Mary's Saving Grace (Short story class)

A moment ago all hell broke loose. Literally broke loose and all she could feel was hate, fear and anger hurled at her from Joan. It is strange how defining moments like these happen at times when one thinks they should not be happening. Joan, her embittered little sister came in this afternoon and quietly sat down. She wanted to hear the story, the lie they all thought she has been carrying around with her for years in order to get sympathy. She wanted to clear the air, or so she claimed. Mary complied, as always eager to show that even in the worst circumstances one can rise to the occasion and grow. Her entire life was built on this premise.1

Her apartment was spacious with many windows, letting in the sun. Crystals reflected light and her wind chimes quietly hung in the silent aftermath of the emotional storm. The seat she had built herself was covered with ruby fabric. It was her favorite color and one that resonated deep within her soul. She had spent many an afternoon here with some distraught young woman, intent on blaming herself, intent on carrying shame and disgust for the rest of their lives. It was a special place, a place of strength, and one she now occupied with a feeling of serenity and renewed purpose.2

Joan though would not carry the same memory with her. She left in a huff, still unconvinced and furious at Mary for her persistence and her peaceful outlook on life. She was sure that Joan did not want her to be who she was. It did not fit with the family, it did not fit with their concept of how a woman should live and it did not fit with their beliefs. Joan and her mother insisted that this had not happened. They wanted her to declare her life and her lessons learned invalid. She would not invalidate herself again. Not after all this time.3

The phone rang about three hours ago and she picked up.4

“Hello there”5

“Hi, sis it’s Joan. Mind if I come over? I think you need help. I know a great psychologist and he is more than willing to help you get over this double life you lead.”6

Talk about falling straight in the door with your purpose. Well, she supposed it wouldn’t hurt to get Joan over here and finally tell her and then let her believe what she wanted to.7

“Yes, Joan. Do come over but promise me that you will listen and keep an open mind.”8

She knew it was not going to happen – but hey, she could try. She put down the phone and waited after Joan curtly said goodbye. Ten minutes later Joan was there, all dressed up and ready to bulldoze the world. She knew there was a purpose here; Joan obviously was all bent on ensuring that the good doctor got his newest patient soon. Mary smiled. Amused she looked on as Joan sat down and irritably asked her to continue.9

“Okay, Joan, are you ready for this?”10

“Yes, but I do not see the point. I don’t see why we should go over this – it didn’t happen and mom wants you to book yourself into the clinic and get well again.”11

Mary smiled again and she could see how this infuriated her sister. Silently she sent up a prayer to the Creator asking for revelation and understanding. She continued:12

“I was 20, beautiful, sexy, and broken. Remember when my boyfriend left me? Well, I do. It was directly after exams and we were staying on for another exam I had to rewrite. John also needed to do this and we were close. He kept on telling me how Herman could not possibly have been sane when he left me. He was always asking me out and always ogling me, but I never thought much of it. I was studying so hard as I just had to pass this test. I was not going to repeat the year because of this subject.13

It was beautiful and hot. The trees were heavy with cover and one could hear birds all around. It was good to be alive and to be in Stellenbosch. The only drawback was the coming test, but my step was light and I could take on the world, despite being hurt. I took afternoon walks with John and we talked for hours. He was great. He really helped me through my crisis. I noticed how he looked at women and constantly had to remind him that women weren’t only pieces of meat walking around. To this, he just laughed. I never thought much of it. I also did not notice how his eyes darkened when I talked to other men. I guess I was completely blind to everything but the fact that slowly my heart was returning to normal. 14

I felt attractive again and I showed my confidence. I did not see this but apparently my hips were swaying and I was flirting with men again. John did not like it. In his serious manner he would chide me. I just looked at him and laughed. Looking back, I think it must have infuriated him so much. Then again when one is young, one does not see this.”15

She sighed, her eyes misty with the memories of carefree walks. She looked over at Joan, who was sitting there, fidgeting with her purse. Nothing had entered her heart then so far, Mary thought. Well, maybe she would start to pay attention now. It did not matter in the end, because she got more healing out of the telling of this than any other did. She felt reluctance, as always, when she got to the next part of the story. She wondered why this still happened.16

“At last, one hot summer afternoon, I finally caved and said yes to dinner. The test was still three days away and I thought I could afford to go out once. John arrived at promptly 7 pm – he was always on time. Funny how this strikes me now. As I was saying, he was always on time and he always stuck to the plan. He had a plan for this evening and did everything he could to get me to agree. I knew this of course and knew I was going to have to fight him off. I was prepared (or so I thought).17

