Kel sat at the edge of the camp with his best friend, Blaze. The two were on guard duty for a camp that was resting in the middle of dense woods. He found this an utterly boring job, and did it only when Blaze was. Kel yawned and stretched against a tree. He sleepily wiped his brown eyes as he glanced around. It was a cold night, and the group would be leaving early tomorrow morning, which annoyed him, because he would be tired on the way to Silverton. He looked over at Blaze, who was asleep. Kel chuckled to himself and went to wake up his redheaded friend. 1
“Blaze…Blaze, wake up!” Kel whispered softly, pulling his cloak around him to keep warm, “We’re supposed to be on watch, remember?” Blaze’s eyes fluttered open and stood to alert.2
“I wasn’t asleep! Really! Just…resting my eyes.” Blaze whispered rapidly. Kel nodded in disbelief at his friend. “You won’t tell my father, will you?” Blaze’s father was one of the warlords for the King, and head of the small band of men they were traveling with now. If anyone fell asleep while on duty, they might as well consider themselves dead. 3
“You know I won’t Blaze, but you owe me.” 4
Blaze nodded and looked around, “It sure is quiet tonight. Nothing at all. Why do we even bother doing this? There’s no one around for miles!” He was not happy about doing this job, but someone had to. 5
“We’re doing it because it’s our turn, and so I don’t get left behind at some town, forced to walk countless miles back home.” Kel reminded him. Earlier that year, Kel had heard that Blaze was allowed to go on a journey with his father down south. Not wanting to be left behind, he had snuck out of his village in the middle of the night and followed the band of soldiers. He had been caught within the first few hours, but was allowed to stay as long as he held his keep. However, the warlord had made it very clear that if he misbehaved in any way, he would be sent home at once. So far, they had traveled half the country and Kel had not been sent home. 6
There was a tiring silence for a few minutes, until Kel once again heard the steadily breathing of his sleeping friend. He was about to wake him up when he heard shouts from the distance and smoke rising from across the treetops. He shook Blaze awake. 7
“Look over there! Quick! Something’s happening!” Blaze was up in a start, peering out into the starry, night sky. “Let’s go get father!” he decided. They both ran off toward the center of the camp, where the warlord slept. 8
Ten minutes later, they and a few spare men were rushing in the forest heading for the smoke. They darted through the trees, keeping as quiet as possible, as to not alert whatever was out there of their presence. Kel and Blaze were at the rear of the group, excited to be allowed to go with the older soldiers. Their breath quickened when the front soldier, a man by the name of Lance, raised his hand in warning to stop. They had approached the site. Kel crouched down then snuck forward for a view of the area. From the looks of it, it had been a campsite, however, now it was torched and burned to a crisp. Glancing around, he also saw the remains of a small struggle. Looking to the left, he had to cover his mouth from surprise. 9
There was a man crouching over a girl who was lying limp against a tree. He was hovering like a predator, waiting for the kill. “Time to end this once and for all girl. Don’t be mad now, it was your own doing that brought this upon you.” For the first time, Kel noticed the knife inching towards girls neck. He crawled quickly back to the waiting group. 10
“We’ve got to go in there! There’s a man about to kill a girl!” he whispered. Lance gave no answer, but nodded towards his men and rushed in. Kel and Bryce watched while the men surrounded the strangers. 11
“Stop in the name of the King!” Lance announced boldly, flashing his sword, “Take your filthy hands away from that poor girl.” 12
The stranger backed away from her slowly, showing dropping his knife to the ground. He wore peasant clothing that was not from any of the local towns. More from Tyridad, where his friends Lyn and Cyn, twins, were currently staying, Kel thought.13
Lance nodded approvingly, “Why were you trying to hurt the girl at this hour of the night?” The stranger spat on the ground, muttered something to himself, then disappeared off into the dark forest. Lance shook his head, “We’ll have to double the guard tonight. Kel! Blaze! See if you can wake the girl. Take her back to camp while I and the others search for that peddler.” Kel and Blaze hurried to the girl, and both froze in shock of recognition. 14
“It’s Lyn!” Blaze gasped, “What happened to her?” 15
“Something to do with that person standing over her, I should suspect.” Kel guessed. “But what I’m worried about is where Cyn is. The two never go anywhere without each other.” Blaze commented. Then, looking thoughtfully at her, “Come to think of it, I’ve only seen them apart once.” 16
