Prologue: Auguries1
As the figure stepped out of the temporary portal, the many beings around the edge of the huge construct moved quickly to their positions of highest respect. The two humans from Hawkin’s World knelt on one knee, their eyes downcast. The five humans from Sapphire bowed low. The six enphiliam gastropods from Gadaran, sank down and put their three power tentacles out before them, and even the sceptical hover drones flew lower and tilted to expose their weaker upper surfaces.2
“Please – please, there is no need.” The newcomer gestured with his hands and a broad smile for the forty scientists and twenty magicians to resume their normal postures.3
“Welcome Xacizis, Word of God, Light of Lights…” Tufan, the nearest enphiliam began to intone.4
“Please… Tufan, if you insist on running through that whole list of titles, we will miss the conjunction.” he interrupted with a chuckle. Even though he appeared to be a young human adult, he spoke Tufan’s language almost flawlessly, lacking only the ultrasonic tones the human larynx could not produce and the ability to supplement his words with colour changes of his skin. “Is everything ready?”5
The vast complex structure of silver threads which the group had worked on for over three years, glistened like a million dew-covered cobwebs in the harsh artificial light.6
“We believe so, Lord; although, we have of course, been unable to test it with more than token power.” Pedro, one of the Hawkinsians, wiped the sweat that dripped from his forehead as he replied.7
“Well, we get to try that now. You have all your observation devices in place?” He looked around the group and saw their various gestures of agreement. “You had better be gone then – I do not think any of you will want to be here in…” He checked the holographic dial. “Ten minutes. Close the portal as well – there may be some leakage.”8
Alone now, he climbed carefully into the centre of the construct and took one last look out through the silver web and across the cavern. The space within the chamber was vast and yet he knew that if anything went wrong, not only would the chamber cease to exist, but also the labyrinthine, honeycombed mountain above and possibly much of the continent it stood on.9
He sat down on the small metal sheet. There was a risk, he had checked the figures twice, but when She ordered something it was not his place to question. He found it hard to repress a smile. The humans from Sapphire claimed their God had created the whole universe – they were so ambitious - or perhaps just blind? 10
His Goddess just controlled one planet and to a lesser extent the system it was in, and although She did have some influence through out the galaxy, the star system was the real extent of Her domain.11
The experiment She had ordered was to test the feasibility of an inter-galactic wormhole. A project that had interested many of the friendly races She was in communication with, including some of the independent human worlds. They had found the project mind-boggling. To have a passage way to Andromeda, and yet that was a mere step across the road, compared to what they claimed their God had created.12
Perhaps She wasn’t a ‘God’, he considered, She was not omnipotent, nor even omnipresent in Her own realm, but his mind could not comprehend Her and he could think of no other word to describe Her which came as close.13
He knew She was not even female in any real sense of the word. To a being that had no progenitor and had found no other of her kind, gender was irrelevant, but She had disliked the impersonal ‘it’ in his language and therefore taken the fecund, female gender. Even if She could not procreate Her own kind, She had in a real sense worked for others. 14
He felt the first tiny vibration of the power She had been gathering up for years, begin to flow through the magnetic bottle and pulled on the silver gloves and tugged the hood up over his head; despite the fact he knew it was a waste of time. 15
The ulaxians, one of the three insect races represented in the observer-servant group, had thought that the suit would help them to study his form as the power rose. He had tried to explain the forces involved and that well before full power was reached, all their observation equipment would be reduced to molecular detritus, but to no avail.16
17
He took a breath and lay back. It could be that very shortly his life would be over, but he doubted it. She had never been wrong and more likely he would get to speak with Her again, while She was hyped up for the experiment. He would risk his life for that - any time.18
The force wall crackled into existence on the outside of the magnetic bottle, as the power still slowly building, caused the containment fields to glow; at first deep red but swiftly passing through the visible spectrum into x-rays and beyond.19
He knew She was here, shielding him, for otherwise his body would have ceased to exist within nanoseconds of the power flow starting. 20
Then he sensed Her presence. 21
For a moment he felt utter misery and black depression. He was less than a microbe before a Titan. One grain of sand peering at the mountain he had been made from. This emotion swiftly passed and he was filled with awe and humility as She acknowledged his presence.22
23
Her mind contact was so much more than a simple word message. The ‘be ready’ part - was just to show that She was aware of him. 24
Oolloo was the name She always called him. He had no idea what it meant or even what language it was from – if any. As always it evoked so many images fleetingly in his mind: a lonely marsh and the haunting sound of the bird that lived there… a sun kissed beach and the voice of the restless ocean - like a giant’s breathing… the nightscape across the lake at Phin Nim, when the four moons had been in the sky together and the sigh of the breeze that rippled the water. There were also some grim scenes, like the ruined city of Varrag, the buildings reduced to rubble almost as small as the dust that drifted across from the surrounding desert, on the sneering, searing wind - and all, from that one tiny word-thought.25
