There is nothing harder at times than finding the right Christmas present for a person you love. Especially when there is little money and especially when it really needs to be right. Jennifer and Michael were faced with this dilemma and it was almost Christmas.1
Jennifer was 13 and Michael 14. They were average kids who did well in school, stayed away from trouble and drugs. They genuinely tried to do all their mother wanted and to please her. 2
Their parents had divorced when they were much younger for reasons they were only now beginning to understand. Their father had remarried and although they knew he loved them and he paid his fair share of child support; he was no longer their father truly in spirit. The woman he had married had children of her own, and she and their father had had a child together. Jennifer and Michael really felt that they had only their mom, Beverly.3
Beverly worked as an office manager for a large real estate firm. She worked hard and saw to it that Jennifer and Michael had everything they needed. Their parents promised that they would see to it that Jennifer and Michael would have a car and a college education. In many ways, Jennifer and Michael were luckier than many.4
"Together we have a $120," said Michael. "We could get her a necklace."5
"But she has necklaces. She would appreciate it, but mom has plenty of jewelry. I want to get her something special that she doesn't have."6
"Such as?" asked Michael.7
"I don't know," complained Jennifer.8
"We could get her a gift card."9
"Yes, but then she would know how much we spent and it seems so impersonal."10
"We could take her out for dinner someplace special," suggested Michael.11
"I want to get her something that will last."12
"So? What do we get her?" asked Michael.13
"Why don't we ask her what she wants?"14
"Then it wouldn't be a surprise."15
"No, but maybe it will give us some ideas."16
When Beverly got home, she noticed an unusual eagerness about the kids. "Okay, what's on your minds? I can tell you are up to something."17
"It is just like, we were wanting to know what you want for Christmas?" said Jennifer.18
"You know I will like anything you get me. Surprise me, but don't spend much. It's the thought you know," their mother replied.19
"Like that really helps," said Jennifer.20
"Yes, Mom, give us some ideas." said Michael hopefully.21
"No," answered Beverly. "I want to be surprised.22
It was about three weeks to Christmas. Frustrated, Jennifer and Michael went to their rooms. Michael played computer games while Jennifer wrote a poem about it on Allpoetry.com and featured it. In the next hours she got some interesting comments, but no idea that did it for her. One idea that occurred was that they give their mother a silver or gold membership on Allpoetry.com, but Jennifer didn't know if her mother would use it. It was a good idea and they would have money for something else.23
"I think that might be good," said Michael when Jennifer discussed the ideas she had received.24
"I had another idea," added Michael.25
"What's that?"26
"We could get her a boyfriend."27
"But Mom never goes out!" Jennifer exclaimed. "How would we do it?"28
"We could pay someone to go out with her."29
"She might not like it and what if they don't like each other?"30
"We would have to be careful to choose someone really good."31
"It does seem like it could be romantic," said Jennifer warming to the idea.32
"Besides, he is bound to like her." said Michael convincingly.33
"Who would you suggest?"34
"I don't know. We have to make sure that he is not married."35
"What if he says 'No'," asked Jennifer.36
"We will have to try someone else."37
They spent the next couple of days asking prospective candidates if they were married and discussing the pros and cons of each of the men. They asked five businessmen, three teachers, and a fireman if they were married. Though surprised by the question, none of them gave it a great amount of thought. One teacher and the fireman said that they were not married.38
"I like Mr. Harris best," said Jennifer. Mr. Harris was an Algebra teacher. 39
"Okay, we will try him first." They both liked Mr. Harris.40
"Which of us should ask him?" asked Jennifer.41
"I think you should. You have his class."42
"What if he thinks it is silly?"43
"We will try the fireman, Mr. Fletcher," answered Michael.44
After class Jennifer waited to speak with Mr. Harris.45
"Did you need something, Jennifer?"46
Jennifer explained their idea to Mr. Harris.47
Mr. Harris did not think it was a good idea, but felt that he needed to handle it delicately. He considered himself a confirmed bachelor and dating a student's parent could create unnecessary problems. Although he had met Beverly and she was attractive, he felt it wisest to decline.48
"I am honored that you would ask me to date your mother, but I do not want a relationship just now. She might not like me."49
"She thinks highly of you," returned Jennifer.50
"I appreciate that, but this is just not really a good time for me. I am sorry."51
"That's all right."52
Jennifer told Michael the results of her conversation with Mr. Harris. "It's your turn. You ask Mr. Fletcher.53
"He might like you better," said Michael.54
"But it is your turn," asking Mr. Harris had not been easy for Jennifer.55
"Okay," said Michael equally reluctant.56
The next day Michael approached Mr. Fletcher.57
