Winter Wonderland

I walk down these narrow allies at night, they are empty and cold.  I look for a nice place to rest my back against and fall asleep hoping I make it through these harsh winter nights.  The snow falls from the sky fluttering down.  As the wind blows, white lines form against the black night.  I walk with hope to find a nice warm wall.  I walk with shame for what I have become.  I walk around to find the place I found a few nights before it was cozy there.  Was it on Forty-second Street or forty-third?  I look on both blocks I finally find it.  It was left the way I had left it those few nights ago.  As I sit with my back against the wall I look over toward the dumpster across the ally, I see something that looks like some sort of cloth.  I walk over to find something only fanaticized about by someone like me.  I pull it up out of the dumpster to find not just one, not two or three, but four.  Four blankets with a few holes in each I lay one on the ground and fold it up by where I’ll lay my head.  I’ll try laying tonight something I haven’t done since I was a teen, what was I thinking I could make it in this cold lonely world on my own?  I cover myself with the other three and lay myself close to the restaurants wall.  I know it’s a restaurant because I can smell the food inside.  I know I’ll have something yummy to eat in the morning. They must through some of their food away.  The smells are teasing.  As I try to fall asleep the snow hits my face gathering making it hard to do so.  I pull the blankets up over my face.1

In the morning I wake up to squeak, boom!  I jump up to see what is going on.  A tall pale man walks over to the dumpster he throws his huge bag in it and walks back to the door.  He looks my way and starts to say something then we hear a squeal, boom, bang, crash as a tractor-trailer truck runs into a BMW.  The man runs inside as I stand there in shock staring at the splattered blood on the passenger window.  The ambulance arrives about twenty minutes later and about fifteen minutes after the ambulance the man comes out with food for me.  I thanked him and he asked me to come inside.  I did he lead me to the employee bathroom to wash up.  I thanked him again.  When I return outside there’s two people on stretchers with white blankets covering their bodies.  I knew they were dead.  I looked all around the site when the paramedics, police, firemen, and the surrounding people left.  I looked for money clothing, something to drink, and food.  As I walked over to what was remaining of the car I heard weeping.  As I bent down I saw a little girl crying.  I said, “Are you okay?”  2

She said “No.”3

“Are you hurt?” I asked.4

She replied, “No, my parents are dead.”5

I gave her a sorrowful look and told her she could stay with me.  I did not realize what I had offered but the little girl looked so happy that I could not take it back.  She stopped weeping and looked at me with her big round blue eyes and asked, “Where is it that you live?”  She accepted my invitation; luckily for me little children do not care what a person looks like as long as they are nice to them.6

“I live on the street.” I replied.7

“What street?”  She asked so curiously.8

“Ummm… uh… that one there.”9

“Right there?” She asked pointing to where I had slept last night.10

I said, “Yes, you see those blankets I sleep on them, right in that very spot.”11

“Can we go stay at my house?” She asked while making a face.12

“Sure, will it be okay for you to, you know like hard?”13

“ No, I don’t think so.”14

The little girl and I started to walk.15

“My name is Teresa and I’m ten.”16

“That’s cool. I’m Rosetta and I’m 22.”17

As we walked to the upper part of the state there were children playing outside in the snow.  There were snowmen, women, and children being built.  When we finally arrived at her house there was a brick pathway leading to her front door and a perfect little snow family already perfectly built.  It made me miss my family.   We went inside and I looked around in every room.  This house is huge.   Much bigger than the one I lived in growing up.  I looked in the living room, dinning room, all four bedrooms, the three bathrooms, the library, laundry room, entry way, kitchen, and the office.  In the office I looked around and saw an empty desk with a lonely folded piece of paper laying on it.  I could not help myself.  I started walking over to it and I sat down at the desk in the most comfortable chair I have ever set my butt in to read it.  It read:18

Dear new career of my child,19

I stopped reading it and thought to myself, me take care of this child, I cannot even take care of myself.  I began to read it again.20

