Naughty Marietta Goes Shopping And Meets A Voyeur

Naughty Marietta was shopping in the supermarket one Summer morning when she met someone very unusual. It was a very hot day and, as was her wont, Naughty Marietta was wearing very few clothes. She had on a little bikini top and a mini-skirt but no panties on underneath (although you couldn't see that unless you were lying on the floor, looking up). Which is exactly where she saw this funny little man with an artificial leg.1

"What are you doing down there?" she asked suspiciously.2

"I'm trying to find some tinned peaches on the bottom shelf," said the funny little man.3

"Oh, that's all right then," said Naughty Marietta, "I mistakenly thought you were trying to look up my skirt."4

"Nothing could have been further from my mind!" exclaimed the funny little fellow. "Why on earth would anyone want to do anything as rude as that?" he added archly.5

"Well, between you and me and the gatepost," confided Naughty Marietta, "I don't wear knickers in summer."6

She helped the man to his feet and introduced herself. "I'm Naughty Marietta," she said, pumping the funny little chap's paw. "Won't you tell me your name?"7

"I'm Victor the Voyeur," the man with the artificial leg explained but, just as he said the words, an announcement came over the store's loudspeaker explaining that a dead Yorkshire terrier had been found in one of the aisles and would its ex-owner come and claim the corpse. Thus, Naughty Marietta didn't hear Victor's name properly.8

"I am so pleased to meet you Mr Le Voyeur! What an unusual name! Are you of French origin, may I make so bold as to enquire?" she trilled. "And isn't it terrible about the poor little Yorkshire terrier they just found? That's the fourth one this week!"9

Victor decided he wouldn't bother to correct Naughty Marietta about his name. In fact, he rather liked the new name as it had a touch of class about it. He thought he might well change his name by deed poll. He replied, "I do believe there is a gang of Yorkie killers in the district. They are rumoured to sell the corpses to the local Chinese restaurant to go into their famous signature dish, Hound Chow Mein."10

They bade each other goodbye and Naughty Marietta continued on her shopping trip. She left the supermarket and crossed over the road to go to Mr Slaughter's Famous Traditional Butcher Shoppe. She waited her turn to be served and then asked for a nice juicy slice of fillet steak. "I want a lovely big piece of meat to get my lips round," she explained guilelessly to Mr Slaughter. "Certainly, Naughty Marietta," replied the butcher, "I'll be happy to give you a big one."11

She heard a scrabbling sound and glanced to her rear; she noticed Victor the Voyeur was lying on the floor again. This time she knew there was something amiss. She was NOT stupid. She could see there were no tinned peaches to look for in a butcher's shop! She worked out, quick as a flash, that he was just a nasty pervert who was trying to look up her skirt. So she took action. She opened her pink furry "Mr Rabbit" handbag and withdrew her catapult, inserted a sharp stone into it, and took aim at Victor.12

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiihhhhhhhhh," screamed Victor in agony as the sharp stone hit him on the end of his pointed nose and split it open.13

"That serves you right for being a pervert," she exclaimed contemptuously to poor old Victor who was rolling about the floor, his artificial leg clanking on the tiles. She stalked out of the shop.14

"Manage to see anything, Victor?" enquired Mr Slaughter, as he helped the famous voyeur back to his feet (or should I say "foot"?).15

THE END16