SCENE 1 1
First Glimpse of Lyla2
The scene starts with Josh walking into class late.3
The teacher is seated and glares at Josh as he walks into the room. 4
Josh remains standing by the door. 5
Teacher: What's your name (irritated) 6
Josh : Josh, Sir 7
Teacher: Well Josh not a great way to start off the year, is it? 8
Josh : No, Sir 9
There's a 10 second pause, the teacher is getting more irritated. 10
Teacher: WELL! (shouted) 11
Josh : Sorry, I won't be late again. 12
Teacher: Sit down, I shall not allow you to disrupt this class for a moment longer. 13
Josh sits down. 14
Teacher: Now where was I. 15
Lyla walks in. 16
Lyla: Sorry I'm late Sir, but 17
Lyla is cut off 18
Teacher: I do not want to hear your excuses, you can clean up the Foyer at the end of the day. 19
Lyla : Yes, Sir. 20
Lyla sits down beside Josh. 21
Teacher: Oh and you can help to, Josh. 22
The teacher starts talking, Josh watches as Lyla takes a book out of her bag. 23
Lyla, starts doodling. Josh watches, without her realising. 24
The teachers voice fades out and is replaced by josh talking 25
Josh : She was the most amazing thing I had ever set eyes on and 26
I knew at the moment that my life was about to change forever 27
The music to playground music starts to play as Josh continues to look at Lyla. 28
scene ends29
SCENE 2 30
Cleaning the foyer 31
The music to playground love is still playing. 32
The scene starts with Lyla standing in the middle of the foyer with a broom daydreaming. 33
Josh is in a corner also holding a broom still gazing at Lyla. 34
Music stops playing. 35
Josh then walks over to Lyla and taps her on the shoulder. 36
Josh: Hey 37
Lyla snaps out of the daydream. 38
Lyla: (smiles) Hey 39
There's a 5 second pause as Lyla waits for Josh to say something. 40
Josh: I'm Josh 41
Josh puts out his hand to shake, Lyla ignores the request, causing Josh to pull back his hand hastily. 42
Lyla: I'm Lyla 43
Josh: It sucks how we have to clean the foyer on the first day back. 44
Lyla: I guess 45
Lyla starts to sweep. 46
Josh taps her on the shoulder again. 47
Lyla: (laughing) what do you want? 48
Josh looks slightly embarrassed. 49
Josh: em, nothing. 50
Josh returns to the corner where he was originally and starts to sweep. 51
He looks over to Lyla and the camera remains on her. 52
Josh's voice starts to be heard by the audience only. 53
Josh: I couldn't figure her out, she was this aloof mhythical creature, that I knew nothing about, yet I felt as though she knew everything about me. 54
scene ends55
SCENE 3 56
It's lunchtime and Josh is walking out of the school with two friends. 57
The two friends are talking, Josh is daydreaming. 58
Friend 1: Okay. I've got one for ya, Britney Spears or Jessica Simpson? 59
Friend 2: Definitly Jessica, Britney's let herself go. 60
Friend 1 laughs at what friend 2 has just said. 61
Friend 1: What about you Josh? 62
Josh doesn't respond. 63
Friend 2: Helloooooooooooo Josh. 64
Friend 2 waves a hand infront of Josh's face as he says this. 65
Josh snaps out of it. 66
Josh: Em, what was the question? 67
Friend 1: Britney or Jessica? 68
Josh spots Lyla walking towards the school gates and runs after her. 69
Friend 1: What was that all about? 70
Friend 2 shrugs. 71
Josh catches up to Lyla as she's just about to go out of the gate. 72
He taps Lyla on the shoulder. 73
Lyla glances around and smiles. 74
Josh: Lyla. 75
Lyla: yes. 76
Josh: Ya wanna do something for lunch? 77
Lyla: I'm going for a walk, you can come with me if you like. 78
Josh: Sure, that would be great. 79
Lyla smiles. 80
Josh and Lyla walk out of the gate together. 81
scene ends82
SCENE 4 83
Josh and Lyla are sitting on the banks of a lake. 84
Lyla is holding a daisy picking the leaves off it. 85
Both Lyla and Josh are looking out onto the lake. 86
Lyla: How come you wanted to come with me. 87
Josh looks at Lyla. 88
Josh: Because I like you. 89
Lyla continues to look out onto the lake. 90
Josh looks out onto the lake again too. 91
Lyla: No one has ever liked me before. 92
Josh: I think you are the most fascinating person I have ever met. 93
Lyla laughs and lays on the grass. 94
Josh does the same thing so they are laying side by side. 95
Josh holds Lyla's hand and lay in silence. 96
Josh's voice starts to be heard by the audience only. 97
Josh: Over the next week we met in this same spot every lunch break. 98
I learnt what her likes and dislikes were and that she wanted to be a writer and live in Paris. I wasn't aware of just how important these pieces of information would become to me. 99
scene ends100
SCENE 5 101
Josh walks into the packed assembly hall and sits down at the back. 102
The headmaster is standing on the stage and begins to speak. 103
Headmaster: I have some bad news 104
Last night a dear student of ours was killed. 105