“We can ask her once she wakes up,” Kel knelt beside her. She was pale, but he saw no cuts anywhere. He place his hand behind her head, and began to shake her slightly, “Lyn? Wake up, Lyn?” She didn’t move. “Lyn? What in the world?” He jerked his hand from behind her head. It was covered in blood. 17
Kel brushed it off onto the ground while Blaze turned her head over gently. “Kel look! She was nicked right here.” Blaze wiped off some off the blood and pointed to a cut. Normally, it wouldn’t have bled so much, but whatever hit her had hit an artery, Kel realized. “No wonder she won’t wake up.” he muttered. 18
“Can you bandage that up? I want to look for Cyn.” Kel nodded, and Blaze began his search. While Blaze studied the ground for clues, Kel ripped off a part of his cloak and tied it around Lyn’s head. As he was tying, he thought about the first time he met the twins. 19
He and Blaze were on their way to Harfen when they helped a boy to the side of the road fight off a pack of wolves. Afterward, the brown haired, green-eyed boy had thanked them, and introduced himself as Cyn. Cyn was also on his way to Harfen, where he was to meet up with his sister. The two found Cyn had a lighthearted spirit that could make anyone smile at the merest glance. Along the way, they had become fast friends, which made them excited to meet his sister. Kel had noticed that whenever they passed a farm of town, the girls they chatted with in inns seemed to flock to Cyn. He and Blaze weren’t jealous of Cyn’s good looks, it made them even more eager to meet his sister. When they finally arrived in Harfen, they watched as Cyn as rushed to greet Lyn, and embraced her as if he had not seen her in years. 20
While they were together, Kel had taken an instant liking to her. Lyn and Cyn shared the same solid brown hair color, and rare green eyes. Yet Lyn was a bit different from her twin. She was as cheery as her brother, but with wits and knowledge to match. When it came time for the twins to leave, he was sad to have to part. 21
He and Blaze encountered the twins many times while they were about the country. Often he asked where the twins were from, and why they were going about. He found this useless, for they would both answer, “We like to roam and explore the kingdom, to make new friends and see new places.” (Or something along those lines) The conversations would then turn in a different direction from there. 22
Finishing knotting the strip, Kel glanced at Blaze, “Any luck?” Blaze took one final glance around, and came back. “There’s multiple sets of footprints here Kel. Some fight must have gone on. I’ll bet anything that was the shouts we heard.” He sat down next to Kel and Lyn. Staring at the lone girl, he thought aloud, “They were supposed to be in Tyridad. What is she doing here, and where’s Cyn?” 23
“There’s nothing more we can do now Blaze; let’s get Lyn back to camp. When she wakes up, I’m sure she’ll explain everything.” Kel and Blaze gently hoisted her up and carefully carried her down to the campsite. 24
The next morning, Blaze stepped into a tent and found Kel sitting next to Lyn, concern plastered over his face. When he caught glance of Blaze, the concern was replaced with a stern, innocent look. “Any news of that peddler?” he asked. 25
Blaze shook his head, “The scouts lost him after a long chase. They aren’t too happy about it, so I recommend staying out of their way. How’s Lyn?” He moved in and sat down near her. “Father wants to leave soon. If she’s sick at all, we’ll have to stay one more day. Can’t put her on a horse if it could be dangerous.” 26
“She’s not up yet, still out cold.” Kel looked at her concerned. 27
The medic of the group, a man named Hal, walked in through the tent flap and started cleaning up his supplies. “She’s awake Kel. Been up for hours, stop messing with them Lyn.” Kel jumped as Lyn opened her eyes and grinned mischievously at them. 28
“Good morning Lyn,” Blaze remarked, “You do know it’s rude to eavesdrop, right?” 29
“Especially on the people who just saved your life!” Kel added, his face flushed. 30
Lyn’s green eyes flashed in amusement, “I am sorry, but I couldn’t help myself. It’s rather fun, you should try it sometime.” 31
Hal walked over to her and felt her forehead. “Good, still no fever. How do you feel?” 32
“Okay, a bit sore in the back of my head though. How do you feel?” Lyn slowly sat up, proving she was fine. 33
“I’m fine, thank you for asking. Can’t say anyone ever asks me that around here.” He grabbed a small cup filled with a dark liquid and handed it to her. “Take this, it’ll lessen the pain.” 34
Drinking the bitter tasting juice, Lyn listened as Kel and Blaze explained what had happened the night before. She almost spit the drink all over them when they mentioned not finding Cyn. “He wasn’t there? You couldn’t find him?” 35
Blaze shook his head, “Not at all. We couldn’t look long anyway, with you bleeding all over the place.” 36
“What happened anyway Lyn? Who was that man?” Kel asked, seriousness taking over his face. 37