I was dressed in a short skirt – my favorite skirt and a tight-fitting blouse. I looked delectable with my make-up done and my hair perfectly styled. My shoes were comfortable though, because one could not walk in this town with anything less than this. He brought me roses and chocolates and I felt flattered again. Yes, it was nice to receive it. I was so relaxed that I just flirted with him, thinking that he knew where the boundaries were. We left after I had gone to put the flowers in water. The walk was pleasant and he seemed to touch me accidentally time and time again. It irritated me, as I was not ready to play with men and romance just yet. Attraction would be there, and I had no problem playing the field. John was just determined to be my knight in shining armour. I thought I could let this go by and amuse myself. That was my second mistake.18

We walked past the residence where he stayed and I remember looking at it in awe. A place where politicians and their sons stayed and that could claim two presidents have been members of their illustrious alma mater. He glowed with pride too. It was his dream to be there and he always got what he wanted. Dagbreek residence was a place to be reckoned with. 19

About ten minutes later, we arrived at the restaurant and were shown to our table. It was a cozy table in the corner where we could smoke and chat undisturbed. The place was authentically student. It was a dive and neither of us would probably go there again. Their food was good and cheap. The wine list was extensive and that proved to be the attraction for John. We tasted wines and talked. I was showered with compliments and he touched my hand time and time again. As the evening wore on, I did not mind so much anymore. The wine was taking its toll and I was relaxing more and more. We started kissing after dinner and it got heavier and heavier. I broke it off, as it didn’t do anything for me. He was very aroused though.”20

Joan was sitting very upright and looked interested for the first time. 21

“Oh, so you did seduce him…”22

“Yes Joan, there was that but have you heard that no is no?”23

“Mary, come on. I know John, he might be obsessive, but he would never do this.”24

Mary looked over to her sister and only saw determination to prove her point, but she was too far along to stop the narrative. The story had meaning for her and truth spoken has a way to eventually penetrate the spirit.25

“Anyway, we were drunk and he was aroused and I then insisted that we go back to the residences. He was happy to leave and I was glad we did not have to use a car to get there. The walk there is something I can never remember. It went by in a drunken haze and I do remember being in his room. How we got there, I do not remember. I remember him mentioning coffee and I just casually agreed. I relaxed and lay down on the bed, waiting for him to bring the coffee. I could hear he was busy with it and I closed my eyes to try and block out the spinning room.26

The coffee never came.27

I try to remember what happened next and all I remember are two strong hands holding my arms back and his hands tearing at my blouse. Two new hands had arrived and I know now I could hear the click as the door was locked.  He had exposed my breasts and I was too weak to struggle. To my horror they perked at the attention, yet I remained dry. The nipples he attacked with such vigor, hurt. He was pinching and rolling them and calling me all kinds of things, like whore. I cried and screamed inside. I screamed silently for him to stop, for someone to save me, for someone to burst in and be the hero I now knew I needed.28

NO, NO, STOP…. Those were the only words I could remember as John laughed his victory. Those were the only words as his friend laughed too. The words repeated themselves over and over again, but I could not speak them. I could not fight them off and I could not stop this from happening. He wouldn’t stop now…29

I was lying on the bed with breasts spilling out and manhandled by his room mate. I was crying all the time and my face was slapped and my breasts twisted. I wished that I could just pass out and die and not feel this shame. I felt him tug at my panties and tear them off me – I remember thinking that at least he did not tear the skirt off. I would be able to walk out of there at least covered with some kind of clothing. Please let this end. I remember thinking this all the time. I did not even know whether he had used protection as he tore into me with his funny crooked penis. It hurt as my body was not lubricated. I was bone dry. He roared with anger at this and slapped me again. I was going to take him and then his room mate just like a whore should, and I would be sorry for not reacting. He would make sure of that.30

He pushed himself into me and ground against me and held his hand over my mouth as I had now found the strength to scream. I bit his hand, and he retaliated by hitting me again. Searing pain shot through my body and all over my face and all I could do was pass out. I was not allowed to; water was thrown all over my face. His room mate mounted me and used me just as ruthlessly as John had. John continued the abusive stream of words as I was raped and another man ejaculated inside me. I was finished. It could not continue anymore. I could not face another invasion. John decided I had had enough too. He did not even wipe my legs. He told me to get up and disregarded the blood that seemed to stream from me. My legs were sticky and I could not stand by myself.31