Drear new career of my child,21

My husband and I are not happy and our little girl deserves the best and we feel we are not the best parents for her. On this day 2/3/2005 we are going to get into a car accident.  We have left money in the safe for you to get by on for a few months and in out savings accounts there is much more money, but please only use that for emergencies.  Also Teresa has money in her college account.  The combination to the safe is 45-7-23. The papers for the accounts are in the top drawer. Please take good care of me little girl and let her know every day that her daddy and I love her more than anything.  Please do better for her than my husband and I could.  Love her as much as we have. Tell her we were wonderful people and if you need to know more about us then look in the file cabinets they will tell you everything. Good luck and hug my little girl for me.  Have her visit our graves every Sunday. 22

Thank-you so much,23

Mrs. And Mr. Aburrouchie24

I decided not to tell Teresa about the letter.  Six years went by and I had gone to college and passed with high honors.  I am now a doctor and on my free time I’m an author.  Teresa is now sixteen and knows nothing about the letter.  She knows her parents loved her.  She is the smartest person in her school and the only thing I have.  I believe I have taken good care of her.  It’s hard to believe that only six years ago I was living on the streets with no where to go and now, tada, here I am in the most beautiful house, I am a doctor, I have a beautiful child to take care of.  Life is just good.  It’s funny how things change.  Teresa and I have started a little home for the homeless to stay during the winter its just around the corner we decided to call it Winter Wonderland.  25

I taught Teresa how to cook so she goes over after school and makes them supper.  Then comes home to do her homework.  Speaking of food it’s time for supper.  Teresa and I sit at the supper table and we are talking about how our days went.  Then all of a sudden she asks me why I was living on the street.  I told her the story.  “ I grew up in a middle class family my brother was the only one that was mean to me.  My mom and dad were as happy as could be and one year everything went down hill.  My brother got worse, dad became an alcoholic, and mom became abusive.  I decided that wasn’t a good environment for me so I left at the age of fifteen.  My mom told me once you walk out that door you aren’t allowed back in I haven’t been back every since. Being on the street of New York is very hard but I just couldn’t live with my family any longer.”  26

“What were my parents like?” Asked Teresa.27

“Well honey I’m not really sure I didn’t know them I just found you weeping at your parents accident site and asked if you wanted to stay with me but once you…”28

She cut me off.  “I remember.”29

There was a silence…. “Why did my parents have to die?”30

“Well everyone has to die.”31

“Yes, but why them I loved them and they loved me.”32

“Yes, but even those you love have to die.”33

“Yes, I know, but….”34

I cut her off.  “There’s something I probably should have told you a long time ago.”35

“What?”36

“Eat and we’ll go for a walk and I’ll tell you.”37

“Ok.” She said like she wasn’t sure what was going on.38

We bundled up in out thick winter jackets, scarfs, hats, and gloves. We walked out the front door in to the powdery white falling sky.  We looked up at the stars as I told her how her parents killed themselves because they believed they were unfit parents and how I found the letter.  She started to cry blaming herself.  I kept telling her it wasn’t her fault.  She took the news so hard.  A few days later I came home after work expecting Teresa to be at the table where she usually was when I arrived home, but in her place I found a note.  I didn’t read it in fear of what it may say.  I ignored it like there was nothing there trying to think nothing of it.  I walked up the stairs to her room.   Only to find her hanging there but a thick lassoed rope.  I screamed and ran down stairs called 911 they came and I balled my eyes out.  Now I’m back to having nothing.  Everything happens in the winter.  I left home in the winter, her parents died in the winter, I found her, and she died in the winter.  I walk outside in the snow and just lay there letting the soft, cold snowflakes fall all over my body.  I walk down the street in shame, in doubt, in pain; I walk through this winter wonderland, wondering why everything happens in the winter.  Why can’t winter be happy?  Why do I suffer most in the winter? This winter wonderland is not as happy as the song that is played about this time of year.  It is heard by all.39

I see children playing, I see Teresa, at the age of eleven, and I playing in the snow we are making snow angels and then we had a snowball fight.  I was all she had and she was all I had and now she’s gone.  With this winter wonderland at foot I will never be able to be happy or be close to someone.  I go back inside and open the letter reading. 40

Dear Rosetta,41

You were all I had and I’m sorry I must leave you like this remember me as I was. Remember I love you I know you love me as if I was your own…42