“That…that doesn’t really matter right now. We need to find Cyn! He is nearby! I know it, we must find him!” Lyn was desperate, and it showed. 38
“But what happened Lyn? We can’t understand the urgency if you don’t explain what happened, and why you are here and not in Tyridad.” 39
“Cyn and I were working in this market, selling stuff to anyone that passed by. We needed a bit more money before we moved on. The owner was a nice person, but soon he started asking us to take out messages, at night to places that were hidden. Magically hidden. We ran them around, but secretly read them. One night it talked about some meeting.” Lyn told them.40
“Let me guess. You and Cyn were curious enough to go check it out?” Kel asked dryly.41
“Kinda, yeah. We went, and found out they were smugglers, major smugglers! We ran as fast as we could out of there, to somehow get word to the King or Guard, right? But we got caught soon enough, and had to flee. They caught up to us last night, and they took Cyn, I think.” 42
“There was no one you could’ve asked for help?” Blaze asked. 43
Lyn shook her head. “No one. Can you help me find Cyn now? He’s in trouble, I know it!” 44
“Lyn, we have to go. My father wanted to be in Silverton two days ago!” Blaze explained. “He isn’t happy when we go too slowly.” 45
“But we must find him! We have to--” Suddenly, Lyn screamed and collapsed backwards onto the bed. She fell silent almost immediately, very pale. 46
Kel and Blaze jumped up, and Hal rushed over to the bedside. “Lyn?” Turning back to the boys, he said, “She’s fainted for some reason. Everything is normal except for the headache, I’m not sure why. Blaze, go tell your father to wait a few more days. I don’t think we’ll be able to go anywhere until we’re sure Lyn’s in a stable condition.”47
Blaze nodded, and ran out the door, followed by Kel. Together they delivered the message, and relayed the finding to the awaiting warlord ready. Six foot five with a well-built frame, the man sat with his dark eyes piercing through every object at glace. His red hair was identical to Blaze’s, and had a red beard that he now stroked. He was known as Abler, a strong man who had the will of a mule. “Very well. I want to make our way to Silverton as fast as possible, but I won’t start now if the girl is in trouble.” The boys nodded, and left to go talk over things alone.48
Lyn woke up later that night, and glanced absentmindedly around the room. She could feel Cyn somewhere, somewhere close. He was hurting in his arm, but otherwise he was okay. She had to find him, and bring him back! Thinking back, she didn’t know if she could trust Kel or Blaze to help her. They would stop her, and tell her to go back to bed. But she had to find Cyn. So she quietly slipped out of bed, crept past the sleeping guards, and made her way out of the campsite. 49
“Hey Kel, get up!” Blaze whispered, “We’ve got to go.” They were in their tent, attempting to get a good night’s sleep. 50
Kel sat up quickly, “What’s wrong? Is there an intruder?” 51
Blaze shook his head, “Opposite, Lyn’s gone. She walked out a few minutes ago. We and a few others are going to follow and see where she goes.” 52
“Why would she leave? We’re not the people trying to kill her.” Kel spoke softly as her grabbed his sword and a soft coat. “Was she looking for Cyn?” 53
“We’ll soon find out.” 54
They walked through the forest, following a fresh track on the dark, deserted ground. They soon caught up and softly trailed her from a distance. Kel watched as Lyn suddenly bent over, kneeling in pain on the ground. He wanted to go help her, but Blaze held him back. “Not yet. She’s okay.” 55
Sure enough, Lyn climbed back to her feet and continued walking and muttering, ‘I’m coming Cyn, just hold on a bit longer. Can’t make it if you don’t. You’ve got to hold on.” Her breath became raspy and her throat dry as she carried on. 56
“Can’t we help her now?” Kel pleaded. Another solider shushed him and said quietly, “She’s leading us somewhere. I’m not sure if she knows where she’s going, but when she thinks she’s lost, then we’ll intervene. Only when she needs help.” Kel nodded sadly, and continued to creep after Lyn. 57
About thirty minutes of walking, Lyn approached a building, a peered around, examining the sides. She found a small door, and secretly let herself in. She slipped noiselessly, and was pulled toward the presence of her brother. Lyn jumped when she heard the door open behind her. She quickly ducked behind inside a doorway, and holding her breath, listened to the footsteps pass. Once she was sure they were gone, she crept back out and peered down the hallway. A group had stopped, and was looking around for something. One looked her way, forcing her to duck back into the doorway. Lyn heard them go on, then looked down the hallway just in time to see Kel turn the corner. What was he doing there! Drat, they must have followed. Not pleased with this new development, she inconspicuously continued on, feeling Cyn close by. Closer and closer she was drawn, intrigued by the desire to see her brother. Right as she was about to open a door that would lead her to Cyn, she felt a blow to her stomach and fell down on the spot. 58
