Dark Fury

Missing image
Phillip said to his brother as he brushed his sandy blonde hair from his blue smiling eyes, "I saw her again last night in my dream."1

"You're possessed," said his older brother Charles as he and Phillip planted seed in the freshly plowed field. Charles had about the same large build as Phillip though even heavier. His blue eyes similar to his younger brother's but his expression and demeanor were always serious. Sweat dripped from his wavy dark brown hair.2

"She comes to me and caresses me in the night," said Phillip with excitement in his voice.3

"You are really losing it," said Charles. "You're in love with a phantom, a ghost. You're haunted by this woman. She must be evil."4

"My thoughts are always of her. Often I smell her jasmine scent whether awake or in my sleep. I feel the soft touch of her ivory skin and her silky black flowing hair," said Phillip wistfully.5

"You're mad. Quite mad, my dear brother. Peasant farmers such as you and I will never know such a woman. You have been bewitched."6

"In my dreams she tells me I'm her knight," said Phillip.7

"You can never be a knight, you have no noble blood."8

"Perhaps, but when I think of her, I have the courage and the strength of a knight," returned Phillip sincerely.9

"Nonsense! We are peasants and will forever be peasants."10

11

12

Terrified of the dragon, the people of the kingdom would choose a young maiden to sacrifice in an effort to appease the horrid creature. Brave knights would go to fight the dragon, but they never returned. Still the dragon was not satisfied. Children, men, and women would vanish without a trace and the people of the region knew it to be the dragon. Fear constantly plagued the townfolk.13

It was a huge bird of prey, deep brownish red in color, terrible green eyes with red diamond shaped pupils, massive wings, and legs and arms with vicious talons. It had ferociously fiery breath which it seemed nothing could withstand.14

So the people of the kingdom chose a maiden as a gift for the evil beast. They hoped the offering would make the dragon spare the rest of the kingdom for a month at which time they would offer another young woman. The chosen virgin cried, begged, and pleaded to be spared as they dragged her to a tree on a hill. They tied her to the tree and left her begging to be saved. She awaited the dragon doomed to be its next meal.15

The sun was going down and red clouds streaked the darkening blue sky. Like a shadow the dragon swooped down from the clouds and took the maiden, slicing the rope from her with its claws. Back into the clouds it flew over the hills to its lair, the crystal cave. Scattered about the floor of the cave were the bones of the victims who had become the food of the vicious winged lizard. 16

The young maiden stood frozen in fear as the evil creature gazed at her with appetite and desire. She stood petrified as the dragon ripped her linen garb from her. Goose bumps covered her delicate naked skin. Her fresh flesh and meat tempted the dragon beyond control. With tremendous force the dragon tore open her torso, spilling her innards. The maiden died almost instantly. With the flames of its breath, the dragon roasted her. Then it began to dine.17

18

19

Haunted by the woman of his dreams, Phillip began to search the kingdom to find her. He could not rid his heart of the madness she had left there. The image of her face was planted permanently in his mind. He had no idea where he might find her, but he knew that he must. The young man was determined in his quest. For months he searched the villages and cities of the kingdom. His brother, Charles, thought he was quite insane but knew he couldn't stop Phillip.20

In a dream she came to him, her beauty exquisite, and said, "Soon you must fight for me, my knight."21

"But I cannot fight. I have no skill and no weapon. I'm merely a peasant farmer."22

"You will have all that you need," she answered. 23

Echoing in his head he could hear her repeating, "You will have all that you need."24

25

26

The king of Britain had two daughters. There was the younger, Seryphina, who had golden hair and emerald eyes. The other, which the people thought to be evil, had black hair and dark eyes, hypnotic eyes. They both had great beauty and were of age, though neither were yet married. Seryphina was promised to the prince of another province while it was rumored that the elder sister, Aspasia, would never marry. Aspasia was a sorceress and had a black panther as a companion. Seryphina was to marry in order to secure an alliance between the two principalities, Britain and Normandy. 27

