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Dear Diary,2
I know it has been a while, Maestro, ha...things have been going extremely well for me...I found a girl...got a job... yet try as I might I can't shake the creeping fangs of depression from piercing my thoughts. 3
No matter how many days that go by I am smiling, always, always I am crying inside. Suicide, I wish were still an option for me. At least I know now that maybe my life is worth saving. The "professionals" say I still have "neurotic tendencies" of "depression" and "anxiety", what the fuck do they know???? They don't know \anything about me. \Or why I am the way I am, or why I do the things I do. They sit all high and fucking mighty over there gold-rimmed glasses, nodding at the right times, probably playing tic-tack-goddamn-toe on their clipboard... Assholes...4
Sorry, sorry... I went on a tangent...I tend to do that more and more now that I've started actually taking my medication again. Again? When did I take it to begin with? Good point. "Blue and Yellow Purple Pills"...Hell I have the whole rainbow in my downstairs medicine cabinet. Uppers, downers, laughers, criers, boner pills, ha these aren't for my depression though, I'm doped to the MotherFUUUCKING gills here folks! Just took my evening dosage about half an hour ago. Feelin' a little fuckered up right now...to tell the truth these pills are basically tranquilizers to help me to sleep? to relax? HAHAHAHAHAH yeah you bet your goddamn ass that's it. No...these are to help me to Forget. To FORGET the pain, to FORGET the loneliness, to FORGET the sadness I feel inside every time I'm alone, have a second to myself to think about what kind of Fucked up life I am living at this very moment in time. Time...such a useless word...people complain that they never have enough, I have way too much of it...5
Well friend, my only friend, the sun has gone to bed and so must I as they say... You're a religious fellow aren't you? well...I'm not...but will you pray for me, anyways? Pray that I don't wake up again. Good night, and may I not see you in the morning.6
Never yours,7
B.V.8
Author notes
So...once again...this story isn't how I reallly feel...it is just a piece of fiction that I have wrote. I am not depressed, I dont think? haha...jk but anywho thanks to everyone for taking your time and reading this.
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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Once again, nice job. I love how you kinda get a peek into this guys's life. You can see the hope in him a lil more clearly in this one. Will he ever be without depression?
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Loving this. I've always been a sucker for diaries though. I hope to read many more from you, excellent job. Well worth an applause i'd say.
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I like this one the best. It really fit him. He went from almost escaping life, to being confined into living, and is now confined with his own thoughts. I love the inner struggle. He mentions that he'd like to die, and yet he can't bring himself to do it.
I think you've really captured what these pills can do.
Awesomer than the last. Keep writing,
Chance -
you cease to amaze me once again
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Dark red. Maroon maybe.
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As said, I want him to die. But, not "die" die. I mean, like, Die. .. I heart you, B.V. ;_;
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So, B.V.... what color is your happiness today?
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Whooa..this was really cool. I loved the description in the beginning, and then the end. I think you started to just write for the sake of it..and started rambling in the middle. You possibly had no idea what you were writing yes??
You wrote "Do why I do the things I do" should skip that first do, and just delete it yes? Is this true???? Ahh..if it is, then I'm sorry but I can't pray for you to go to sleep forever. If it's not..I can't pray for B.V. to go to sleep forever, even though it was in a diary.
Of course..please if it is, why did you promote it? Did you want people to tell you what you should and shouldn't do? Or ....did you have that feeling, (like me). The feeling that diaries...are pointless, if someone either doesnt' read it...or doesn't try to read it. Like you're just wasting paper on your thoughts..that no one will read, and you could have just kept it inside yourself. Instead of writing it down..and having no one even try to read it. sigh I don't know why..but I feel like that. I don't want ot put down my feelings, unless I know someone's going to read it. Well..maybe some feelings, but you know what I mean. My opinions..I don't want to keep locked up. Sorry...I don't know you and I'm pouring my heart out. In al ittle comment...which you probably think I'm just commenting to get points, which I'm not. sigh I gotta stop doing that don't I?
The girl who rambles that you don't know,
Kasey -
Very sad! But, I do like: the sun is going to bed. Good job!
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