven publishers. It was rejected by all of them. One publisher I submitted to by internet and it was rejected that day. That's the fastest rejection I've had.

      Andy


  • Wickedruby1 gold member
    October 12

    Edit | Reply

    Excellent

    This is a very interesting story of true love and gallantry,supernatural powers and the curse of the dragon

    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      October 14
      Edit | Reply

      Hi there!

      I do hope you like this story. Thanks for reading, commenting, and all the applause. I appreciate it. There's a 'Dark Fury 2' if you'd like to read that. I'm planning 'Dark Fury 3', but I haven't started it.

      Andy


  • gerifitzsimmons Greeters member
    October 11

    Edit | Reply
    wow this thing has won more awards than the Yankees .
    It has probably had more readers than the bible and I'm sure I commented on it before. If I could change one thing .

    It would already be published. So what is holding you back? Start marketing some of these.

    Geri

    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      October 11
      Edit | Reply

      Hi Geri!

      Thanks for checking this out!

      I sent 'Dark Fury' to ten publishers more than a year ago, I usually send out ten simultaneos submissions of a story when I do one, and all of them rejected it.

      'Dark Fury' was written for a friend's contest, Celticmoon, at Allpoetry before Storywrite separated from Kevin's main Social Design site. It had won a couple of trophies At Allpoetry. It didn't place in the contest, though.

      Jodie, tallblondie, has some stories with more trophies and gold trophies.

      'Dark Fury' has been Storywrite's All Time Most Popular since Storywrite separated.

      I've written 'Dark Fury 2' and I've playing with ideas for 'Dark Fury 3'

      Andy


  • lil.janie
    October 6

    Edit | Reply
    Ooooo, this is so beautiful. Like a fairy tale. A nice fairy tale. I see that it already won so many trophies, but still I would like to say a few things (though you probably heard them all already).
    I don't know why, but I smiled when a dragon roasted its meat before eating it. It was funny. One would think that it would devour its meal without preparation, probably with clothing still on. But no, it took it off, used its own flame to prepare the flesh, and then ate it. At that point, I had a picture in my mind, one with a dragon that was holding a knife and a fork, and had a cloth around its neck.
    Then you surprised me once more. The princess not only cried, but her nose ran too. Somehow we seem to forget that royalty is only human too. I find that to be a touch of a genius, it's stuck with me now. I like it a lot, and it made me smile even more.
    And, as all the fairy tales, this one has a 'hapily ever after' ending. It's nice, and it's the way it should be.

    As for the story itself, I'm sure that you already know that, but let me be a critic for a moment - it has a good plot, and the story is smooth, no bumps there. I liked the characters, they are fairy-tale-like and well developed. Nice read, I enjoyed it. Thank you!

    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      October 13
      Edit | Reply

      Hi Janie!

      I'm so pleased you like this story. There's a 'Dark Fury 2'. I'll make that my next post at MDV if I don't forget. I'm planning 'Dark Fury 3', but I haven't really got a strong mental outline, yet.

      Thanks for the thoughful comment.

      Andy

      • lil.janie
        October 13
        Edit | Reply
        I can't even imagine what you wrote in it! So I'll just go, and take a pick. Thanks for letting me know about it, I really liked the first part )


  • the class
    October 1

    Edit | Reply
    I'm afraid that I have read this already, and it had already been in one of my contests (I'm buffylover29). But thanks for entering anyway

    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      October 13
      Edit | Reply

      Hi there!

      There's 'Dark Fury 2' now. I don't know if you've read it. I you haven't, you can click the links beneath the story to go to it. I'm planning 'Dark Fury 3'.

      Thanks for hosting. I appreciate it.

      Andy


  • Dead Beauty
    September 28
    Edit | Reply

    " A Range Of Options "

    I think I remember reading this somewhere. I don't remember where, but You're definitely A Finalist (:

    Thank you for entering.


  • Loko-mental
    September 27

    Edit | Reply
    Incredible, I loved it!! I don't usually love these type of stories, but I definately love this one!!

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.

    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      September 27
      Edit | Reply

      Hi there!