28


"You'll be my lover, my knight," said the woman who haunted his mind as he fitfully slept. "You're my warrior. You must kill the dragon."29

"How can I? I am but a simple man."30

"Do you love me?" asked the woman in his dream.31

"Yes, you know I do," answered Phillip with heart, mind and soul. In the dream he could feel her caressing his body and kissing him. They made love. When he woke he felt wetness from the excitement of his dream.32

He told Charles about the dream, but not quite all the details. He was embarrassed about that. Every night that followed, Phillip had the same dream. Then one night while he was still sleeping Charles woke him from his slumber. "Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!" exclaimed Charles.33

Stunned, Phillip shouted, "What in heaven?"34

"Come look!"35

In the main room of their cottage was a suit of shiny black armor, a black shield with a red crest with a black panther on it, and a mighty sword.36

"What kind of evil is this?" worried Charles.37

"Evil or not, the suit is for me and I must wear it."38

"Phillip you can't, it is black magic!"39

"I must."40

"Look outside, there is a horse!" said Charles excitedly.41

The horse had a shiny rich black coat, a red blanket, a black saddle with silver trim, and red and silver trim on the reins.42

"It is time. I must leave," said Phillip.43

"You can't! You can't fight the dragon! You know nothing about fighting dragons."44

"I have a promise," replied Phillip.45

"You'll be killed," said Charles with finality.46

Phillip donned the armor and mounted the horse. He left for the hills in search of the dragon's lair.47

48

49

Seryphina was walking in the gardens by the castle. She was enjoying the late afternoon breeze and the temperature was mild. There was a slight hint of rain in the air, although the clouds were not fully covering the sky. It made the horizon beautiful as the sun went down with yellows, reds, and purples in the darkening sky. 50

Seryphina pondered her coming marriage to the prince of Normandy. She knew how important it was to the two kingdoms, but she was still apprehensive of the arranged nuptials. She had only met the prince once and he was ten years older than she.51

A shadow crossed her path suddenly. The dragon rarely attacked people in the village and she was surprised when she heard the rush of air from its wings. The pain as it grasped her sides was excrutiating as with hardly a jerk it lifted her into the air.52

She knew she was doomed and began to prepare herself for her demise. Silently she cried as her tears began to streak her cheeks and her nose ran.53

54

55

Aspasia had seen it in her crystal ball many times and this time she knew it was really happening. Shadow, her panther, lay by her side; she stroked him and said, "Don't worry," although Aspasia herself was deeply concerned. Had she chosen the right man, would his heart be strong enough to overcome his fear, and did he love her enough to risk his life for her? She did not know. That had not as yet appeared in her crystal ball. Was it already too late for her sister, Seryphina? Trained knights had gone before Phillip and had fallen before the dragon. Was it madness to believe her magic could give Phillip the skill necessary to drive the massive sword home?56

Should she have prevailed upon her father to have sent his army after the dragon? They had hunted it before with no success. She could have told him of the image in the ball and he would have sent every able bodied man to hunt the beast. 'No,' she thought. 'The dragon is a magical creature and must be destroyed by magic.' Her fear for her sister would not subside.57

58

59

Phillip knew not where he was going or where to search. He knew only that he must go on and he must search. His mind was in a turmoil and his brain was tormented by images of his dream lover and the fear that he might fail her. He had no fear of death nor of the dragon. His fear was only of failure. Although he had never met his dream lover and, in fact, did not know if she really existed; he now lived for and would die for her. He knew he must go with speed. Riding the black steed hard he continued, anticipating the coming struggle.60

Directed by a force he did not understand, he found a cave. Its walls were crystal and for some reason he did not comprehend, light emanated from them. It was quite bright inside. The floor was littered with bones and skulls. He knew he had found the lair of the dragon but no dragon. He had no choice but to wait. He hunted a place to hide.61

Soon the dragon arrived with a woman with golden hair in its grasp. Her beauty was only surpassed by the woman of his dreams. He had no idea that they were both daughters of the king. He knew he must save her, but he knew that meant he had to kill the dragon and he didn't know how.62