"Yes, what can I do for you?" asked Mr. Fletcher. "Did you come back for a tour?"58
Michael explained that they wanted him to date their mother. Mr. Fletcher was taken aback. He had never been so propositioned before and he wasn't at all prepared for it. He liked kids and knew that some looked up to him because he was a fireman, but this was quite different.59
"I couldn't take your money," he said finally.60
"But we would owe it to you," said Michael.61
Mr. Fletcher had been married, but he and his wife had been too young and they seemed to fight about everything. The marriage had ended in divorce. He would date, but he didn't really want anything serious because of the bad experience. He was more mature now, but he didn't want that kind of commitment. In addition, he had no idea what this kid's mother looked like. 'Face it, looks do make a difference sometimes,' he thought.62
"What makes you think we would like each other?" asked Mr. Fletcher trying to let the kid down easy.63
Michael took out his wallet and showed Mr. Fletcher a picture of his mother. First, she did look attractive. Second, he didn't want to disappoint the kid. Surprising himself he said, "Okay, what do you want me to do?"64
"Mom, her name is Beverly, will be home Christmas day. We, my sister and I, would like you to bring her flowers and ask her out. We will pay for the flowers."65
"That won't be necessary," answered Mr. Fletcher. "But you have to tell her first. She doesn't even know me and she might react badly if you don't."66
"I will," said Michael full of enthusiasm.67
"Okay, we have a deal."68
"Deal," said Michael.69
"Where do you live," asked Mr. Fletcher and Michael gave him the address.70
Mr. Fletcher felt certain he had made a mistake, but he figured he would live through it.71
Later Michael told Jennifer how it had gone.72
"Who's going to tell Mom?" asked Jennifer.73
"I asked him," said Michael meaning he had done his part.74
"Okay," said Jennifer. "I'll wrap a note in a small box and she will get it when she opens her presents. This is wonderful, we can still get her some other presents."75
They were both very excited about their gift. Mr. Fletcher had serious doubts, but couldn't think how to get out of it gracefully.76
They were up early Christmas morning. Instead of wanting to see their presents, they wanted to see their mother's reaction to their present. They thought she would be pleased.77
They gave her the carefully wrapped present. "You open yours first, Mom," said Jennifer.78
Seeing that they were obviously happy with what they had got her, she prepared herself to be appropriately impressed. She expected jewelry. As she read the note, she hoped her thoughts did not appear on her face. The note read, 'A date with Jeremy Fletcher'. If there would have been the last thing she would ever have guessed, that would probably have been it. She never planned to get involved again. She hadn't really sworn off, she just had no plans to go looking. If something had happened to come along, well maybe. Now it appeared it had come along. How best to handle it. She knew her face showed more shock than surprise, but she couldn't help it.79
"Who is Jeremy Fletcher?"80
"He's a fireman." answered Michael proudly.81
"He's really handsome, Mom." said Jennifer really happy.82
Beverly was on the spot. She didn't want to hurt their feelings. They had obviously put a lot of thought and effort in the gift, but how could she go out with a strange man. Someone she never had met and what kind of man would have agreed to such a thing.83
"When is the date supposed to be?" asked Beverly.84
"He is going to ask you out today," replied Jennifer all smiles.85
Obviously, her children thought he was a good man. Beverly admitted to herself that there is rarely and instance of a bad fireman. She had never thought of dating one, however.86
"What if we don't like each other?"87
"You'll like him, Mom," said Michael.88
She was half afraid that she might. Feeling suddenly self conscious she said, "What if he doesn't like me?"89
"He will, Mom. I know he will," said Jennifer.90
Beverly couldn't think of a way to turn down the gift without hurting their feelings. They opened the rest of their gifts. Beverly was not happy about her gift and she didn't want to go out on a date with a man she had never met. She kept wondering what kind of man would involve himself in such a thing. She was nervous, but she fixed herself up nicely and waited for the moment of his arrival with trepidation. This was definitely a Christmas like no other.91
Early afternoon came around and Jeremy Fletcher arrived. He had a dozen roses in one hand and a box of candy in the other. He was as much if not more nervous than Beverly.92
"I guess your children have told you that I am your Christmas present." Although Jennifer and Michael wanted to watch, they stayed out of the way.93
Beverly did find him to be very attractive as Jeremy found her to be. "I was more than surprised," she said with a touch of anger in her voice.94
"Do you like to dance?" Jeremy asked.95
"It has been quite sometime." Beverly answered.96
"Would you like to go out for a meal and dancing?"97
"I guess we should," she said as though it was an obligation.98
"Chinese, Mexican, Italian...?" Jeremy asked.99
"Chinese."100
"Tomorrow night?"101
"Tomorrow will be fine," answered Beverly reluctantly.102
Jeremy left and she went into the living room.103