      I'm very pleased that you like this story. Thanks for stopping by and for reading,commenting, and all the applause. I appreciate it.

      Andy*kitty


  • marashchinoshoes
    September 27

    Edit | Reply
    A-m-a-z-i-n-g! This is probably the best story you've done — maybe even the best on the entire website!

    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      September 27
      Edit | Reply

      Hi again!

      I notice your face image on your comments is not working, try uploading it again or try a different image from your files. It won't appear on you profile but should appear in your comments. Image files should be; jpeg, jpg, of gif.

      Thanks for reading. I'm very pleased you like this story so much.

      Andy


  • Lady Mannequin
    September 9

    Edit | Reply
    Thanks for entering my contest!
    You wrote this very well and it was a pleasure reading it.

    Cody xx

    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      September 9
      Edit | Reply

      Hi Cody!

      It appears that I may have entered this story in a contest you held earlier. Unfortunately, it's the only novel in the works that I have that isn't 'Adult'.

      Thanks for hosting this contest.

      Andy

  • Lady Mannequin
    August 29
    Edit | Reply
    This story flows very well. I loved it! It was short and sweet and fitted great as a first story to read.
    Thanks for entering my contest!

    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      August 29
      Edit | Reply

      Hi there!

      I'm pleased you love this story. I enjoyed writing it. I've written a sequel, Dark Fury 2 and I plan a third. I don't know if Phillip and Aspasia will continue after that, or not. It will depend on whether I have the time and the ideas.

      Thanks for hosting this contest. May you have many good entries and much fun.

      Andy


  • Carina.J.LR
    August 25

    Edit | Reply
    Hey Andy, this is very well written, I liked it. But then of course i did click on something that said 'you might like'
    I like how Aspasia is in this story

    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      August 25
      Edit | Reply

      Hi Carina!

      I'm very pleased you like this story. I enjoyed writing it.

      Oddly, I wrote it for a contest when I was at Allpoetry for a friend. It didn't even place. Oh well, it's placed in a bunch of contests since then.

      Thanks for reading and commenting.

      Andy


  • UsagiDreams
    August 20

    Edit | Reply
    Well written, I like the characters. Good luck in my contest!

    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      August 20
      Edit | Reply

      Hi Usagi!

      Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading and commenting. I appreciate it. I'm glad you felt this story is well written.

      I hope you had a good contest and fun.

      Andy

  • Wow, this is really good. The ending is a very happy one, which i absolutely love. I think the part about Aspasia visiting Phillip in his dreams was very creativer, the whole story was.
    Great job =]

    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      August 19
      Edit | Reply

      Hello again, SA!

      Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading, commenting, and all the applause. I'm very glad that you like Phillip, Aspasia, and her sister.

      I hope you have many good entries and much fun.

      Andy


  • Shadow dragon
    August 18
    Edit | Reply
    keep it up hun. I think this could do well.

    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      August 18
      Edit | Reply

      Hmm, SD!

      You think this needs more work? It's been through a lot over the years.

      Thanks for hosting and for reading and commenting.

      Andy


  • ElmsWood
    August 17

    Edit | Reply
    It needs a little TLC, I think. Phillip's character was a bit undefined, and it would have been great to know a little about his peasant life. Other than that, it was very good writing, and kept my attention as I read it.
    Thanks for entering, and good luck!

    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      August 17
      Edit | Reply

      Hi!

      I suppose that actually all of the characters are a bit stereotyped. My goal was quick, easy, and fun reading. I've written a sequel to it.

      I may at some time work to flesh this story out. It's a good length for Storywrite.

      Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading and commenting.

      Andy

  • volleym
    August 14

    Edit | Reply
    It was okay. It wasn't the greatest, but I like it. Next time, read the rules, I said under 1000 words, because I don't have a big attention span, so next time, read the rules.

    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      August 14
      Edit | Reply

      Hi Volleym!

      Hmm? I usually adhere to the rules. For some reason the word limit didn't register this time. Sorry. I'll remove the stories.

      I'm glad you like this story.