The dragon set Seryphina down and began to eye her with hunger. She was dressed in the fashion of royalty. There were fresh blood stains on her beautiful gown. Phillip knew that he must act fast.63

Aspasia cried as she watched in her crystal ball. There seemed nothing she could do. She was unable to communicate with her knight.64

Realizing he must do something or it would be too late for the young woman, Phillip stepped into sight of the dragon. The beast immediately blew flames in his direction. The heat from the creature's fiery breath was intense, but the armor helped to protect him. Knowing he could not approach the dragon from the front, he struggled to stay behind it and the monster swung at him with its tail. Staying behind the dragon and anticipating its moves, he tried to plan how to strike. The dragon caught him hard with his tail, knocking him down.65

It was difficult for Phillip to move quickly in the suit of armor. Aspasia felt that all was lost as she watched her knight in her crystal ball. Then with strength beyond belief, Phillip was back on his feet with sword in hand. Again he got behind the dragon. He stabbed the dragon on one side of its huge tail, making it turn toward him. Knowing the direction the dragon would turn, Phillip plunged his sword perfectly into the dragon's heart guided by an aim not his own. The dragon fell dead.66

"Are you all right?" Phillip asked Seryphina. Though there was blood at the sides of her silk dress, the talons had done no great harm.67

"I think so," she said weakly. Then she fainted and fell to the ground. Aspasia watched with concern and relief.68

Phillip attended Seryphina until she regained consciousness. Her wounds were not serious.69

"Do you know who I am?" Seryphina asked him.70

"No, but you are probably important."71

"I am Seryphina, daughter to the king. You will be paid for your service beyond your dreams."72

"That is not necessary. I serve my Lady."73

"Who is your lady?"74

"I regret that I do not know," said Phillip sincerely.75

"How can you serve someone you do not know? I'm not familiar with your coat of arms." said Seryphina deeply curious.76

"I dream of her and she owns my heart."77

"You must come back with me to the castle, at least let us show you our appreciation." said Seryphina determined.78

"I intended to escort you home, but I require no reward."79

"Let me determine the worth of your service," commanded Seryphina.80

"Yes, your Highness."81

It was two days' distance over hilly terrain which they had to travel in order to arrive at the castle.82

83

84

Aspasia was filled with excitement as she awaited the return of her knight and her sister. She told her father of what had taken place and told him to prepare a feast.85

"Father, this is the man I will marry," she confided.86

"But I never knew there was a man in your life."87

"I gave him my word," said Aspasia.88

"I don't think I will ever understand you, but he must be a brave and fine man."89

Phillip and Seryphina arrived at the castle to a very warm, royal, and joyous greeting. People in the street were singing and dancing, and they cheered as the two rode in. As they reached the city gate, Seryphina's horse was brought to her and they rode side by side into the courtyard. The king, Aspasia, and her panther, Shadow, were there to greet them. Phillip could not believe his eyes as he saw Aspasia in the flesh. She was even more beautiful than she had been in his dreams. He was mesmerized.90

Seryphina asked him in surprise, "Do you know my sister?"91

"She is my Lady."92

Aspasia did a very unroyal thing. She threw her arms around Phillip and in front of all the people gathered, kissed him for several minutes. It was worth more than all the riches in the world to Phillip.93

Author notes

Yes, Amanda Vampiress I have read the rules for your contest: Anything Fantasy, Mystical, Supernatural goes!!!!!!

In a list

A contest entry

What did you think? Please comment!