His roommate took a cloth and wiped my legs. He pulled my skirt down and gave me a t-shirt to wear. He was kind. Strange to think that, but he was. Somehow it never entered my mind to think that he had just brutally raped me. John was still laughing as he watched me stumble to my feet again. He told me that if this ever came out, I would be killed and that he would use the drinks, the dress and the fact that no one heard me scream, against me. It was in fact my fault; I should remember that whores deserved to be raped and that I was a whore. He opened the door, gave me my bag and told me to leave.”32

Mary cried again as the scene replayed itself in her mind. She did not see Joan anymore, all she could see and hear was the tearing pain, the humiliation and the regret. She could not care what anyone thought of her anymore. She was the whore again.33

“I walked back to the residence where I stayed and stumbled twice. There were so few people around that no one could see the scratches and bruises and no one was there when I fell. Luckily, my res was in the same block and I could get there. I stumbled in and the girl on telephone duty hurried to my aid, shocked at what she saw. She saw the blood on my face and the shock and horror on my face. She insisted on taking me to the hospital and the police, but I was so afraid of being humiliated again. They would not believe me. I was the whore. It was my own fault. I seduced him. I begged her to take me upstairs and get me to the showers. She did not want to, but I was hysterical and could not face other people. She relented at last and took me upstairs – I asked her to forget what she had seen and somehow to this day she has.”34

“You know Joan; if you wanted to confirm this you could go ask her!” Mary exclaimed, but resolutely carried on with the story. She could never stop once she had begun. This event had a life of its own. It always has.35

“I showered for hours. I do not know when the water turned into ice, but I did not feel it. I just didn’t. I screamed then, I screamed and cried and curled up into a ball in the corner of the shower and let go. He would always be with me in my dreams; I knew this to be a fact and did not want to go to bed. I felt dirty and ashamed and humiliated. I was nothing anymore – I hated my body. I hated my clothes and I hated my open personality. I was going to change all that.36

I went to bed and dreamed the first dream of horror. For months I dreamed the same dream. I could not forget and I could not talk about it. Mom tried to get me to, but I denied it happened then. I could not face going through the hell of it. I was going to become fat, no one would like me. I was going to be unkempt and quiet – no one would know I could think. I was going to stop living and I did.”37

Joan was livid. 38

“The same old story. You continue to lie, you stupid bitch. You can’t stop. I do not believe this. I will never believe this. You don’t want help. You hurt our parents every day and you don’t stop. Have you no shame? This was my last attempt. You are such a good liar now that your story remains the same every time, but it did not happen. I am leaving the number of the shrink here. I am leaving and I am not talking to you again. I know John and he would not do this. He visits at my house with his wife and kids. I am leaving now. Mom is right; you are a whore and a liar…”39

Mary watched astonished as the tears ran over her cheeks. She numbly heard the door slam and heard the car roaring into life. She felt the blinding pain as she recalled hearing that he visits them. He continued on with his life and had the gall to become friends with her sister and always asked about her too. She was a rag doll, thrown into turmoil again. Two hours passed and Mary could not remember what happened. It felt like she was waking up from a nightmare. She stared at the card Joan left there and dazedly moved over to the love seat. 40

The afternoon was colored with the colors of autumn everywhere and a breeze had started up while she was off in her own nightmare. She looked out the window and suddenly saw the life outside. She saw that nature was throwing out the old now and felt herself rise above it all. She knew that her telling the story yet again was her way of letting go. She felt a peace descend on her soul as she became the trees outside, shedding the leaves, shedding her terrible burden. She saw the countless others she had counseled shedding their pain with her and she felt alive. She knew that the hibernation coming now was what she needed. Joan and her family would see her beauty one day, but until then she would rest in her own peace and carry the fruits of a new life.41

The phone rang again. It was the young girl that she had talked to for the past few months. She had lost the 15 kilograms she had accumulated over the past six months and had found a new man that treated her with love. They had decided that it was time to give her something back. Her lover would be just as ecstatic as she felt now; knowing that the ticket they had been waiting for had been purchased. She would be flying to Hawaii in two days time to be with him. It was their gift. It was her saving grace. Her happiness knew no bounds.42

The truth had a way of saving those who needed it, it seems. 43