      Andy


  • MirrorIrorriM
    August 5

    Edit | Reply
    Opening Sentence Breakdown:
    +intriguing
    +use of pronouns
    +dialog
    -awkward phrasing
    ---
    2, the statistical mode. Good opener. Solid.

    g10: the way this dude speaks, he sounds more like an academician than a farmer

    g14: saying bird implies feathers. If there are feathers, bravo on mixing up the normal perception of a dragon. If there are no feathers, it might be worthwhile to mention scales or something just to prevent confusion.

    g15: this paragraph is in direct contradiction with g13

    g16: lizard, thought so. So the bird of prey thing before needs to be removed...or you need to choose a taxonomic class and stick to it

    g20: kind of jumping here, aren't you? It might have been worth while going into Phillip's normal life before starting his abnormal one. I know virtually nothing about this character except that he apparently really digs his dream women.

    g62: didn't the dragon kill the other maiden right off? why'd he spare this one?

    You've put me in a bit of a bind here, friend. I kind of have to disqualify you, despite the ire it might earn. The game was to enter a chapter one or a prologue of a novel or novella. This, while a lovely short story, is a short story, and so you technically violated the rules...:/ Sorry about that.

    For what it's worth, this could make an excellent novel if it were taken and extended. Weave in a few subplots, go into some more character depth, throw in a few more protagonists and you've got quite the epic on your hands.

    At any rate, good job on the SS,
    Peace
    -Mirror

    • Hi!

      Thanks for the detailed critique. Thanks also for hosting this contest.

      'Dary Fury 2' has been written and posted, and the storyline for 'Dark Fury 3' has been outlined. Each is intended as an eposide, but it's a continuing work either to become a novella or novel.

      Andy

      • MirrorIrorriM
        August 5
        Edit | Reply
        Oh, got it. In that case you're not DQed, but I still would have liked to see some more development. Intended as a novel, it felt a bit rushed.
        -Mirror


  • dancer.
    July 26

    Edit | Reply
    Lemme think, I remember reading something, published, like this. This is an amazing story!

    First of all, let me say that htis is an amazing story and it toally deserved all the trophies that it recieved.

    Second of all, I'm pleased to say that I didn't notice any erros what-so-ever during the time it took to read this story. That, my dear friend, is a valuable talent.

    Last of all, I'm happy to say that I now have read one of your pieces! Their amazing, especially this one! Keep up the great work! I'm going to be looking for you on the bookshelves of Barnes and Noble.

    -dancer.

    • Hi Dancer!

      I'm so pleased you like 'Dark Fury'. There's a sequel, 'Dark Fury 2'. If you'd like, I'll send you the link. I'm toying with some ideas for 'Dark Fury 3'.

      I really appreciate the compliments. I'm co-writng a novel that's nearly complete. We hope to have that at Barnes and Noble someday.

      Andy

  • Funny that I would run across this one. I know I rad it a very long time ago or at least part of it. It may have had edits since then but I loved it the first time I read it and guess what? I still do. It is the knight hero story with it's own individual flavor. Glad I revisited it even if it was by accident

    • Hi Violet!

      Thanks for rereading Dark Fury. It's been through some revision and a lot of proofing. It's amazing how many little things can be changed or fixed in a short story.

      I'm glad you like it the second time around. There's a sequel now, Dark Fury 2. I'll send you the link, if you'd like.

      I'm thinking about Dark Fury 3.

      Andy

  • Ah, I remember this well! One of the first stories I've read on this site.

    And although I know my contest is anonymized, I do know who's the author.

    You've won a lot of trophyies with this, and I see why. Wonderful job and good luck!

    • Hi CMWUR!

      I still plan to call you someday, but it may be from the grave.

      Thanks for hosting.

      Dark Fury has been at Storywrite from the beginning and so have I. As you noticed, I'm a trophy nut. I enter just about every contest I can. This one, too. Dark Fury can always use another trophy and I'd appreciate it.

