Chapter Three:1
Things Suck Worse2
(Beware; this chapter is a lot touchier than the previous ones. We deal with some tougher issues here…don’t flame if you happen to barf or something while reading this chapter. Blood Warning.)3
Colin stood in front of the door, hesitating. Slowly, he opened it, and stepped inside. No one was home, and the house was utterly silent. Colin slipped out of his shoes, and left them by the door. He cautiously walked towards his room, still retaining the ominous feeling. The closet was open, something that his parents never let happen. They were odd about that. ‘If you are the last one out, you must close all doors and closets,’ they would say. This only added to Colin’s already worried emotions. Colin opened the door to his room, sighing that it at least was closed. 4
Colin flopped down on his bed, and noticed his own closet was cracked slightly open. Even more nervous than before, he got up, wondering what the hell might be causing something as weird as this. He opened the closet door all the way, revealing Colin’s worst nightmare. He rubbed his eyes, trying to get this sight out of them. He turned from the closet and ran in utter terror, tears already streaming down his face; he was choking back huge sobs. 5
Colin burst out of the house, just needing to run and burn himself out of energy. His heart had begun to slow down after about a half hour of just running, and he stopped, regaining his breath. Then, he took off into an insane burst of speed, and bolted around the block at a suicidal pace. When he was utterly exhausted, he simply slumped to the ground, trying to get his heart to beat normally.6
When his pulse calmed, he stood and walked back to his own home, which he entered and walked to his room, trying to keep his cool. Colin entered his room, and stopped in front of the still open closet, trying to actually absorb the sight. In his closet lay the slouched, bleeding, cut into body of his greatest and only true friend, Patricia. In her left hand, limp, lay Colin’s…sculptor’s tool, the Stylet dagger he had gotten as a gift four years ago, and in her right hand lay a box cutter; both items were stained with dried blood, yet her wounds were still dripping. 7
Colin didn’t know what to do; he didn’t know how to get this taken care of without, in best case scenario, no one on Earth finding her here, or in not-so-great scenario, only having a very limited few find her here.8
Author notes
Chapter Three of A Tale of Life.
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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WRITE MORE! Im hooked on this one! LOL. It's good so far. Keep going, please???
Can I put you on my favorites so I dont lose this page?
Edited on Aug 05, 10:55 p.m. because '... forgot something... *grumbles*'. -
Ooooooh, I think you are getting better. Is this the end, or is there more? I like the concept you are using here. It feels like it could still use some work though. I hope you continue to make it better.
Peace,
Lo
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No worries Tekki, I have bookmarked it so that I can watch out for it as I know you are busy~Take care my young friend~angelica
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Heh, sorry, Angelica, my stories have taken a sort of a hiatus. I am really busy and...stuff? I am only writing story chapters for a Fiction Writing Workshop that I am participating in. Anyways, thanks for the great comments and all, they're appreciated.
...
~Tekki
(awkward silence.) -
When are you going to add another chapter to your story? I turnt the page and it was empty
angelica
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Wow I am finding it amazing..poor patricia and poor Colin finding her like that..wow want to read more..off I go......turn the page..
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Is cool, I hope my comments didnt cause offence, I just love reading, and really want to know what happens next. Is this story fictional or is there a semblance of truth, and is the character based on anyone in particular. I have a hunch but I'll keep it to myself. More please, can't wait...dtp
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My friend, I am nowhere near doen with this story. I haven't updated recently, but I am working on a chapter. Thanks for the awesome review!
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Hmmmmmm, sorry, you lost me. If I bought a book with an ending such as this, a swift email would be dispatched to the author voicing my disapproval. Another thing, there is nothing blood and gutsy here. Nothing to make one "barf". You need imagery. lots off it. You have no story at the moment so you need to keep folks interested. For example; He enters the house and removes his shoes, he finds the body (but we don't know that) then proceedes to run around the block as fast as he can. With bare feet, rocks, stones, anything would hurt, even in his emotional state we need to "feel".
When he is looking around his house we need to "feel" the silence, "feel" his heart beat, the sweat on his palms. The haunting whistle of wind through a window slightly ajar. When he saw Patri, what was her expression..try this.." Patricia was slumped in a grotesque way, her arms and legs at awkward angles. He could see her face, still with her poorly applied make up, pale and with a painful expression. On her right wrist was a three inch incision, deep and fatal. Her body was drained of blood and life."... Something like that. Suicide usually means a note being left. What did the suicide note say? This is a good start to a story. This shouldn't be the end merely the end of chapter 1. We need a middle then an end. How does the Gothic one move on from here and how does his life pan out. Write more please, lets see what happens...dtp
Edited on Feb 01, 4:24 because 'the voices in my head told me to do it.'. -
woah!!!! yeah, ive read this from the beggining and just decided to comment here. what happens next???!!! lol youve got a good story going on here. its really interesting. poor colin. =( well i guess i kinda know what goes on through gothic ppl's minds. how sad. do ppl actually do such mean things to goths??? geez, ppl suck!
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what!! what!! what!! omg dude!!! its like im going to fall out of my seat. i need more!!!!
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whoa...what happened there? i need to know why this happened!! its just came out of nowhere...very intersting...
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