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have 0. (?) (Line numbers)
    Ratings:

Comments

1 - 30 of 255     1 2 3 4  next >  (show all)

  • Renvek silver member
    November 27
    ?
    Edit | Reply
    Ok I had to drag myself through this one. To be honest, I read the comments below to inspire me to finish reading the story. I liked it, once I got over the fact that, in my opinion, the author was writing an outline for a far larger story. To me the scenes in the story were kind of like: he was here, she was there descriptions and not storyline. Something that I would use as bones to start fleshing out a story from. The scene that was actually touching was the final scene; however, while I am not saying anything was plaugerized, it felt like a disney cartoon that had a predictable plot. In my opinion more character development needs to take place between the all the characters. Unanswered questions still linger in my mind: Where did the sister learn magic? How come she cared so deeply about her sister that she would give her life to a man she doesn't know. What qualities does Phillip have except that he was a random person that Aspasia caused to dream about? If this armor and sword were so special what made them special? Last and most important - what makes this story stand out as differnt from stories that are already out there, like Snow White where the prince has no part in the story except to kiss Snow White at the end, or Sleeping beauty, where the princess has no part in the movie except as the goal for the Prince. What sacrifice or internal tension makes this different?
    Now don't get me wrong, the story has the potential to really knock the socks off of a publisher. But it has to stand out from the crowd. Still the potential is there, good luck and keep on writing.


    • Andy Stephenson Greeters member
      November 27
      ?
      Edit | Reply

      Thank You.

      The story, I think, is a little different. There is an enchanted peasant who saves the sister of the princess/sorceress to the king.

      Predictable, yep, the good guy wins.

      It could and may be further fleshed out, though that's not something I do well.

      Who knows what will come of this. It's frustrating. I've put more time and effort into this story than any other and people still find fault with it.

      Thanks for reading and commenting.

      Andy


      • Renvek silver member
        November 27
        ?
        Edit | Reply
        I understand your frustration, it took me years to look at my own writing and realize what was missing. I wish I had a website like this to help me find the missing sparks earlier. So here is a sample of my own writing based on your story, that I don't care if you use as your own. My intent is to maybe spark some renewed energy into your writing. It is written to precede your line 1, and may need some small editing later in the story to blend it in a bit better if you choose to use it.

        Her brown eyes made a hypnotic contrast to her almost jet black hair completely captivating Phillip as she timidly moved to his side. Her scent reached his nostrils and he felt dizzy, the sweet smell of jasmine or the essence of the rainbow he couldn't decide. Her movements were hypnotic and her voice was a song to his ears, if only he could hear what she was telling him. Her touch was electric sending shivers down his spine and after a while of trying to speak she would caress him and on rare nights she would just hug him.
        Philip awoke with a start, as he realized that his dreams were getting more vivid each time he slept. As the dream began to lose the crisp surreality that waking brings, he could still feel her hands on the back of his neck from her last embrace. Not wanting to lose the feeling, he lay there trying to capture the image and feeling of her that would last until he could find her.
        “Come on sleepy head, time to get up” came the annoying voice of his brother Charles.
        Caving in to the inevitable, Phillip said “I am up, I will be down in a moment”

        From here on your story can continue as you have written it, all this did was add more depth to the characters and a bit more interaction. Those were the kinds of things I was suggesting in my earlier comments. Hope it helps.

  • AmariaBlack
    November 23
    ?
    Edit | Reply
    It was an exciting short story but I believe the beginning could do with a fading into it sort of scene.
    Paragragh 13 could you say, “At the same time” somewhere in the paragraph cause it doesn’t seem to tie in with the previous paragraphs. I thought you were starting a new story. When I got to the next chapter I realized you had flashed to a different scene. By the way are you gonna make a story up about Seryphina. I would like to read it if you do. From the point where Phillip received her love; and onward it was hanging on the edge of your seat excitement. I would love to see a commercial made of that scene. Other than these few details I could see it was a great story. I sometimes wish I could write like you authors. You all have a wonderful imagination. Keep writing and I’ll keep reading and commenting.


    • Andy Stephenson Greeters member
      November 23
      ?
      Edit | Reply

      Thank You

      Thanks for reading and commenting. I appreciate it. So you like Seryphina? I'm very pleased that you like this story.

      Andy


  • Deathtrapped-Pickle
    November 18
    Edit | Reply
    I ll take you to 500


    • Andy Stephenson Greeters member
      November 18
      Edit | Reply

      Thanks

      Actually, your applause will bring it to about 506. Thanks. If your comment had been about a hundred characters and earned stars, I'd have given you five stars.