      Andy


  • Valkyrie silver member
    July 13
    Edit | Reply
    "You're probably someone of great importance." A clever knight, isn't he? I think this was one of the first stories I read on SW ever. It's full of classic fantasy elements. I still think it could be fleshed out a lot more; it feels like there's much more to the tale. Nonetheless, it's been a favorite among contest owners for a long, long time. Congrats on writing a keeper.

    • Hi Val!

      I don't know if Phillip is particularly clever. He was chosen and he's dedicated and loyal.

      I'm certain it could be fleshed out more, but that's not something I great with. I think it has a pretty good flow and feel to it, I wouldn't want to lose that.

      There's currently a sequel, 'Dark Fury 2' and I'm planning and third part. I don't know if I'll try to carry it further than that or not.

      In the contest for which this story was originally written, it failed to place. Sort of sad, really; there was much less competition then.

      Now there are many that write better than I do and I win gold much less often. I snag the lesser trophies now and then. Lately, also, I haven't had time for much writing, so I haven't been producing many new stories.

      Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading and commenting.

      Andy

  • That was really good, had me hooked all the way to the end (:

    • Howdy!

      I'm very pleased that you like this story. There's a sequel to it, 'Dark Fury 2'. If you'd like, I'll send you the link. I'm thinking about writing a third part.

      Andy


  • hsmlover1
    July 9
    Edit | Reply
    Enjoyable read, good luck in my contest

    • Hi there!

      I'm very glad you like my story. I wish it had fared better in your contest though. I love getting trophies.

      Andy

  • Very nice Andy. A great show of what a more grown up fairy tale can be. I feel you could have spent longer on describing Phillip's battle, but everything else fell into place perfectly. A very enjoyable read.

    • Hi Rose!

      Fight scenes are not really one of my strengths. I'm not crazy about reading them, either.

      I'm glad you like this story. It really needs another gold!

      Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading, commenting, and applauding. I appreciate it.

      Andy


  • sberendt gold member
    July 4

    Edit | Reply
    I'm certain you used the historical prompt of "Medieval", and you used it well. Actually, I've read this before, but I'm not sure I commented.

    Anyway, this flowed nicely and had a great storyline. I've never read a story quite like this, with a sorceress talking and "commanding" her "chosen knight" through his dreams. That was neat!

    Thank you for entering my contest! Oh, and if I have commented this and applauded it before, and my applause here doesn't show up, let it be known that I give you three applause things.

    ~sberendt

    • Yep!

      This is your first comment on the story that drew stars. I checked to see if you'd commented and I didn't see one, but I might have missed it.

      I added the prompts the my author's notes. I must have got distracted. There were actually two prompts that I was thinking of, 'Medieval and a fantasy adventure'.

      Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading, commenting and all the applause. I appreciate it.

      Andy


  • LindaIsMe
    June 24

    Edit | Reply
    Ahhh, just as good as the first time I read it. If not better Thanks for entering it in my contest Good luck. Plus I have my other comment somewhere near the bottom (I'm too lazy to look for it)

    • Hi!

      Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading and commenting. I didn't know that you'd read this before, but I'm glad you like it the second time through.

      I've written a sequel, 'Dark Fury 2'. I can send you the link, if you'd like. I'm thinking about 'Dark Fury 3'. I think the first story is best, though.

      Andy

      • LindaIsMe
        June 24
        Edit | Reply
        Yeah, I know I've read that one too! and I remembered too! (makes me feel smart) If you feel like writing a third one go for it. I mean, the worse that can happen is it just turns out badly. But who knows? It might turn out wonderfully.


  • Pagepal
    June 24
    Edit | Reply
    I THINK IT WAS VERY GOOD WRITTEN.

    beginning: 5, language: 4, plot: 3, ending: 5, dialog: 2, characters: 5.

    • Hi!

      Thanks for reading and commenting. I'm glad you like this story. There's a sequel now, 'Dark Fury 2'. If you like, I'll send you the link.

      Andy


  • the class
    June 21
    Edit | Reply
    I've read this before, but thanks for entering. It's really good

    • Hi!

      Apparently you didn't leave a comment when you read this before. If you'd like, since you have read this, I could replace it with 'Dark Fury 2'.

