“How do you feel?”1
Don’t ask me how I feel. I can’t answer. There are no words to describe all these emotions continually flooding through me. No words for the conflicting sensations that surge through my veins when I’m around you.2
“I’m fine.”3
I see and feel and remember so many confusing and contradictory things when I look into your eyes… your beautiful brown eyes. I can see all the laughter we’ve shared. I can feel the confusion I so often feel when I’m with you. I remember all the pain you’ve caused me; all the hurt I did nothing to deserve. And… love. I see the love in my eyes reflected in yours… I feel the love that pours through me whenever I lay eyes on you… I remember how it felt when you loved me back; loved me in every way imaginable… once upon a time. But now the only way you love me is platonic - friendship love. Is that enough for me, though?4
“Are you sure?”5
You have no idea how much you’ve hurt me. It’s like the pain you feel when you accidentally staple your tongue to the wall… only this hurt is deeper; it’s coming from the inside. From my heart. And what makes it worse is that I trusted you. I really thought that you were different - you sure proved me wrong. You act as though you’ve completely forgotten the love we once shared.6
“Uh huh.”7
Pain is a funny thing, isn’t it? You bury it deep down inside - almost to the soles of your feet - but somehow, it always finds its way back to the surface. Always.8
“All right, then…”9
There’s another emotion inside me, creeping up between love and hurt. Hate. The hate that boils over when you treat me like crap to impress some girl. Do I really hate you? Sometimes. But I love you, too. Can I truly feel both?10
“Adam?”11
All the beautiful memories we created together are fading. I can no longer recall the taste of your kiss when I close my eyes. And that hurts so bad. If I have to lose your love, I want to at least be able to remember how it felt to be with you. But, cruelly, it seems even that is being snatched away from me.12
“Yes?”13
Can I hold you? Just once more? Can I wind my arms around you, melt into your embrace, become lost in your kiss… feel you against me, caress you, want you, love you… one more time?14
“Nothing.”15
Do you know what it’s like to have someone in your head every second of every day? Do you know how it feels to lie awake at night thinking about them… wondering if they’re thinking about you, too? Do you know how exhausting it gets, not getting enough sleep at night because they’re forever dancing across your thoughts? Do you know the pain it cause when you’re burning for someone, longing to touch them, aching for their embrace? Do you have any idea at all?16
“OK, well… I’d better go. Catch you later, Jess.”17
I just want to know if there’s a chance for us. Any at all, no matter how slim or remote it may be. Because if there is, then I have something to live for; something to get me through the darkest of days. And if there’s not, if this really is the end for us… then I guess I’ll just go on existing as best I can. And forever hold a secret flame for you… locked away where no one will ever see it.18
“Goodbye…”19
Author notes
OMFG this won bronze - twice!!
I hate having conversations with him, saying nothing at all... it's so hard, when you're thinking all this stuff and can't say any of it... I hate him asking me how I am - I can't give him an honest answer.
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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I wish I could say I understand, and on some level I do. I'm going through something like this, but it's a one sided deal because this person cares a great deal about me, but he doesn't love me back yet.
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beautifully emotional and honest.... like a look into your soul. you have made yourself naked and vulnerable to us... your thoughts are the thoughts of many and yet your own. this is a very unique and special piece, thank you for sharing it with me.
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:) :( :)
aw this conversation piece you've written brings tears to my eyes, very moving -
Lost love is hard for the one that hasn't lost it. Times change and so do people. Love doesn't always mean forever. Enjoy it while it is around and when it is gone keep the memories, but life goes on and there will be other loves out there. I know this is true because I spent many days and nights alone crying, but I am married to a wonderful woman that completes me even more than the love I lost. You will again find love, but you have to let go. The old love was not wrong, but trying to hold on to what is gone is. It's OK to wish for what was, but not at the price of loosing what still can be! Good luck, The Shaker
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Awww...that was sad. It leaks emotion and sadness. It gives off a sense of missing someone you really do love! Good job!
~Merber~ -
This was a beautiful write. It's so emotional... And so easy to relate to. Thanks for entering it.
Good luck in my contest,
Ashley -
Weird symbols everywhere, but I suppose that's not your fault. The story itself is decent, but somewhat cliche.
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Excellent
Excellent, how many times I've been through just this! -
I LOVE THIS
Holy **** this was so good. discriptive but not too emo decriptive like some tend to be. I could really put myself in your place and it helps to know someone else is there!
love always
<3
Lizzie -
Hey, oMg! this poem is like woooow!! im seriously.. Umm my name is jessica and my ex boyfriend name is Adam! and omg! i used to feel the same dang thing for him. But hey i finally got over him and now im with someone so much better.
GREAT POEM!
can really relate
.*.Jessica.*. -
WoW!!.. I love this piece. Very good. the whole time reading this i had one person in my mind. my ex. the one who broke my heart and yet acts lik it wasnt ever there. Myabe it wasnt, on his side. But its all good. I love this writting. Your great!
-mi amor -
*Remembers to breathe* Wow that is superb! I haven't seen a poem written like this before but I like it! "Do you really hate you?" Is that meant to be do -I- really hate you? The fabulousness just keeps coming. As always,
Kat
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this is so great...theres so much raw emotion. I loved it..keep writing!
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