Lyla Jones died in a truely tragic car accident. 106
If we could all have a moment of silence for Lyla. 107
Josh gets up and walks out.108
scene ends109
SCENE 6110
Clouds Up is playing.111
Josh is in the boys bathroom. 112
He kicks the wall. 113
Punches a mirror. 114
Slumps against a wall and then curls up in a ball on the floor. 115
Scene ends116
SCENE 7117
Josh is at the lake. 118
He goes and sits in the spot where he and Lyla had been sitting. 119
He gazes out onto the lake. 120
Josh's voice starts to be heard by the audience only 121
Josh: As I sat there looking onto the lake, like Lyla and I had done only the day before, I went over everything I knew about her, her favourite colour, her favourite animal and yet no matter how many times I went over it, there were gaps, gaps that would always remain and would never be filled. 122
Josh lays on the grass. 123
Playground love begins to play. 124
The End 125
Author notes
My first ever attemp at a screenplay hope you like it, and also it would be way better with the music playing
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
-
WOW!!!
wow...i think my favorite part was when he taps lyla on the shoulder and and she asks what he wants and gets embarassed cuz she laughs and that kinda leads up to everything...i don't really have a least favorite part...the whole things was GREAT!! i wish you had made it longer or have sequals tho...that's something to think about hopefully...it was very romantic for kids, and tragic, and kept ur attention the whole time...thank u!!!~Natalie
beginning: 4, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
-
It was good, it was simple and direct, it moved a little fast I thought, maybe yeah, a little more character developement, because he went pretty fast from tapping her on the shoulder to laying around with her in the grass holding her hand. But I kind of liked it because of that too, and then she kicked it, that was a bit sudden, it was not quite built up enough for the death to impact me as much as it could have... and though I do think he would be sad at first, he only knew her for a day, he was attracted to her, but there was not enough time for them to really fall in love... But I liked how direct and simple it was, I have read some that are quite long winded and somewhat complicated in ways that are distracting to the main story, this felt more like a tale of romance than an actual event, which I tend to like more, kind of a representation... Really, I liked it... good work!
-
oh no it ended i wish it was longer or had a sequel or both the only bad part was when it ended!!
-
I like it, although in on of the scenes you said something about wanting to be a writer and her going to paris and it was very imporatant in the future, and I dont see how it is, although im prolly missreading that part, and despit a few gramical errors (which we all make
.) Its an amazingly sweet/sad story. Awesome job!
-
I liked this. It has real potentinal. As already been mentioned- your format is off. Develop the story more so we can simpathise with josh. It will make it longer. Great first attempt!
-
-
Thankyou so much for the comment
-
Thank you for proofreading! I read a lot of scripts, and a proofread one is extremely satisfying!
This was a very good first attempt! Really my only problem with it is that the formatting is completely off--but don't worry, my first try was worse in terms of that
Here's a link that should give you a pretty good idea of what it looks like:
www.oscars.org/nicholl/format_a.txt
And, if you have Microsoft Word, here's a link to a template that you can download so you don't have to format everything by hand
office.microsoft.com/en-us/marketplace/EM011298411033.aspx?CategoryID=CE 010584901033
If you want to get serious about screenwriting, I would suggest investing in some software. If you have any more questions in regard to format [or other things], feel free to ask
I liked the story, mainly because it was simple. You did a very good job, in my opinion, of using the "in late, out early" method [which many pro screenwriters use to shave pages off the final draft].
I liked how it was fairly direct. Most screenwriters nowadays don't write direct, to-the-point dialogue, but you did, and that's admirable.
Other than the format, there was one thing I didn't like about it--lack of character development. This is one of the hardest things for newbie screenwriters to get the hang of [I still can't do it well, and I've been writing screenplays for 3 1/2 years]. Basically, it's just making your character "real"--maybe explaining motivation behind actions, why he/she wants what he/she wants, how he/she has changed, etc.
Other than that, nice work! I hope you continue screenwriting!
Adding your comment:
1 - 8 of 8
