The pendulum swings, the first hand strikes twelve. The pendulum swings and into memories I shall delve. I remember a love from long ago. I held him above all that I know. He was the most handsome and romantic man. My memories of him, here, began.1
I sat in this castle, upon my throne. The walls were cold and made of stone. Out through the window, the sun warmed my heart. It showed my true love. The passionate emotions would start.2
Romeo, oh Romeo, I wish he were here. As I tell of our story, I wish he were near. Where art thou Romeo, the one that I love? Where art thou romance, that I desireth all above?3
I saw my knight. His armor gleamed as he walked. His bravery had shown through the swordsmanship, the combat that he would win for me. The blood he would spill from each of his opponents would seep out as roses. He was the proponent, for our love. For such love he pleaded, but nothing gave. My love, my heart, shattered by the cruel wave. The injustice of his ban. He was taken away.4
We had married each other on a night, where the moon would shine so bright. Oh, how our eyes glistened, as our prayers, by the Lord, were listened to. It could not be though, for a miracle so beautiful, could never remain untainted. Oh, how I missed my beloved Romeo.5
A poison still lingered. My father wanted me to wed a male that came of no interest to me. County Paris was not the one I should care for. I was already married, but I could not tell a soul, nobody but the Friar and my mate, true love's whole. The one who had made love whole, though was gone from me, for slaughtering a soul.6
I had to find a way to elude the two fools. The two men that thought that an arranged marriage could be. I thought that if I was dead, then my mate could remain a mystery. So I saw a potion that I should take, for my departure to be fake. Everyone saw me as deceased, and how the sadness increased.7
My Romeo discovered that I was "dead". Out of his hiding, he had fled. He sprinted to the casket, where I had lain, only to murder two, in vain of love.8
He dueled swords with Paris, who had mourned for me. Then, he dueled himself, with poison. The poison fought his body, and claimed a victory. As I woke up from my deep sleep, I found Romeo gasping for breath, reaching out for me.9
I cried and wished the poison, upon the vial he possessed, remained enough for my body; but my throat, it would not caress. Not a single drop was left, in the vial that remained, so I shattered it and shed my tears. My depression could not be explained.10
To try and save one love, but end up murdering two, I fall into the hole of despair, anew.11
Trying to find another way to reunite with my prince, my sight captured the glint of a dagger, consisting of rust and a metal tip. I was tempted to stab the weapon into my heart. Where else were my emotions felt so strong?12
Footsteps echoed throughout the courtyard above where I sat. I had contemplated on the issue of suicide or sustaining life in an inferno-like environment. I weighed my options as the footsteps came closer. I heard voices and the pressure started building.13
A droplet of sweat trickled down my cheek, and I decided upon living. The voices drew near, and I ran toward the noise, crying to the father with that warm voice. He reassured me that all would be corrected, and asked an explanation for the bloodshed.14
The crowd around me was unnoticed, until I heard Lady Capulet, my mother, and a gasp that had escaped her maw. Some were in disbelief that the two men dueled, some were unsurprised, and some believed I was the one who should be persecuted for their deaths.15
In the end, all was straightened out on my exterior, but on the inside, chaos seemed to grow. I was without my love. Each time that the moon shadows the sun and the darkness prevails, I lay upon my bed whispering, "Romeo, oh Romeo, wherefore art though Romeo?"16
Author notes
This was a very fun story to write. I would like to thank William Shakespeare for giving me the inspiration to write this piece, along with Tyler, the holder of this contest! William could have chosen many ways to end his story, and to have it narrated. I just chose a different approach and a different ending.
Here are the categories that this story falls under:
Romance
-Romeo and Juliet
*Teen 13-19
Word Count-734 Words
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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TITLE: Another Romeo and Juliet Story
AUTHOR: ask261
CATEGORY GROUP: 2
AGE GROUP: teen
(In a scale 1-6.) (6 is the best)
Originality: 4
Creativity: 6
Rule Compliance: 6
Spelling: 5
Punctuation: 5
Quality: 5.5
My Personal Opinion: 5
Character Ideas: 5
Character development: 5
Background Sense: 6
Color: 5
Ideas: 5
Organization: 5
Supporting Details: 4
Voice: 6
Passion: 6
Total: 83.5
Average: 5.22
Rank: 6
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guess for your age.......you seem to write marvelously....I think inspirations you drew from a master have touched your imaginations greatly......Im not big on shakespeare.....but seams many are......the fasinations with his work are something Ive never bothered to explore...guess its me...never thought I would be sitting on AP writing things I feel and express through words.....guess the lesson here is......be who you are.....express your heart.....never be afraid to dream....or share them when you need....love the writing....im impressed...
Malabu -
I'm with Tyler on this one! This is amazingly wonderful. You haave a marvelous skill with writing, and I believe that you are definitely an inspiration to others who would wish to write stories. Best of luck in the contest, Sweetie. Hugs, Patricia
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BRILLIANT!
This was brilliant! I have read four of the contest enteries and this one is the best so far! The rhyming technique totally added voice to the story. I can see this wasn't totally original, but yet the ending was. You mentioned the word "inspiration" in your authors comments which shows you had passion in writing this. I have a good feeling you will do well in this contest. I think you are going to show the adults and seniors whose boss.
By the way, you are the only teenager who entered the contest, so no matter what, you will be getting some points.
-Tyler -
Good job on the story, the internal rhyming is well done. And whom better for a muse than Shakesphere himself.
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Started out more as a poem with lots of rhymes and rhythm, then went onto prose, kind of different.
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Mmmmm i don't know if I like this story, I wasn't fond of the teen angst in the original even if it is a classic but it is well written great job though...
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Good
I liked that very much and only have one bad thing to say. "Romeo, oh Romeo, wherefore art though Romeo?" I think that is suppose to mean what are you Romeo, because in the book Romeo and Juliet's families are rivals and when Juliet says that she is asking what is he. Then she goes on to what makes him a Montague it is not a vital organ or anything like that. She then says A rose by any other name would smell as sweet...something like that because she is saying she doesn't care that he is a Montague and there families rival and that she loves him despite his name. And I am sure you know how the rest of the story goes.
Edited on Jan 02, 1:14 p.m. because ''. -
This is really good! Nice take on Romeo and Juliet! Why, Shakespeare would be proud. I enjoyed the rhyming that appeared every now and then. Great job......Awesome.
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I loved it. This got me almost crying. Yeah..me, cry, funny huh? Sorry, just a little bite from the back of my head crawling out of my fingers. I loved the write. Good luck in the contest. It was awesome really. It touched me. Thanks for sharing. It was truley amazing.
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Oh Wow, this is great another ending to my beloved story...
This is the therapy version of Romeo and Juliet.. LOL she chose life over suicide! I am so glad... now she can find another Romeo.. and things will work out so much better for her now. I like hearing things from Juliet's perspective too since ole Willie was a man after all!
Thanks for changing your scheme so I could read this..I'm glad I got the chance.
Good Luck in the contest... I will bookmark this.
Happy New Year. -
Oh much better .. Thank you so much.
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Is this better?...otherwise, I will change it to the white background with the roses.
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i hate to ask you this, but could you change your background so that I could read your story? I love Romeo and Juliet stories.. I collect them, the movies etc. but I can not read these black backgrounds with deep red writing (hood) _(couldn't resist that)...
I will understand if you don't change it , but I thought I would at least ask.
Good Luck in the Contest. -
Even highlighted I can't read those little tiny letters.
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A great job again dear friend.The internal rhymes are really great.Weldone.
Wish you luck in the contest.
Shahrzad
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