Vince Vane was riding in his car. His wife and two children were accompanying him. Mr. Vane and his wife Mrs. Vane both were detectives. They were a famous couple and were known to solve six hundred typical cases.1
After, years of hard and risky life and struggling through each case, their family were finally going on a holiday to Shimla. They were just at the station, when a truck from an opposite side came rushing away with the speed of lightening.2
Mr. Vane fortunately saw the truck and took an immediate turn. Their car smashed into a tree whereas the truck fell of the hill. Mr. Vane ignoring his blood stream immediately pushed the almost broken door of his car, and rushed towards the hill.3
A huge sound of bombardment echoed the whole hill. The truck blasted into fumes of pure heat and black smoke. Mr. Vane stood there motionlessly. Mrs. Vane came running of the car along with her children. She saw below the hill and was thunderstruck to see the scene. The driver and other people in the truck seemed to be in blood lust and were screaming for help.4
Within seconds, most of the screams faded away. The truck again sided from the slope of the hill. The driver fortunately hung himself on some of the stems. His shirt from nowhere caught fire. He screamed from his deepest of the soul for some help.5
Mr. Vane just had a step down to the slope of the hill when his wife caught his hand.6
“No darling, you must not go” she said with fear in her eyes.7
“I have to. He will die, I don’t have time…” Mr. Vane said pushing his arm and just sliding down. Mrs. Vane again drew him from his arm, his children caught his legs.8
“There’s no way you will get up back here!” said Larry.9
“Son, leave me. I have to go, I don’t have any options”10
Meanwhile, the driver lost his grip. The fire caught his head and he fell in the greenish darkness. Mr. Vane felled on his knees. Tears coming from his eyes. His heart well broken. His wife and children were trying to balance him when all of a sudden a call came from back, “Oh! Murderers! Murderers! It’s a hit and run case, inspector, over here”11
Soon a crowd assembled there. All screaming in their own tones. Police vans arrived in no time. The police controlled the rising crowd. They enquired the couple. Mr. Vane gave them some bribe and the police left remarking it an accident with the whole of the trucks mistake.12
Both of them were discussing the issue when an old man came closer to them and said, “Tough, you have escaped from the police, but remember my friend whosoever dies falling from that hill revives. The souls that have been vanished will again rise and will not rest in peace until they take the revenge” The old man said and left them in their own messed up thoughts.13
*****14
“Darling, forget it. There is nothing known as ghost in this world. Moreover, don’t forget that all these rumors…” Mrs. Vane continued to convince Vince who was sitting thunderstruck.15
It was already mid-night and they were preparing bed for some nice peaceful and calm sleep.16
“And don’t worry Vince, Good Night” Mrs. Vane wished kissing Vince on both his cheeks. Harry and Larry shared grin with each other.17
“Yeah-Yeah! I will…” slept Vince muttering to himself.18
It was almost mourning, when the doorbell rang.19
“Yes”-said Vane half slept.20
“Room service, sir.” Came a voice behind the door.21
Mr. Vane shouting at the service man came to open the door. He opened it and found that the whole corridor was empty. He looked both sides twice. He pinched him to make sure that he isn’t dreaming.22
Mrs. Vane came out of her bed and asked while rubbing her eyes, “What happened dear?”23
“Ah! Nothing, there was someone calling room service. He rung the bell” Vane said confusingly.24
Vinci broke up in laughter. “Room service, now! You must be dreaming, baby,” she said with huge laughs in between. “Come on sleep” she said.25
Mr. Vane turned his head to reply her but found that she was already in bed. He kept muttering and speaking to himself.26
Again after ten to twenty minutes, the same incident happened. Vince notified Vinci about it. And as soon as they opened the door they found it absolutely deserted. All of a sudden, there room lights begun to lit on and off. The utensils in the kitchen begun to fall. The radio and the televisions were automatically switched on. The channels were changing on there on. It was scary.27
“What the hell is happening here?” Vince drew children and Vinci and ran out of the room shouting for help. Soon the staff of the hotel came there to manage things. They narrated the incident to staff. They found the same old man there.28
“As I told you my child, those souls won’t leave you until they take the revenge” the old man said and left.29
Both of them moved towards their room. Vinci and children went inside, but Mr. Vane stood outside the door gazing something.30
“Hey! Vinci, what’s that eh?” he asked. She came half dressed and gazed it too. She picked that thing and saw that it was a stereo, tough empty.31
“What’s that thing doing here?” Vance asked himself. They took it and kept it in their room. For 1 hour they again had a peaceful, free doorbell sleep.32
It was six o clock, when Vinci served Vince with the special flavored tea. They discussed about what had happened the previous night. Then all of a sudden she noticed that there wasn’t any stereo there.33
“Dear, the stereo, its gone.” She looked amazed.34
“Oh! My god. That… Are you sure, that you kept it there only. Wait, let me check the cabinet” Vance said and left.35
Vinci went inside the kitchen, if by mistake she had left it there.36
Both of them returned after sometime, they shared looks with each other and didn’t find anything.37
“It can’t be coincidence. This all, it has to do something with that dam accident” said Vince with fear in his eyes.38
