Secretly

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Secretly 2

I shivered with excitement as he unbuttoned my blouse, my hand reaching for his belt.  It mattered not that he had a wife and children; I wanted him more than I could imagine.  My mind clouded by the intoxication of his kiss upon my lips that trailed downward toward my breasts, I thought not of my own family.  Both our worlds were far away and took a dismal distant place as his hands moved expertly over my skin. 3

I adored my children, but I hated my husband, and I had become the worst of wives.  I unknowingly searched out this man, wanting someone I could love, and I had found him.  Not only our first time together, but every time, became more intense than the last, and I craved him like a drug.  I was drunkened by him and wanted more and more to be with him.4

Long trips in the middle of the week covered by well-spun lies so that he and I could be together.  This man took me so by surprise with his intensity that I found myself falling in love with him.  I knew that it would destroy my marriage if anyone found out, but I secretly wished for that to happen.  And I would have called his wife had I not loved him so much.  I just couldn't find it in myself to hurt him in any way. But I took the moments we had and tucked them away inside my mind and my heart.  Each time I thought of his hands or his kiss, a shock would force a shudder through my body.  It became so real to me even when he wasn't with me. 5

I left my husband; my children and I, and ran away in the middle of the night.  I didn't leave my marriage for this man, but I would have.  I left for different reasons, but I kept seeing him.  When I called, he came to me as if it were more than he could stand to be away from me.  Our affair continued for awhile, and he became the only happiness in my life.  He had fallen in love with me as well, and our souls intermingled as did our hearts and bodies. 6

Things changed for me and my children, and I was forced to move on. I called him and asked for two days alone with him.  As we lay together, I told him that I loved him, but I had to leave.  To my surprise, his eyes filled with tears and his shoulders shook with his sobs.  Our tears joined each other as we held each other tightly, not wanting to be separated.  When the two days were over, he left.  I showed him to the door, kissed him one last time and closed the door.  I could not bear to see him walk away from me.  Did he look back?  Probably not. I don't think he could bear to walk away, but he did.  I wonder if he thinks of me after all these years.  I think he does.  The memories we made together will forever stay in my mind and my heart-secretly. 7