Blaze had to stifle a gasp. The group had made it to the second level of the mysterious building, and found they could look down to the floors below them. While they were walking, they had caught a glimpse of Cyn. He was lying on the floor of a room, tied hand and foot, surrounded by two guards. The group had laid down on the floor to see what would happen when a man in an important looking outfit entered the room. 59
They watched Cyn look up defiantly at the man who just stared at him questioningly. “What do you know about our operations boy?” 60
“Nothing.” 61
“I’m going to let you try that one again. What do you know about our operations?” 62
“Nothing. Nothing at all.” 63
Blaze stifled a gasp as he watched the man slug his friend, causing the boy to sink low to the ground. 64
“Nobody lies to Traker.” He spit on the ground, then continued. “Now, who exactly are you kid? Why are you spying on me?” 65
“Sir, we were just looking for a job. We needed more money to eat and stuff.” Cyn answered. 66
The man scoffed, “Sure you did. I’m assuming ‘we’ means you dirty sister too, doesn’t it?” 67
Cyn looked worriedly at the door, the answered, “She ain’t dirty. I bet she takes more baths then you do.” Cyn sniffed the air and pretended to gasp, “I’ll bet anything.” 68
The man called Traker was about to teach the boy a good lesson, when the door opened. He turned around and started to yell at whatever man dared come in without permission until he saw exactly who had entered. 69
“Found her outside the door boss, leaning over and all.” The henchman pulled out from behind him Lyn, who, if looks could kill, would’ve made everyone in the room drop dead. (Save Cyn, of course) 70
Traker looked her over inspecting, “Sibling of the traitor returns! Come, have a seat by your brother.”71
“No.” Lyn said as she knocked out the guard holding her. “Let him go. We didn’t tell anyone about your plans. Let him go and ensure we still won’t tell anyone of your plans.” 72
“Why would I do that when I could just kill you both right now?” Traker grinned as he lunged toward her. They rolled for a moment and stopped when Lyn shoved him off. He jumped for her again, but was met halfway by Kel and Blaze, who blocked his path. Lyn sighed in relief as she stood behind them. Nervous, Traker fled towards Cyn and the two still guarding him. Looking back, he saw that the other part of the room had filled with Knights from the Royal Army. Traker pulled out a hidden dagger and held it to his captive’s throat. “Don’t anyone move, or else!” Everyone froze. 73
Traker looked around, and smiled. “Now then, I have a few questions to ask.” He turned towards Lyn, “Since your brother couldn’t tell me, you will. Who are you two, and why were you spying on me?” 74
“We were just looking for a job. Needed money, you know?” Lyn answered. 75
Traker was fed up. “Stop that!” He yelled. “Stop doing that to me!”76
“Stop what?” Blaze asked, “What are you talking about?” 77
“Stop playing games with me, that’s what boy! The two keep answering the same thing! There’s no difference between them!” Although it didn’t seem right, nor not necessarily the right time, Kel was inclined to agree.78
“Respectively sir, my answer was differently worded then-” Cyn stopped as he watched the knife go closer to his neck. Traker gave him a sudden slap that knocked him down and said, “Be quiet kid!” 79
To everyone’s surprise, Lyn fell to the ground too. She groaned as Kel and Blaze picked her up. “Are you okay?” Kel asked.80
She quickly brushed him off and stood up. “Fine, just…tripped over my self, that’s all. Tired, kinda.” 81
Traker thought something was wrong with that picture. Holding the knife to Cyn’s neck, he thought it out. A smile once again crossed his face and he said quietly, “You two are fated, aren’t you?” Everyone instantly turned to Lyn, who had stiffened at the thought. “What are you talking about?” she tried to lie, but fooled no one. 82
Traker laughed, “You two are twins who are fated. What happens to one-” He punched Cyn in the arm, and watched Lyn suddenly cringe in pain. “-happens to the other. You two are bound by the same fate!” 83
Blaze turned in amazement, “Is this true Lyn?” Painfully, she nodded, keeping her eyes to the ground. 84
“Well that explains a lot!” Kel grunted, “You could tell where he was, or if he was in trouble, couldn’t you? And when you fainted yesterday, it was because…”85
“Because what happens to him happens to her.” Traker declared. “And I am going to use this talent to get some answers!” He grabbed Cyn by the neck and asked, “Who are you two really and who sent you?” 86
Lyn felt every amount of pressure that tightened around her twins neck. “Truthfully sir, we were just trying to earn money! Nobody sent us!” Traker closed his fingers tighter around Cyn. “Shouldn’t you two have parents to supply money kid?” 87