"Do you like him?" asked Jennifer.104
"He seems nice, but I make no promises."105
"You aren't mad, are you?" asked Michael sensing his mother's discomfort.106
"I really think you should have asked me first."107
"We did!" said Jennifer.108
After a moment's reflection, Beverly laughed and said, "I guess you did, didn't you?"109
Jeremy and Beverly went to Panda Garden for a Chinese buffet and its ambiance.110
"What kind of man lets himself get roped into a blind date like this?"111
"Your son offered me $120 and showed me your picture," Jeremy smiled.112
"Did you take it?"113
"No."114
Beverly laughed, "Did the picture make a difference?"115
"It may have."116
"I had planned to be angry with you," said Beverly.117
"Are you? I didn't know how to tell Michael 'No'."118
"What do you think now?" asked Beverly genuinely curious.119
"It's too early to know, but so far I am having a great time."120
"I think we can safely end this in a couple of hours if you like?" offered Beverly.121
"Let's not place a time restriction on it. Let's just see how things go. Do you like country western dancing?" asked Jeremy.122
"My favorite," said Beverly honestly with enthusiasm.123
They went to a large dance club and stayed until midnight.124
"I need to get home, I have to work in the morning," said Beverly.125
"I hate for the evening to end, but I have to work too. Let's not rush, how about a couple more dances?"126
"All right." answered Beverly. "You may be the best Christmas present I have ever had."127
"I wasn't expecting it, but you may be my best Christmas present as well."128
Beverly arrived home a little after one. "You two should be in bed," she said.129
"You really like him, don't you," said Jennifer excited.130
"He seems like a good man," answered Beverly cautiously. "But don't get your hopes up. We may not go out again. He may not ask me."131
"Oh he will, Mom. I know he will," said Jennifer.132
Jennifer was right. He did ask Beverly out again and soon they were seeing each other daily. They decided to marry the following year on Christmas since that was the day they met. They are celebrating the Christmas that they met to this day.
Author notes
Andy Stephenson - Male
In a list
A contest entry
- Christmas Time by Mel-the-Believer.
125 points, ended December 23, 2006, 8 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Look, writers look and see. See what you can write. by Rosemary.
250 points, ended September 11, 2007, 13 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Christmas stories by Elvenfairy.
375 points, ended December 29, 2007, 11 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Tis the season by hyperactive1344.
110 points, ended January 28, 2008, 6 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 54 of 54
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Hm, didn't like it as much as the others, but I was willing to read it. Good job.
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Hmm.
Missed my guess here, did I? Oh well, What sort of writes do you like?
Thanks for reading and commenting.
Andy
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Well, anything really goes, and now here are the kinds I hate >.< XD
Well, I don't like sotries that are so true and dark that are life.
Fantasy stuff. Used to like it, I mean, if it really good, I might like it, but it depends.
The story was oddly interesting, but it failed to capture me like the others. Sorry. -
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Howdy!
I enter many contests and I fail to place in most of them. It's really unnecessary to say that you're sorry. I understand that writes I enter may not be enjoyed be the host. Sometimes I get removed from contests, even when I thought I was dead on. You never really know just what the host will think.
Andy
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While I was a little wary about the whole "divorce" think at the beginning, it didn't bring down the mood that much so that I'm thankful for. The rest of the story was quite happy and sweet and I enjoyed it.
There's a few things I noticed that might help it flow better if you want to go back edit it. I only found one typo.
p3 is filled with "was" and "had" This could probably be rewritten to show a little more of their feelings with a little more action words from their part.
p4 repeates "Jennifer and Michael" a lot, you could probably use pronouns here or even something like "her children" to mix it up a little.
p12 flips to their mom's pov, it's usually best to keep a scene all in one pov, so since this is a different time it can either be separated into a new scene or you can change it to the kids saying something like "they could not hid their eagerness from their mom."
p22 Gah! how truly frustrating on her part. It's a nice move on yours but I would be so irked if that happened in real life.
p23 hahahaha "silver or gold membership on Allpoetry.com" nice working in a little advertisement there
p48 and 59 here's another change in pov and something that'd be better shown and not told.
p86 "is rarely and instance" Should be "an" looks like the d snuck in there.
while the conversation of their first meeting feels as nervous as they probably are, it also feels like it's a little too abrupt and could be filled out a little. Some descriptions of the two and their nervousness sprinkled in might help.
