The alarms were blaring loudly in this place. The sirens, loud, and angry, as red lights flashed all through the room. This room, a dark and metallic shine all around, with a large pod in the middle. A timer was ticking down on the front of it, bright green LCDs flickering, while a small window was in the front, showing the interior of the pod a little. Not much could be seen, except for the face of a young man looking out, frantically banging on the sides of the window and making motions with his mouth. 4:00.1
On the other side, in the room itself, was a young woman, who was pulling against a large handle on the pod, and kicking at it, struggling terribly. They both seemed very intent on getting the pod open, as the timer worked down every second. 3:35.2
The girl had tears in her eyes, as she cried out in anguish, slamming her fists against the metal pod. Inside, the boy held a palm to the glass, and motioned "It will be okay" through the glass. 3:02.3
The girl cried more, as she pressed both her palms against the door, and leaned against the window. "I'll get you out! I will!" 2:53.4
The girl then continued to pull on the door, strain showing in her face, her muscles being worked to their extremes. With one leg propped up on the front, she was pushing herself off the pod, hands gripping onto the handle, her arms taut with the force. Small streaks of red could be seen sliding down her arms, and sweat droplets ran down her face. 2:28.5
The alarms suddenly stopped, but the red lights continued to flash in the room, giving it the look of the inside of a heart. The only sounds that could be heard were coming from the girl as she struggled desperately to get the boy free. He was trying too, his face showing a grimace of pain as he was pushing and banging against the front of the pod. His pursuit was muted though, like a mime in a box. 2:11.6
Suddenly, a large door slid open from behind the girl, and a very tall man walked into the room, hidden from view by a large black cloak. A mask hid his face, save his smile. A wicked smile it was, too, with just the upper row of teeth showing and no gums, crooked to one side. "Well, look what we have here..." The girl paused and quickly turned around, freezing in fear at the sight of the man. She held onto the handle still, not letting up. 1:37.7
The man reached out, and grabbed the girl away from the door. He had a large frame, as could be seen by his massive hand, taking hold of her shoulder and tearing her away from the door, causing a loud crack to sound in her arms. He lifted her in the air and held her aloft, facing towards the tiny porthole in the pod. The boy's face could be seen, angry, as he was screaming, and banging even harder on the door, struggling even more than before, as bloodstains were left on the glass. 1:09.8
The man made a small, deep chuckle, as he looked to the girl, holding her out toward the pod, so she could see the timer as it went down. "...that's so sad, isn't it? You were so close... then again, I doubt you would have been able to get the door open." He chuckled again, as the girl started to struggle in his grasp, trying to get free. The timer clicked, green light shining onto the girl's face. :45.9
The boy pressed his face against the window, his face red, screaming loudly. Tears could be seen running down his cheeks, as he continued to bang his fists. The red could be seen running alongside his tears... The girl started to cry, and flailed in a pathetic attempt to get away from the grip. "No! Let me go! You can't drop him like that! Please!" The man just kept laughing, his whole body moving up and down with his enjoyment. His entire form was nothing but black, save for the silver of his mask and his open mouth, spewing forth that hideous laugh. :13.10
The man stopped laughing just long enough to stare directly at the boy. The mask hid his face, yes, but where his eyes would be, there showed only two red slits in his mask, glowing dark, looking straight at the young man in the pod. "Five... Four... Three..." :02.11
The girl's eyes welled up with tears, as she choked out a soft plea. "Don't go away."12
"One."13
The boy's eyes widened in fear, as tears ran down his face. He mouthed out some words, but they could not be seen. When the timer hit zero, the room opened up behind the pod. Blue sky could be seen all around, as clouds flew past the opening. A large whooshing noise, and the pod was ejected. The last thing the boy saw was the girl, then blue, then darkness.14
"...I'll come back for you..."15
On the other side, in the room itself, was a young woman, who was pulling against a large handle on the pod, and kicking at it, struggling terribly. They both seemed very intent on getting the pod open, as the timer worked down every second. 3:35.2
The girl had tears in her eyes, as she cried out in anguish, slamming her fists against the metal pod. Inside, the boy held a palm to the glass, and motioned "It will be okay" through the glass. 3:02.3
The girl cried more, as she pressed both her palms against the door, and leaned against the window. "I'll get you out! I will!" 2:53.4
The girl then continued to pull on the door, strain showing in her face, her muscles being worked to their extremes. With one leg propped up on the front, she was pushing herself off the pod, hands gripping onto the handle, her arms taut with the force. Small streaks of red could be seen sliding down her arms, and sweat droplets ran down her face. 2:28.5