Lyn collapsed to the ground and had to hold herself up. Sweat lined her brow as she concentrated on breathing. Kel and Blaze went to help her, but realized there was nothing they could do. 88
“I…we…we do have parents…but we like going around on our own…” She stumbled on her words. 89
“Not good enough!” He sent his guards forward to bring her to him. Warning the knights and two boys, he spoke, “Don’t even try to stop them.” 90
Before they reached her, she looked at Cyn, who was in every bit of trouble as she was. “Our parents...are…they are the…” 91
Traker was listening, “Go on.” 92
Lyn was gasping for breath as she single-handily stunned the entire room. “Our parents…are…Rahdon…and…Amethyst…” Her face started turning red. “Sorry Cyn…” Traker was so surprised, he dropped Cyn.93
Kel did not know who those people were, but he noticed all the knights in the room suddenly pause in disbelief. He looked over at Blaze, who was just staring at the twins. 94
The guards who sent to get her stopped for a moment, then continued on their way. They grabbed her harshly, and started to drag her over to the other side of the room. Lyn tried to resist, but was too tired to do much. They threw her on the ground next to Cyn. 95
Traker grinned at the two with the smile of a madman, “Looks like you two aren’t all that bad after all.”96
While he was distracted, Kel noticed a knight slowly heads towards the twins. Another knight, Conrad, shifted his weight and whispered to Kel and Blaze, “We need a distraction! Keep his gaze away from the twins!” 97
Blaze obviously didn’t have any ideas, so Kel rushed at Traker, hitting him head on. Following his cue, Blaze jumped Traker as he tried to regain his balance. They both fell to the ground, fists flying in every direction. Trakers guards tried to cut in, but were held back by three knights. The unseen knight passed Traker and headed toward the twins. He helped a struggling Lyn untie Cyns bonds, and directed them away from the battle as they made their way to the door. When they reached it, he ushered them through it and they left the building. 98
Inside, Kel and Blaze had managed to pin Traker to the ground. He was yelling at them when Blaze decided that he didn’t need to hear such colorful language and knocked him out. Kel felt Trakers body go limp and knew he could stop holding him down. 99
Kel stood and surveyed the room. The knights had easily taken down the few guards. Conrad made his way towards the boys, “Looks like you two did a good job.” He slung the doll called Traker over his shoulder. “We’d better head back and put these three with the other prisoners back at camp.” 100
Conrad walked away, and Kel turned to Blaze. His friend had bruises and complementary scraps all over his face. He also had a black eye, and Kel was sure that his own image mirrored Blazes. “Hey, Blaze?” he asked as they made their way back. 101
“Yeah?” 102
“Who is Randon and Amethyst? And why were you surprised to hear that?” 103
Blaze looked at his friend with shock plastered all over his face, “You’ve never heard of them before?” 104
“Not at all.” 105
“Kel!” Blaze gasped, “Those names belong to the King and Queen!” 106
Later that night, after everyone who needed help got it and the camp had settled down, Kel found Cyn and Lyn as they stepped out of Abler’s tent. When he approached them, he greeted them. “Good evening…I suppose I have to bow now?” 107
Cyn laughed, “No, you don’t have to. We would really prefer no one bowing or called us fancy names, yet everyone seems to laugh at that.”108
Kel smiled at Lyn, “So, you two are the prince and princess? Why keep the secret from us?” 109
“We didn’t tell you because we wanted to be normal for once. At home, everyone is always fussing over us!” Lyn answered distastefully. “The only way to get away from it was to travel about.” 110
“You would be surprised at how many people in the palace think that because we’re twins we should look exactly the same. Don’t mean to offend anyone, but I have to say I have burned more ribbon then wood in our hearth.” Cyn complained, disgustingly remembering the tightness of the bows. 111
Kel chuckled, “That would’ve been a nightmare.” There was a pause, then Kel asked quietly, “Does this, does this mean you two will be leaving soon?” 112
“Tomorrow,” Lyn whispered sadly, “Some of Ablar’s guards will accompany us back home.”113
“Oh.” Kel knew they would be leaving, but he didn’t think they would be leaving that soon! He shifted his weight uneasily, “I wish you a safe journey home.” 114
“Thank you, but truthfully, we don’t wish to be going home…” Cyn muttered. “Mother and Father won’t be too happy that we returned home early.” 115
Seeing Kel’s confused look, Lyn explained, “Our parents are aware that we go on these little adventures, and approve of us getting to know the country. The only rules they ask is that we come home on a certain date…No sooner, no less. There’s supposed to be a lesson in there somewhere, I think.”116