      Let me know.

      Thanks for hosting and commenting. I appreciate it. I hope you have many good entries and much fun.

      Andy

  • I think it was very well written, though a little predictable, but still great.

    Good luck, maybe a finalist, not sure yet

    • Hi DBC!

      Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading, commenting, and applauding. I appreciate it. May you have many good entries and much fun.

      Yeah, most stories have a certain amount of predictability. After all, usually either the good guys or the bad guys win.

      Andy

  • First-Mate gold member
    June 18
    Edit | Reply
    A lovely fairytale.

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.

  • Aww!!! And they lived happily ever after!!! This was a very incredible tale. I read it happily, hanging onto every word. Gosh! I so love this little tale! I am glad that you entered it into my contest. THANK YOU!!! BEAUTIFUL, BEAUTIFUL story! Oh, gosh. I really loved the part when the armor and everything appeared. So original. Well done.

    • Yep!

      They lived happily ever after until Dark Fury 2. I have some ideas for a Dark Fury 3, too.

      The poor maidens, the superstitious citizens of the kingdom sacrificed, didn't live too happily at their ever afters.

      Phillip saved the day with Aspasia's magic and found the woman of his dreams, his obsession.

      I'm so very pleased you like this story. Of the stories I've written, this is definitely my most favorite. It's gathered the most trophies for me and holds Storywrite's all time most popular title.

      The funny thing is that in the contest for which it was written, it didn't place.

      Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading, commenting, and all the applause. I appreciate it. May you have many good entries and much fun.

      Andy

  • Dead Beauty
    June 13

    Edit | Reply

    Judge's comment

    I am awed. Who would believe that a mere topic suggestion would blossom into a fantastic contest entry? I've nothing to say against it, but many things to say for it. The description was beautiful I must say, and in fact the whole suspense of it all captured my attention from the very first sentence. I like how it starts with him saying, "I saw her again last night in my dream."
    I can then see that he's had the dream before and it's definitely telling him something.
    Probably one of the best entries in my contest and you are quite obviously a finalist.
    Good luck!

    • Hi Whisperer!

      I'm so pleased you like this story so much. It's one of my best. Not necessarily the best at Storywrite, but one of my best.

      I find that often writing for a contest prompt will lead me into a great story. Some ideas, however, pop into my head from other sources.

      Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading, commenting, and all the applause. I hope you have a great contest with a lot of good entries and much fun.

      Andy

  • This is great! It's like a fairy tale that captures some of the same magic of the classics, but has a much different plot than any of the fairy tales I have seen thus far. The description is great and it has a nice flow. Thank you for entering!

    • Hi Claire!

      I'm very glad that you like my story so much. Thanks for hosting, reading, and commenting. I appreciate it. May you have many good entries and much fun.

      Andy


  • LindaIsMe
    May 25
    Edit | Reply
    This is brillant! I enjoyed every bit of it. You are a fantastic writer!!


  • Colourful
    May 21
    Edit | Reply
    Oh, Bravo!

    A beautiful story, extremely well written. I love it ^^
    Eva~

    • Hi Eva!

      Thanks again for the gold trophy! I hope you had a really good contest. I'm very happy you like my story!

      Andy

  • Nice writting. I really enjoyed this. The dragon was cool, and I liked the picture that you put it shows things easier for ne and 'twas easier to imagine her. From a scale of 1-10 and 10 being the highest you deserve a 17!

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.

    • Wow!

      A 17 on a scale of 10, that seems really fantastic. I'm glad you like this story so much. This story has been through a lot of change since I first wrote it. Of course, I feel as long as I'm alive my works are works in progress.

      You comment has really made me feel good. Thanks.

      Andy

  • Wonderful style of writing. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this story.

    • Hi!

      I'm so pleased that you like this story. It was one of my first stories when I started writing stories again in 2005. The stories I'd written many years before that weren't very good.

      I've tried once, so far, to find a publisher for this story, but that wasn't successful. I need to do more marketing.

      Thanks very much for reading and commenting.