More description during their date wouldn't hurt either
awww... that's sweet. It's a very nice romantic little tale, while pretty predictable, it's that predictability that helps it as we hope it does come true. Nice work.
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Hi Toni!
You do the most thorough critiques of anyone I know at Storywrite. That's good. I hope you get the critic Oscar.
I'll have a good look at this story later and see if I can incoporate all your suggestions.
Thanks for hosting this contest and for the critique and all the applause.
Andy
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very sweet and cute story,i enjoyed it alot . I always like easy going stories with happy ending and this is my kind of story....well done Andy...keep writting..
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Thanks Lavanya!
I'm very glad that you like this story. It's sort of one of those sappy romances. I'm not really very good with romances. I don't write many.
Thanks for all the applause.
Andy
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That was very sweet, and I was glad to see that it was original. I especially liked the short paragraphs and the way structured your dialogue, it made it easier to read. Well done and thanks for entering my contest.
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Hi
Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading and commenting. I appreciate it. I'm very pleased that you like my story.
May you have many good entries and much fun
Andy
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Awww this was cute.
Quite original and certainly not cliche ("phew")
I think that this could have used a little more of a personal touch to it, but I have no more suggestions than that
Thanks for entering! -
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Thanks
Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading and commenting. I appreciate it. So you feel it needs to be more personal, it was too detached?
May you have many good entries and much fun.
Andy
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Now THAT is a christmas story like no other! Very cool story you had here! I could so easily see everything that happened, and I can easily see this as some day being in a book of christmas stories. Thansk for entering it into my contest! Merry Christmas!
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Thanks
I'm very pleased that you like this story. It would be nice to have this published in a book. Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading, commenting, and all the applause. I hope you have many good entries and much fun.
Andy
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awwwwww that's so sweet! Well written. lol I like how they used the mom's words against her. Good thing she had a sense of humor. Good luck in the contest.
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Thanks Christina
Thanks for reading and commenting. I'm glad that you like this story. Got to have a sense of humor if you are a parent, seems like. At least it helps, I'm sure.
Andy
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Nice story
That was a very sweet story with nice kids and a happy ending. I liked it. -
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Thanks
Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading and commenting. I appreciate it. I'm glad you like this story. I hope you have many good entries and a lot of fun.
Andy
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aw...
so sweet, i liked it a lot. it shud be made into a movie!
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Thanks, Frisbee
Thanks for reading, commmenting, and applauding. I'm very pleased that you like this story. I don't have a story about teen romance. This was as close as I had. I do have a medieval tale which you might like, if you haven't read it already, "Dark Fury"
Andy
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Aww, that was really cute, the two setting their mom up. It was really, good. I enjoyed reading it very much. Great write. Thanks for entering. Merry Christmas. God Bless!
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Thanks
I am really glad you like this. Thanks for hosting this contest. I hope you have many entries almost as good as mine. lol. May you have much fun with your contest. Thanks again.
Andy
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awww... this is really sweet. That is a strange but thoughtful present. I can't blame her for being annoyed though, i wold be too if my kids set me up on a blind date for christmas- it would make me feel like they were saying I was a loser, or so lonely that it was urgent to get me a date. lol. maybe i'm just insecure. but thanks for entering, I enjoyed this.
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Thanks, Jinxgirl
Thanks, Jinxgirl for hosting the contest. I am glad that you like this story. It is not exactly an original idea, except that it is usually just one kid trying to set up the date. Apparently, finding a man was not at the top of the list of their mother's priorities. I hope you have a lot of fun with your contest.
Andy
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GREAT!
OMG I love it! So much that I found myself smiling and laughing at it. Thankyou for posting this. You made me happy.
Penny x x x
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Thank you, Penny
I'll bet you were beginning to think I couldn't write a happy write. I forgot about this story. I should have tried to market it before it was so close to Christmas. I guess I will have to do it next year. I guess I could turn it into a Birthday story. I will have to think on it. I am glad it made you smile and laugh.
