My suicide Note

I Don't really know what to say here, do you say hello but isnt that present tense? You can't say hello when you are dead or can you. I am not cheerful and this is morbid so i cannot say Hey or Hiya and I can't say Hi, so maybe i will start with Goodbye?1

OK 2

"Goodbye" 3

Now what do I write ? I am sorry. I'm not sorry though. Why should I be? I was cutting myself, I hated myself and I'm only sorry for hurting my friends. That is like saying, however, I know they love me! They probably don't. So what do I put? Maybe I should just say4

"Incase you are upset, I would like to SAY I am sorry and I don't want you to be."5

I can't write I never meant to hurt them because this is suicide it will hurt somebody and that is totally harsh but i am not going to stop I have to do this. I am ending to begin again. I proabably should say why i did it.6

so far i have:7

/Goodbye/8

/Incase you are upset, I would like to Say I am sorry and I do not want to hurt you again. So let's look at this as being the last feeling of pain caused by me./9

Maybe now I should put something about needing to go and why. Why is this so difficult?!?10

I'm going to forget writing this and give it to you in form of a diary.11

23RD DECEMBER 2005 12

3 AM 13

You are all asleep, well the ones that can stop me. So now I am getting changed into a black outfit. I want to plumet down to the floor in gothic style,14

3 10 AM15

I have had a shower and I have got changed into my gothic clothes. My Guns 'n' Roses top, black spiky trousers and bracelets.  My gothic boots and spikes on my eyes.16

3: 15 AM17

Now where is my knife? I can't find it. I will have to use a razor blade instead. I'm holding back my hand so I can see the vein clearly. BEAUTIFUL! A deep cut that won't stop bleeding. I'm going a bit light headed.18

3:20 AM 19

God my arm is stinging. I put pressure on it as that is not how i wish to die. I'm ready to go BUT i havent said why. I can hear the blood pumping in my ears and it's strange. I can feel the adrenaline as i find a heavy item. Ahaha found ONE. Now im going to break the window. I have my knife and my abseiling rope. Perfect. 20

3:25 AM 21

I am climbing into my harness and securing the rope onto the climbing hooks for the cleaners outside. I have got my knife with me. So lets go. I just samashed the window and my dad just ran in as I jumped. He saw the rope break my fall and he glarred. He just said "What are you doing?"22

Did you hear him or on this tape is the sound  blurry? Well I have seen his face. He is a little worried but he is just angry. I lower myself down a little more and Jade yells out Catie and Jeremy is crying. Oh god take them inside. Please!23

3:30 AM 24

I climbed back up and then when they leave I smile. I turn and I jump im going to cut the rope once i have placed this recorder on a hook. Goodbye everyone remember me as someone that used tricks to get what she wants. I am cutting the rope and cutting my skin. Goodbye and I am gone.25