Harry broke the silence saying, “Maybe it is something ghostly”.39
No one of them spoke anything from sometime and finally at the evening they seemed to have taken some decision.40
Both of them locked the children in the room and went straight up to the reception.41
“Hey! Can you tell, who was that old man?” asked Vinci at once.42
“Sure mam, he is the owner of this hotel and you can find him standing right beside you,” she said with a grin.43
They both turned their face and saw him right there.44
“Oh! Sorry, I didn’t saw you” apologized Vince.45
“Never mind, young guy. But, remember I am not the old man, I am Ham.” He said.46
“Ok, hum, I don’t… know what to say… I…I, will like to know… yeah…yeah…what’s happening with us?” Vince said.47
“I have already told you, Mr.,” He said.48
“Yeah! Yeah! You surely had. AND what’s the dam we are getting out of it?” shouted Mr. Vance getting out of his nerves.49
“Peace my man! Peace! There is only one man, who will let you get out of this business. Oler, he is my friend and he had been freeing these angry souls. He is here right now. I will introduce you,” he said calmly.50
Oler comes from the door. He was thin and weak and had a wand type stick in his left hand.51
“So, Oler, these people…” said Hum and was interrupted by him.52
“So, the driver’s soul yet remains the same” Oler said. “Come there, Vince. We will have a chat,” Oler added emotionlessly.53
He took them to near the coffee stall ordered three coffee cups for themselves.54
“So, Mr. Vane, I know what have been happening with you from yesterday.” Oler stopped taking a long breath. “But, I am sorry I won’t be able to help you” he added.55
“But, why? Why can’t you help us? You don’t know, sir what happened with us?”56
“There is reason, I am been finished. Once, I had a lot of money with me. But, I don’t have it yet. Every soul can get peace in the Hoverland and it is located near the Everest. I earlier used to go and call the souls there for resting in peace. But, now, some scientific institution has developed there and I require a lot of money for entrance. I don’t have it.” He expressed his problems.57
“Don’t worry about the money” said Mr. Vane at once. “We will pay what ever it takes and if required we will come with you” he added hastily.58
“No, No. You don’t require coming with me. But, money…it will…be…be…around…d…twenty…y…thousand” Oler said with long pauses.59
“Ok, here ten in cash and another in check” Mr. Vane said it quickly.60
Larry came running from the kitchen door, with whole of the staff behind it and screamed, “Dad, Don’t give the money! Don’t! Give the dam money!”61
Noise in the kitchen was disturbing.62
“Larry, what are you saying son” said Vince with handing over the money to Oler.63
“Don’t give the DAM MONEY” Larry shouted.64
Both Vane’s came running to control Larry. By the time they understood what he was saying Oler was gone.65
*****66
“See, here dad. The stereo, it was here” pointing into a small room going through the kitchen.67
“How it came here?” asked Vinci at once.68
“Well, another surprise. The next door in this rooms opens to the door in our room, hidden” said Larry opening a door, looking exactly a wall.69
“Oh! My goodness. This is something…”70
“This is the shocker, that was used to vibrate the utensils and this is the switch on/off button for lights, and our bell had that stereo, room service” said Larry rubbing his hands.71
“That means…”72
“Yeah! Mom, it was a trick. And you have been befooled once again” said Harry coming out of the toilet.73
“But, that accident, that was true!” said Vance all of a sudden.74
“Certainly not. The accident and the deaths were all pure Drama. The truck driver was that man Oler himself.” Harry said while tightening his belt.75
“The whole thing was a well plotted drama to take out money from you” Harry said with a huge smile.76
Mr. Vane then, caught the old man, Hum. They caught the whole hotel staff and handed them to police. Tough, Oler escaped, but they received the money. And they had one more article- THE HOLIDAY ADVENTURE.77
Larry and Harry had as usual just solved a pending case of CID officers and as usual, Vinci and Vance had the credit.78
Author notes
A detective series. Well, the hidden meaning is simple that, it isn't always popularity talented, but there can be or are innumerable hands behind that. This has a great influence in my life at least
A contest entry
- Welcome to storywrite! The first contest! by Kevin.
130 points, ended April 2, 2006, 8 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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the beginning comes off as a bit listy, try to connect the sentences some. Some typos, but an interesting plot idea. I like the detective adventure premise!
2: rushing away, or rushing towards them? Lightning isn't a word I'd use to describe a truck... I got confused about the weather.
31: tough -> though
64: typo, DAMN?
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yeah...I think so
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Quite a bit of typos. You definently want to look the entire thing over. I felt it dragged on a lot too. It just wasn't very gripping.
The line, "It was scary" was very bad. Try something with more emotion, feeling, and description. Actually, you ought to attempt that for the entire thing so as to keep your reader reading.
Thanks for taking the time to enter. -
Did, you even read it????? This one hasn't shown a lot of expressions neither a very great vocabulary.
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Well done!
This was amazing! I really liked it. So... interesting and breath taking. You have used good grammar and vocabulary and expressions... Well done!
1 - 5 of 5