Andy
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Awww, that is really sweet. Those kids sound sweet, and really creative I could never think of that, but my parents are married so yeah. The ending was sweet, I love happy endings. That would be the best Christmas present.
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Never read either of those authors, but I am always trying to improve. Thank you for reading.
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Not in anyway like Woodhouse or Tolkien but not bad. Kind of a chickflick story-sweet. Thanks for taking the time to enter.
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Five star***** Triple AAA+
Kiss Me Under the Mistletoe would be an equally lovely title for this story. Excellent writing! Would make a lovely TV movie. Very well done!!!
Edited on Dec 22, 1:41 p.m. because ''. -
I wrote it for your contest, of course. I was hoping to be on target. I am glad that I was. I hope you enjoy your entries.
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I really like this a lot. It captured the theme of the contest very well. Thanks for entering,best of luck 2 u in my contest and merry christmas love Janine
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Scarlet, She would have probably killed the kids, but I was trying to make it a happy story.
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Very ingenious story. I guess she got the surprise that she wanted and the best Christmas present ever. This would be a good story for a magazine in the December issue. I liked your story a lot.
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It is so easy to do a their-there typo. I will fix it.
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A little confussing... yes... And kinda odd.. A date for a Christmas present.. neat idea... from your childeren .. ummm i dono.. weird.. but that could just be my opinion...It was beautiful though.. keep up the work..
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Love it, love it!!! Bravo! What a heartwarming story. Thank you so much for sharing. Keep writing!
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YAY!! that was awesome and so well thought out! i'd love to have kids like those 2!
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I loved this story it is wonderful.Although I am not sure how I would react to the idea of my kids getting me a date for christmas. But what a beautiful ending. Merry Christmas to you! Thank you for allowing others to enjoy this awesome write.
Loretta -
This was great... so amazing... just a wonderfully beautiful piece... You obviously put a lot of thought into this piece... this was great.. and wonderful... just wow... Keep up the amazing work!!! I loved it!!!
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A pleasant story. Near to the end I was getting the impression that Mr Fletcher was Beverlys' ex-husband and the kids had unknowingly set them up on a date. A very nice present for her to recieve. Thanks for sharing. Peace <3
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Now Andy that was amazing. You are so ingeniously creative! I would never have come up with an idea like this for a poem or a story no less. You never cease to amaze me my dear man. I totally love this piece!
Blessings
celticmoon -
WowWowheck yeah
Ok---I'm all teary eyed and feeling mushy. Success dear--you pulled it all together. You are a promising writer----and I too hope for a novel from you---soon. Keep up the awesome work. -
This is a nice stury, well done
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awww how sweet
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YOur ability as a writer shines in this story. I am looking forward to seeing a novel from you. This is an excellent write. Thank you for sharing.
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Very sweet and touching. Like the others said a little confusing. Wonderful write though. However, one little tiny grammar flaw:
"There parents had divorced when they were much younger for reasons they were only now beginning to understand."
Their not there.
But yes this is a great write and I can kind of relate. I love Christmas. Merry Christmas to you! -
This is a very enlightening and enjoyable read. I liked it a lot. Very nicely written. thanks for entering and best of luck 2 u in my contest ~Janine
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I did not read the entire thing but most it was great the part i read, ill try to read the rest another time
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good job
i loved it. at first I was a little confused as to where the story was going, but as I read on it was very good and began to make sense. It almost sounded like a true story. I know I'd never go find a date for my mom if she was divorced/single.. but it doesn't seem unlikely that someone else would. It's a good story, and like I said, it was believable. Well done. -
Well it is a great story of the great heart too.The plot itself is a timeless and very effectively taking the readers towards the curiosity of the life through and through too. The thoughts are very ternal and very true to the heart and have been described very well too.The beauty of the write lies in its universal touch of the beauty of the subject which is very deep and very humanistic too. The flow of the write is veryimpressive and just to the point too.I really appreciatethis work too.Prabhudayal khattar
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Ah tis a great story of Christmas cheer, literally. I love the story and endind, always nice to see something that ends romantically instead of tragically... well written
Much love and Light
Karen -
you did it a again, you got more talent in you fingers then i can even dream off, that is why i love reading your stuff, it pushes me forward and keep me wanting to write and challenge myself in new ways, keep it flowing.
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i dont care for it.
This si a story.. not a poem? i dont get it. i can not really stand reading it thouroughly im sorry.
~tess
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