      Andy


  • Unpredictable Girl
    November 16

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, I must add yet another comment to your endless pile of critique. I do believe this is one of the stories that actually got to me. I'm certainly a slow reader, but I read this all the way through non-stop, catching every descriptive moment and breathlessly awaiting the next. Through all of your hard work I could not just simply say I enjoyed this. This story is rightfully top of the "Most Popular" list. You've earned a 5/5 and 3 applaud faces from me.

    Hoping the best comes for you,
    -Unpredictable Girl

    (Kayan)


    • Andy Stephenson Greeters member
      November 16
      Edit | Reply

      Hi Kayan

      I'm very glad that you like this story. I'm going to be revising it to send to publishers. Thanks for reading, commenting, and all the applause.

      I'm pleased that the story drew you in and you felt compelled to finish it in one read non-stop. That's quite a compliment.

      Andy


  • silkcatseye
    November 16
    Edit | Reply
    I loved this story it is brillient and I enjoyed it very much.


    • Andy Stephenson Greeters member
      November 16
      Edit | Reply

      Hi

      Thanks very much for reading, commenting, and all the applause. I appreciate it.

      I don't know if you are aware, but when your comment is approximately a hundred characters or more you get points. If the author rates your comment five stars, you get ten points. Most authors rate comments at five stars.

      Andy


  • Jessicatlover-Lily
    October 29

    Edit | Reply
    Wow! I was looking in the all time fav stories and yours was up the top, so i read it. It was much better than I antisipated. The only thing i can really say is... Wow!


    • Andy Stephenson Greeters member
      October 30
      Edit | Reply

      Hi Catlover!

      I have seven cats. I love cats.

      Thanks for reading Dark Fury. I'm glad you like this story. There are better stories around the site, but Dark Fury has been around longer than most and been read by more.

      Thanks for reading, commenting, and all the applause. I appreciate it.

      Andy


  • tallblondie Greeters member
    October 26

    Edit | Reply
    Being the third reading of this story, I am still of the same opinion as the first read through. Though an engaging fantasy tale, this story lacked the depth of descriptions that would have made it that much more enjoyable. The writing, for the most part, is clear - but I personally felt that parts of this would benefit from being written actively rather than passively.

    Thank you for your entry in Sheer Brilliance.


    • Andy Stephenson Greeters member
      October 26
      Edit | Reply

      Thanks

      Thanks for reading again and for commenting and applauding. I appreciate it.

      Andy


  • paradoxlost
    September 28

    Edit | Reply

    Extended Fairy Tale

    A good extended fairy tale. Knights, Dragons, Princesses it has all the basic elements of a fairy tale and yet it had depth and the description seemed like a mix of modern writing and how fairy tale writing. A simple solid plot and the dream all made it seem like a fairy tale. Overall it was very enjoyable to read.


    • Andy Stephenson Greeters member
      September 28
      Edit | Reply

      Thank You

      I'm very pleased that you like this story. It is among my favorites of those I've written. It was initially written for a contest.

      Thanks for reading, commenting, and all the applause.

      Andy


  • Half-Judgemental silver member
    September 13
    Edit | Reply
    it didn't come, sorry


  • Half-Judgemental silver member
    September 13
    Edit | Reply
    I really don't know, it seemed really weird, a girl coming in your dreams, and falling in love with her even though you don't know whom she is...never appealed to me, these type of romances. Still, it was described nicely.

    here's another applaud.


  • Half-Judgemental silver member
    September 13

    Edit | Reply

    Weird tale

    This was like one of those fairytales where you know that the knight is going to kill the dragon and win the princess's heart. Though why Aspasia(It was difficult to remember her name) did not defeat the dragon herself I don't know. All in all, a nice story, though I found the Aspasia-Phillip romance strange.