He was brought back sharply to the present as he felt Her adjust the immense forces around him; much as a normal being might adjust a welding flame.26
The power was now approaching maximum. With only tiny additions and adjustments a new star would burst into existence here, its life brief, for there was little to feed it, but a star none the less. If moved in on its self, the power could create a hungry, world and star eating, singularity.27
28
He felt the harsh corrosive pain as he channelled the pholon from the node in the floor below the construct, through his body and it shone out from his eyes, hands and chest. The raw force of magic adding to the unimaginable forces already around him. He sensed rather than saw, the violetblack (hosh – the fourth primary colour of true light) of the pholon as She pinched it into a tight beam.29
He could feel in his mind’s eye the tiny flaw in spacetime appear and expand, and felt her pass something through it. An instant later the flaw was corrected. 30
31
He struggled for a moment to stop the flow of the pholon. As always, it seemed to have a will of its own, a desire to flow ever stronger from the node in the nexus; then it winked out as he gained control. 32
He thought She would go then, and anticipated the long, lonely wait until it was safe for him to climb out of the framework, but suddenly felt the growing warmth in his feet as Her cathartic sweep began. 33
He could not hold back the tears. He was not due for some time and yet She was taking the time to purge him now. He wept and could not tell whether it was from ecstasy or despair. The warmth rose to a sharp burning pain as She drew every toxin, aberrant cell, or even rogue atom from his body. 34
She also had many instructions for him.35
He lay still, long after Her presence was gone, waiting for the conflicting emotions that ravaged his body and mind to subside. Finally he was able to gather his thoughts and climbed once again from the maze. 36
The framework that had held the temporary portal was gone, as were all the observation devices. The infinitesimal fraction of energy that had escaped the magnetic bottle had been enough to destroy them all, without leaving even a trace. 37
He glanced around at the chamber. The walls a kilometre away, glowed faintly with the energy they had received. The ceiling, two hundred meters above, glowed like the moons through thin cloud. He would have to purge it all before the chamber was safe for any other to enter.38
39
In his mind he began to work through the information She had given him. The aliens would have to be persuaded to leave. Some of them had wished to stay on – especially the group from Sapphire. The chance to study a pseudo-medieval society of their own species had great appeal to them, but there would be little time now for niceties. She had predicted twin crises within five to fifty years – and probably sooner rather than later.40
The xizzxicss would be first She had told him. Damn! He couldn’t even say their name. It sounded like a cross between a giant cricket and metal scraping against rock. It was onomatopoeic – the sound of their call. Their coming meant that somehow he would have to mount a watch on each of the nodes on the nexus. He was going to have to draft in a lot of help for that!41
He walked away towards the far end of the room where another portal would take him back upstairs; pondering how best to start the new challenges and hoping against hope that this time he would not fail. To fail at either one of the two challenges could mean then end of the people and therefore his world. He still thought of them as his race even though it was no-longer entirely true.42
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
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Great read. I can't say anything better than dericlee did so for once shut up. I figure a critical review should possibly help the writer or the reader better understand the work. More importantly give the author some good feedback on rimporving his or her writing. I can't add any better feedback so I will merely give you one of the hundred "Great Writes" Thanks for sharing.
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Well to be honest with you my friend, when I embarked on your prologue, I figured I only had about a 30% chance of being able to comprehend it, since I have very little background in the genre. So kudos to you for using an interesting vocabulary that was still understandable to this humble reader (unlike Drum Dregs). I am beginning to understand more about science fiction/fantasy. 1. It always talks about portals and 2. The number of moons must exceed one.
Oh, isn't fecund and female the same thing, or is their a nuance I missed?
Finally, a personal observation. I find it interesting that a rabid -- anti-supernaturalist would select as his writing area a genre filled with spirituality and magic.
I don't have any criticism, I was just impressed that you were able to pull this off for a reader such as myself.
Wait, I have one criticism, the background made it hard to read and that dragon border is hideous.
Jennifer -
Works fine with Mozilla. Go figure.
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Hmmm. Nope. I'll try a different browser.
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I think I just figured it out -- I need to set a smaller font in my browser. Perhaps. I'll try that.
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Hmmm – nothings been docked for me Bohb, so not sure quite what is going on.