Blaze came up behind Kel and added in, “Whatever the case, we’re going to miss you. Don’t be surprised if we show up randomly at the palace someday. You know, in case you find yourselves in more trouble.” 117
The twins both giggled, then looked at their friends. “Thank you so much for you help guys, I couldn’t of gotten Cyn back safely without you.” Lyn gave them both a hug. 118
“Same here. If we can repay you in anyway, tell us. Just remember that any money is our parents, not ours, so please don’t request that…” Cyn added, sending them into a small laugh. Then he turned serious, “One thing though. You absolutely cannot, under any circumstances, tell anyone who we are, or that we’re fated together.” 119
Kel and Blaze both nodded, then started poking Cyn and asking if Lyn could feel it. They walk the twins to their tent, where they said their final goodbyes and good nights. 120
A week later, Blaze and Kel found themselves doing some mapping with Abler, the most fun fest job anyone could ask for. They had reached Silverton two days before, and were comfortably seated in one of the libraries. Mapping was a dreary task to complete, but they both knew someone had to do it. As they were tidying before lunch, a messenger came in with urgent news. 121
“Sir Abler?” the man asked. 122
Abler glared at him, “What do you want? Hurry now, haven’t gotten all day, you know.”123
The man fidgeted, “It’s about Prince Cyn and Princess Lyn. After about a day of traveling, they disappeared into the night. All they left was a note talking about being too early for something.” 124
Abler and the messenger puzzled over this while Blaze and Kel smiled to each other. They both had figured their friends would run away from those guards sooner or later, and weren’t surprised in the least to hear the news. Kel knew that wherever they were, they were enjoying the experience of being a normal teen. 125
Abler turned to Blaze and Kel, saying, “What are you two laughing at?” 126
Author notes
This is a story I wrote while taking a break from my long one. I kind of like it, but think it could use some work.
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
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Awww. I took too long reading. Well, first of all this is an incredible story. Secondly, since i didn't get to enter the contest I will leave a free suggestion for you here. Title: The Crouching Tree
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This is really Great!!! You must have a great imagination to think of all of that. Keep up the good work.
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I like it- There was a very original storyline here (at least as far as I know of...). I like the idea behind it and the imagery.
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2 thumbs way way up!! FAN-BLEEDIN-TASTIC!! I am really really impressed, you have an abvious talent my dear. I love the storyline, the fated twins is seriously inspired, im thinking of a name for it to enter your contest. antyhoo keep up the good work, keep penning lollylou x
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This is really good! Totally worth every bit of the read and the applause! Sometimes it can be really hard to make a short story because you have to know how to have all the info necessary to the story, but also not get too lengthy with it. This hit both points though and in a very aluring way! Excellent. I love everything - the storyline was really great. Keep writing.
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amazing
Ok--you need to add the next chapter--I am so engrossed in the story it's unbelievable. You really have a knack for drawing the reader into the story. I will be entering your contest to name this story,hopefully you will have an addition to it soon. Very good work! -
awesome
Great story and I followed it through quite well. You have a great imagination. -
Very nice Dreamer. Thanks for sharing!
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Great work I enjoyed it!!!!
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...I don't know. How many girls are mentioned? And maybe there's a name relation, I dunno. (rolls eyes and sighs)
Kevin kevin kevin...what will I ever do with you?
~Lynn -
Interesting enough...A lot of names im not to good with names.... The story I thought was great though. But knowing you most the time you base your stories on yourself...Who are you in this one if thats true....
Great job!
Me -
yay!! this is awesome!!! i'm guessing you named the princess after yourself? lol. this is great! and the coffee background rocks! do you still need a title? what about 'fated'? i dunno. good concept for a story, and very well written! good job!
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Additional note...the background has nothing to do with the story.
I just like it, and am never going to write something on coffee, so used it!
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