    • Andy Stephenson Greeters member
      September 13
      Edit | Reply

      Thank You

      Thanks Xm, for reading, commenting, and applauding. I appreciate it. I'm very glad that you like this story. What was strange about the Aspasia-Phillip romance?

      Andy


  • Valkyrie gold member
    September 7

    Edit | Reply
    I liked the dreaming aspect of this story very much. I see it's been around the contest circuit for quite a while now. Good for you!
    While the plot was sound and the action was relatively fulfilling, it felt a little bare-bones to me; I like a moderate to large amount of description, and there wasn't much of that in some parts of the tale.
    I was really trying to get into the story more because fantasy is my preferred genre. I kept getting distracted by small errors, most of which involved punctuation and sentence structure:
    P16, comma after maiden; she's not slicing the rope
    P17, she didn't rip her own linen garb off, right? your antecedent to "she" is "ripping", meaning as you wrote it that she did the ripping. Kinky...
    Also, comma after torso; the torso isn't spilling the innards, the dragon is
    P21, comma after exquisite
    P27, The other, the people thought to be evil, had - doesn't flow well; I think you're missing a "which" after "other" or some other leading phrase word there
    P34, comma after Stunned
    P37, is that a question?
    P56, Shadow, her panther, by her side; - doesn't have a verb in here. Lay, was? Lolled?
    Also, "Don't worry." although - either need to capitalize Although, or put a comma after worry there
    P65, comma between tail and knocking, or else maybe between hard and with, in the last sentence there, depending
    P66 your first sentence has the antecedent thing again; as it is, you have Aspasia being difficult to move in armor
    Also, comma between huge tail and making, and between dragon's heart and guided
    P67 question mark?
    P82, days'
    Overall I did enjoy the tale; as I said, fantasy is my preferred genre, and thank you for sharing it in my contest.







    • Andy Stephenson Greeters member
      September 8
      Edit | Reply

      Thank You

      Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading, commenting, all the applause, and finding my mistakes. I just finished correcting them. I thought the mistakes had been worked out of it, but it's clear that they weren't. I'm very pleased that you enjoyed the story. It's lucky that you like fantasy.

      I hope you have many good entries and much fun.

      Andy


      • Valkyrie gold member
        September 8
        Edit | Reply
        Hee hee, it's not luck at all. I've worked very hard to be addicted to fantasy, actually. Dozens of books read over years and years. It's been quite the task.
        I get much more flow when I read the story now, so yay! Your fantasy is even more fantastic.

  • wolfcub
    August 27

    Edit | Reply
    This is a great short story - it was fast-paced but not rushed. You held my attention really well, and the characters seemed very real. I felt that, whilst the overall plot was very good, the individual sentences lacked a bit of structure.
    You could have used a bit more description and slightly less simplistic sentences in places, but othrewise this was a very good read.
    Thankyou for entering and good luck
    Katie


    • Andy Stephenson Greeters member
      August 27
      Edit | Reply

      Thank You, Katie

      Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading and commenting. I appreciate it. I'm glad you like this story.

      May you have many good entries and much fun.

      Andy


  • papercutangel86
    August 19
    Edit | Reply
    this is really good I loved it thanks for entering. Congrades your a finalist


    • Andy Stephenson Greeters member
      August 19
      Edit | Reply

      Hi there!

      I'm very glad you like my story and extremely pleased to be a finalist. Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading and commenting. I appreciate it. May you have many good entries and much fun.

      Andy


  • Out-Of-Eden
    August 17

    Edit | Reply
    Very nice for a short story! I liked it and it held my interest. It was a short story with a good plot and ending. I liked the descriptions of the battle scene. Great job! Thanks for entering the contest. Oh and I like your picture for the story. Very good at describing it.


    • Andy Stephenson Greeters member
      August 18
      Edit | Reply

      Thank You

      Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading, commenting, and all the applause. I appreciate it. I'm very pleased that you like this story. I felt it came together pretty well. I'm also glad you like the picture.

      May you have many good entries and much fun.

      Andy

1 - 30 of 255     1 2 3 4  next >  (show all)