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Hmmmm. Interesting. My only complaint is that quite a few words on the right side of the screen appear to be cut off (and I'm running at a 1024x768 resolution). Is this just me? No one else has said anything...(I hate standing up and being the only one to notice).
Intriguing story to this point.
Edited on Apr 19, 10:21 p.m. because ''. -
Most of the ‘portmanteau’ words were in fact separated by a slash… I’m not sure quite where they have gone. Lol Thanks very much for the read and very useful comments! You are quite right – it was just a ‘set the stage prologue’ and I may even omit it from the finished story although it does work quiet well with the plotting have done, finishing with a round out epilogue after the dénouement. Thanks again – one careful reader is worth a hundred ‘Great writes’.
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Well, that was a journey!
There is always such a problem in getting a prologue with no back-story...I'm forced to assume, with such intricate crafting and imaginative scene-setting, that the things left to my imagination will be gradually filled in with subsequent narration, and that would be just fine ... IF I had those upcoming chapters in hand!! (grrr...but don't sweat it, I did the same thing to my readers in the online preview of my novel!)
silica, while I don't scream over 'absolutely correct grammar', there are a couple of sentences in there where a more correct approach would have made for an easier read: both are instances of awkward placement of preposition...IM me if you want the exact sentences, I'll be happy to point 'em out.
The 'portmanteau words' you create are in most cases perfectly illustrative and clear in intent: the sole objection I find is the word 'observerservant'. With the sheer number of 'er' and 'erv' combinations in sequence, I thought to suggest that the word might be visually assimilated more easily if you hyphenated it. (observer-servant)
Regarding the message just above this (unless someone posts while I'm typing) I find that with the current crop of teenage sf/fantasy readers, writing 'down' isn't a consideration. They're smarter than we are, Chum...witness the fact that my son had to teach me to use a computer!
Scary world, ain't it?
You have a good thing going here...the concept of a guy with a diety he can sense without relying on Faith, who gets answered when he talks to 'God', is rich material. You give enough substance with the shadow-viewed aliens that we aren't left with holes in our vision...except the major hole of just what the hell this device is supposed to be doing? Again, I'll trust that gets made clearer later. It's not enough to say 'wormhole' and assume transport...for credibility you have to actually deal with the problem-fact that travel through a wormhole involves gravitational compression to 0-thickness in three dimensions, and that's not...comfortable. You need an explanation of how one can possibly survive such a mode of transport.
Deal with that, wouldja? I'll be back to look, and I get real antsy when I'm interrupted in the middle of a good read! (hey...I'm at least half-kidding! Don't get nervous...just get to writing!)
Edited on Apr 19, 7:34 p.m. because ''. -
Thank you very much for reading and having so many kind words to say… I never try to be clever… in fact I thought this story might be more suitable for teens than adults – I take it from what you are saying you would not agree. I don’t think I could write down… I’m pretty sure it would come across – possibly as horrible patronising – I enjoy the story myself and just hope other people will too. The most difficult part I have is to make the picture clear without overstating or becoming repetitive, anyway – thanks again for reading.
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Before I comment let me just say I enjoy your writing. There is never any question that it is coming from an intelligent place but that in itself does not make it brilliant. On one hand while words are woven in to such a magnificent tapestry there has to be some care given to what is being said. And it has to also connect with the readers and there is a very fine line between intelligent and pretentious. This tiptoes a very fine line and mercifully falls on the side of brilliant. But the reader must never be thinking, or diverted from the story while they think for a moment that they are reading something is clever just for clever sake. Great writing
David
Edited on Feb 05, 4:27 p.m. because ''. -
Ha! Yours is a lot more suited to photography than mine – so don’t complain… Thanks again!
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Lucky you! My head doesn't seem suited to anything lately.
I always enjoy reading your work, always interesting,
Kyla X -
Thanks very much for reading Yuse – must suit none sf fans better lol – haven’t quiet finished ch5 of driven but I’ll post another chunk of this one… even if it’s only for you lol (My head currently seems better suited to prose than rhyme…) Oh and thanks again!
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Excellent.
"But when She ordered something it was not his place to question..." Now why doesn't anybody think that about me???
I must admit this doesn't hold me as much as Driven (talking of which... how's the next installment going????), but that's probably because I'm not a big Sci-Fi buff. The description of the different species works very well, especially the Tufan's, got a fantastic picture of them in my head. And I loved the cathartic sweep, is it me or was that meant to be sexy??!
So, to sum it up... I enjoyed this. I've visualised the set, made a connection with Oolloo (great name btw) , am very curious about the Goddess and am looking forward to Chapter One.
Not bad for someone who says she doesn't like Sci-Fi... think you might even convert me!
Kyla
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