The alarms suddenly stopped, but the red lights continued to flash in the room, giving it the look of the inside of a heart. The only sounds that could be heard were coming from the girl as she struggled desperately to get the boy free. He was trying too, his face showing a grimace of pain as he was pushing and banging against the front of the pod. His pursuit was muted though, like a mime in a box. 2:11.6
Suddenly, a large door slid open from behind the girl, and a very tall man walked into the room, hidden from view by a large black cloak. A mask hid his face, save his smile. A wicked smile it was, too, with just the upper row of teeth showing and no gums, crooked to one side. "Well, look what we have here..." The girl paused and quickly turned around, freezing in fear at the sight of the man. She held onto the handle still, not letting up. 1:37.7
The man reached out, and grabbed the girl away from the door. He had a large frame, as could be seen by his massive hand, taking hold of her shoulder and tearing her away from the door, causing a loud crack to sound in her arms. He lifted her in the air and held her aloft, facing towards the tiny porthole in the pod. The boy's face could be seen, angry, as he was screaming, and banging even harder on the door, struggling even more than before, as bloodstains were left on the glass. 1:09.8
The man made a small, deep chuckle, as he looked to the girl, holding her out toward the pod, so she could see the timer as it went down. "...that's so sad, isn't it? You were so close... then again, I doubt you would have been able to get the door open." He chuckled again, as the girl started to struggle in his grasp, trying to get free. The timer clicked, green light shining onto the girl's face. :45.9
The boy pressed his face against the window, his face red, screaming loudly. Tears could be seen running down his cheeks, as he continued to bang his fists. The red could be seen running alongside his tears... The girl started to cry, and flailed in a pathetic attempt to get away from the grip. "No! Let me go! You can't drop him like that! Please!" The man just kept laughing, his whole body moving up and down with his enjoyment. His entire form was nothing but black, save for the silver of his mask and his open mouth, spewing forth that hideous laugh. :13.10
The man stopped laughing just long enough to stare directly at the boy. The mask hid his face, yes, but where his eyes would be, there showed only two red slits in his mask, glowing dark, looking straight at the young man in the pod. "Five... Four... Three..." :02.11
The girl's eyes welled up with tears, as she choked out a soft plea. "Don't go away."12
"One."13
The boy's eyes widened in fear, as tears ran down his face. He mouthed out some words, but they could not be seen. When the timer hit zero, the room opened up behind the pod. Blue sky could be seen all around, as clouds flew past the opening. A large whooshing noise, and the pod was ejected. The last thing the boy saw was the girl, then blue, then darkness.14
"...I'll come back for you..."15
Author notes
Not the best thing I've done, but it was spur of the moment. The images were running through my head as I listened to a song called "Brother Goes Away" from the Ollie King OST. It made me sad for some reason and I wrote this... -Dan
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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This is a great piece. I love the countdown, especially the "five, four, three" :02. Where it could improve: give the characters more description to make them more vivid. They feel... I dont know.. anonymous I guess. The intensity of it is so great, but I think if I knew more about the characters I would feel even more for them and it would kick it up a level. But the intensity is definitely there, and the open end is great - you could go somewhere with this
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I *really* enjoyed this. Is it meant to be open-ended or can we hope for a continuance to the story? It just seemed to keep up a steady flow of the intenseness of the time element. Very nice, dear!
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Veilen Dank
Intense story, but with a tiny note of hope at the end. You have a very vived style "like the inside of a heart" "a mime in a box" etc. Flashes of brilliance in your work. Great read
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great
wow. great job with this... i loved the tone and the mood you sent with this. you should really expand on this! it'd make a great story! nicely done -
Wow, this is a keep you on the edge of your seat!!! You did an amazing job on this. Oh I wish it were longer....I didn't want to stop reading! Bravo and kudos to you my friend. Incredible
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That was a great ending doll, and adding the time at the end of each paragraph was a nice touch indeed.
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yay!! it's was so cool you should continue it dan-san!!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~joei -
beautifully written danny boi! i told ya id have a puddle on my keyboard and i do! XD
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I really like this... the imagery is great!! Good Job!!
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Wow...that was wonderful......but what i was wondering was if the man in the cloak...was he Death?....This was great...
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i think this was wonderfully done!! If this is not one of your best, then your best must blow people totally away! Wow! An excellent write, my friend!
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