      Andy

  • Wow! I absolutely loved it!

    • Hi!

      Welcome to Storywrite!

      I'm so pleased you like this story. I hope you'll like Storywrite as well.

      What sort of stories do you usually like to read? What do you like to write?

      I'm one of the greeters here at Storywrite. Let us know anytime we may be of assistance.

      Andy


  • Cupcake14
    April 21
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for entering my contest 'Romance'. Unfortunately, I've already read this before, but since this is an exceptional story, I won't DQ it. Best of luck in the contest!

    • Hi!

      I should have checked, but I felt certain you hadn't read this one. I'm glad that you feel it's an exceptional story.

      Andy


  • tonialoise
    April 18

    Edit | Reply
    I can see why this is your best work, it's well polished.

    You start off strong, your descriptions while not overabundant are clear and give enough that I know what's going on.

    "for a month at which time they would offer another young woman." Hmmm... seems they would run out of virgins pretty fast at that rate.

    p52 "grasped her sides was excrutiatingexcruciating," it's double the pain I guess.

    p64 kind of interrupts the flow and pov of philip going after the dragon.

    It was a delightful story with a sweet undertone. It'd make a nice children's tale.

    • Hi Toni!

      This story has been proofed and revised many times, now. It really beats me how excrutiatingexcruciating got past me. Oh well, you know how it goes.

      I'm glad you like this story. I'm not really sure that it's my best, but it is the all time most popular at SW. I think that's because its been on SW since SW was founded and I've entered it in many contests.

      I feel like it's a pretty good story, but its rather traditional and has no real surprises.

      Andy


      • tonialoise
        April 18
        Edit | Reply
        Sometimes traditional stories work just fine. Not everything has to have twist endings and all.


  • lavanya
    April 8

    Edit | Reply
    You hide it from me Andy...such a dreamy story and still untouched by me ....
    very intresting and sweet story dear ,i liked how her shadow turned that simple man to brave knight...love ac change anything,i always say it and believes too

    totally my kind of story, i 'm happy ,well done Andy.

    • Hi Lavanya!

      I wasn't hiding this story from you. I actually thought you'd already read it. I wrote this story about three and a half years ago for a contest. It didn't place in that contest. It's had a lot of editing since then. It's the most popular story at Storywrite, but that's mostly because it has been here since Storywrite began.

      Thanks for finding, reading, commenting, and applauding this story. I'm very glad that you like it.

      Andy


  • gezza gold member
    April 5

    Edit | Reply

    A fairy tale with a difference

    I liked it Andy. It clearly was written with a degree of tongue in cheek (shame about some readers below not having the capability to grasp this), and what I particularly liked was the very low level way you did this. The one exception was the blood and guts bit - threw me as it was at a different level to the rest of the story - intentional?

    I know you tried to keep the language simple, and by and large it worked very effectively.

    well done - I enjoyed.

    Gez

    • Hi Gerry!

      Thanks for reading, editing, commenting, and all the applause. I appreciate all.

      I made a few changes as I went through your edit. I think I went with everything you changed, but I did some additional edits. If you have a chance to glance back over it, that would be good.

      Andy

      • gezza gold member
        April 5
        Edit | Reply
        Hi Andy

        Just a few very minor comments - pls acknowledge and make changes if you deem my suggestions worthy...

        comma next to a semicolon (para 8)

        para 17 - you have the number 17 at the end that needs removing, and also I just notice that you use term "flesh and meat" - which is tautological.

        general comment - might need "***" for section separators - just for consistency in the anthology.

        cheers

        Gez

        • Hi!

          Made the corrections. I'll wait to edit the separators until I'm uploading the book. I'll try to make them all conform at that point.

          Thanks,

          Andy


          • gezza gold member
            April 5
            Edit | Reply
            np Andy - finished with you! Thanks for allowing me the opportunity to work with you.

            cheers
            Gez


      • gezza gold member
        April 5
        Edit | Reply
        no problemo


  • UrbanRealist
    March 25

    Edit | Reply
    Having clicked on this from the top of the Humor category, I expected something at least mildly humorous. I hate to say this, but I'm sorely disappointed. Not only does this not even fit in the genre of humor, but I failed to find even a single sentence of humor in the entire piece. In fact, if hard pressed to find some laughable quality to this story, it would be the conundrum that this rather mediocre piece of writing has garnered so many applause and trophies. I find it interesting in the very least that none of those trophies were for a humor-based contest.

    I don't know what the specific policies are for this site in relation to using appropriate category tagging, but one would presume that members don't exploit this for marketing purposes - as you have so obviously done for this story. Looking at the tags you have on this, I likewise fail to see what this story has to do with the genres of 'Life' and 'Inspirational'. As one member to another, I suggest that you rethink theses tags lest you disappoint other people as well.

    In regards to the story itself, it didn't seem that much different to many of the tales of this kind - a champion, a maiden, a battle with a dragon and a fair outcome. Though the prose and phrasing is clear, it lacked impact and dimensionality. If you were to use active phrasing in the action scenes and keep the passivity to pure narrative, this piece has some potential to engage the reader more.

    • Hi!

      Until recently, this story was just in the fiction category. I decided to put it in some other catagories, and yes, it was in order to get more reads. However, I was not aware that it was putting my story at the top of the lists. I'd never looked.

      I felt that this story had humor at the beginning and at the end, but I agree that it's not a humor story particularly. I did rethink as you suggested, and especially as this story seems to get ranked at the top of the categories, I removed it from the humor, life, and inspirational categories. Life was clearly misapplied, inspirational - a bit iffy, and not a lot of humor.

      I didn't realize that there was a link in which the stories in categories are ranked by popularity. I probably should have, but it didn't occur to me. I thought that it would be well down the list as it is an older piece.

      I've never entered this story in a humor contest, of course, because that is not its strong point, though I do find humor in it myself.

      It's the most popular story because it has been on the site since the site started and has placed in a lot of contests. I think it has always been the most popular story. It's sort of an honor, but it's really mostly that I'm a long time active member.

      In the three years since I wrote this story, it's gone through a lot of revision, but as I writer, I need to and do strive to improve.

      Andy




  • DoozerDan silver member
    March 24

    Edit | Reply
    Not a bad story. A bit clichéd (but what isn't these days?), and the writing was more than a little passive, and dead feeling. I can't say I came away really feeling the characters, which was a bit disappointing. I know the story, I know what happens, but they felt very 2D to me. As I said, I enjoyed the story itself, so good work there.

    One other thing that really puzzled me was why you tagged the story with 'humor', it, from my comedy writers perspective, was not in the least bit funny. Not a bad thing, just that the story is a serious piece, with a serious plot and serious characters. A joke or two within a story doesn't really fit it in the 'humor' category. Might seem harsh, but it just looks like you're trying to take all the #1 spots in as many categories as you can, whether it really fits or not.

    • Hi!

      I removed 'Dark Fury' from the humor category. I didn't realize that it was going up as the top humor story. Its genre is not primarily humor, though I feel it has humor in it.

      It had only been in the fiction category and I recently decided to include other categories I believed it fit. I wasn't aware it was going to the top of the lists in those categories. I pulled it out of three loosely associated categories.

      Andy

    • Yep,

      This story follows the traditional plots. Working to improve on the passive writing, but I haven't gone over this story recently.

      Of course, I want it in the categories I believe it fits. I want it to be read and enjoyed by everyone who wants to give it a read. I personally feel that the beginning and ending were humorous. I guess it's matter of taste.

      Thanks for dropping by and for reading, commenting, and applauding. I appreciate it.

      Andy


  • Night Terrors
    March 22

    Edit | Reply
    very good. This was an excellent story! I love dragons myself. I loved this story I am adding you to my finalist list thanks for entering.

    beginning: 2, language: 3, plot: 5, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 5.

    • < Hi!

      Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading and commenting. I appreciate it. I'm greatly pleased that you like this story and glad to be included in the finalists. Do you like it better when the dragons survive?

      May you have many good entries and much fun.

      Andy

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