The Arctic Wolf (Part III)

**Note: Where you see parentheses around phrases and sentences are thoughts inside the characters mind since I can't use italics. Thanks!***1

***Part III: Howling to a Pale Full Moon***2

(STEFAN)3

He winced for her pain, and his eyes widened. His heart screamed. (No! Not goodbye! Never goodbye! Don’t you dare give up on me, Emily Rose McNeil!) His heart was thundering in his chest, his mind working a mile a minute, thinking of the right thing to say to her. He didn’t want to admit to himself that she was dying and that he was going to lose her after he had worked so hard to get her back. He had been trying to contact her for over a month now, trying to talk to her, trying to fix what he had messed up so long ago. He remembered when he had finally kicked himself and told himself he’d stop at nothing until he had her again. (And now, I have her, only to lose her? Damn it, No!)4

“Emily, don’t you dare give up on me! Please, stay with me. Hold on. Can you hold on a little longer? It’s not goodbye. Don’t say goodbye! I can’t let you go!” He choked, and his heart was in his throat.5

She stared up at him, crying and gasping. He knew that every breath that she took was agony, and that the pain he felt was nothing compared to hers. He could hardly bear that look in her eyes. He knew she didn’t want to let go, but her body was winning out on her. Her heart was giving up, no matter how she willed it not to, and no matter how desperately he clung to her to provide her with warmth, she was growing cold in his arms. His heart screamed out to him. She was trembling, and he wrapped his arms about her even tighter.6

“Stefan…” Her voice was even weaker than before, and it was hardly a whisper now, so that he had to bend his head to hers to hear her.7

He cried and kissed her bloodied lips. He smelled death, and he knew that it clung to her like a second skin. It was winning the war, but he just couldn’t let her go. “Emily…I love you.” He kissed her forehead and cradled her like a small child, wishing that those words alone would make everything go away. (Please, I love you. I love you! Don’t go!)8

She managed to smile even through her pain as she looked up at him. The life was draining from her body, There seemed to be no blood in her face at all. She was so terribly pale, and her eyes were so hollowed and sad. She winced, and looked as if she were trying to speak but couldn’t get the words out of her throat. Stefan bent his head even closer to Emily’s, holding on to her for dear life and for the sake of his sanity. 9

Her hand somehow made it to his face, gently caressing his cheek once more. It was so cold against his skin, he shuddered, and more tears rolled down his cheek and unto her fingers. She smiled again, and summoned her last reserve of strength to lightly kiss his lips. 10

“ Stefan, I…” She gasped, “I…love…you, so…much…” She gasped and her lungs rattled, refusing to give her precious oxygen. She choked and gasped again, and blood gurgled from her lips.11

“Emily!” Stefan cried, his eyes widening, and he held his long slender hand to her cool face.12

Emily made one last attempt at a deep breath and it ended in a heart-wrenching wheeze. Blood bubbled up from her lips and her body suddenly stiffened and her eyes widened, hollowed, and rolled back into her head, her hand slowly falling. (Emily, no!) She relaxed in his arms and went completely limp, her hand dangling down by her side. 13

“Emily! Emily!” He cried, not wanting to believe it to be true. Somewhere in the back of his mind, the sound of ambulance sirens registered. 14

(Why the hell is the hospital so far away? They could have saved her!)  Stefan was on the edge of panic or insanity. He didn’t know which, and he didn’t care.15

Before he even realized what he was doing, he checked for a pulse. It was there, but barely, and he sighed from relief. She’s still alive! But Emily wasn’t breathing, and he knew had to help her. He shuffled her weight and laid her down on the ground, flat on her back, and began giving her CPR, hoping it would work. (Please! Breathe, damn it, breathe! Please, Emily. Come back to me! Where in the name of hell is that goddamned ambulance?)16

He continued relentlessly, holding out, waiting for help to arrive. There were people around, customers and employees from the store, standing, watching, and waiting. Were they hoping for her? He couldn’t be sure. Society was so fascinated with death. They couldn’t stop watching. They couldn’t walk away. Yet, if she died, or when she was carried away by the paramedics, they’d all turn away and continue with their lives as if nothing had happened. And it wouldn’t change a thing about how they went about their lives. It wouldn’t change how they treated one another. They wouldn’t stop to think that it could be them, dying in a pool of blood on a sidewalk outside of the local grocery store because somebody decided to fire a gun from a car. Drive-by shooting. They’d never think that they could die too, just as easily, just as quickly and randomly. (Of all things I'velearned while on the police force, I know that death has no specifics. Death is not biased on station, status, wealth or social importance. Death could care less, and neither could they. Damn them all!)17

Suddenly, Emily choked and gagged, and a shower of blood sprayed him in the face. He wiped at it offhandedly, and turned her head to the side so she wouldn’t choke to death on the blood. She gasped and her lungs rattled horribly. He winced, and blood spattered across the sidewalk. She began to breathe a little easier, and her eyelids fluttered, but she didn’t wake. (At least she’s breathing), he sighed with relief.18

He suddenly realized that the ambulance and the cops had made it there. (Finally!) The flashing lights hurt his eyes. And then, as officers and paramedics poured out of vehicles, he realized that they wouldn’t let him in the ambulance with her if he wasn’t related to her or engaged or married to her, regardless of whether or not he was a police officer. (Damn! I can’t let her go alone, I just can’t! She’ll be scared! She needs me! Think, man, think!) And then it dawned on him. (That’s it! Brilliant!) 19

He quickly slid his police academy ring off of his finger and onto her left ring finger. “This’ll have to do, love. Sorry, it’s not the best. You deserve the best.” He caressed her cheek with his fingers and kissed her on her forehead, before shuffling quickly to the side to allow the paramedics through. It was all a blur in his mind. A young male paramedic looked up at him, while retrieving the oxygen mask from his bag.20

“Excuse me, sir, any relation?” He looked back down to do his job, while the others rushed about him.21

“I’m…I’m her fiancé,” he stammered. His voice felt strangled. Stefan was suddenly overwhelmed by all the people; his heart thundering in his chest.22

“Right. Will you be escorting her then?” Stefan blinked. Agitated, the paramedic added, “Are you riding along?” 23

“Yes. Yes, I am.” Stefan looked about him and wrung his hands as they put Emily on the gurney.24

“Well then get in and stay out of the way.” Stefan knew that the medic didn’t mean to be rude, and that he was just doing his job, but he was still taken aback by the gruffness in the man’s voice. He could have flashed his badge and made a scene, but that would have delayed Emily getting the help she needed and so he didn't. He stepped aside again, wiping his hands across his face, blinking away tears that still lingered in his arctic eyes. He looked up, and a pale, full, unforgiving moon shone down and showered his face in its glow. He wiped his hands on his pants, and closed his eyes. He wanted to scream and howl release from his pain. A biting cold wind sent needles across his skin, but he didn’t care.25

“Sergeant Wolfgang? What the hell are you doing here?” Startled by a familiar voice behind him, Stefan turned on his heel to see a puzzled police officer. “I thought you were off-duty!” 26

“I am, Captain Massey, but I…” He couldn’t think of what to say. (What do I say to a fellow officer when I was at the scene of a terrible crime and could do nothing to save my love from being gunned down in front of the area’s grocery store?) Stefan was becoming agitated. “I was shopping…Shit, Massey, I’ve got to go; she’s my fiancé. Call me later on my cell. I’ll come in tomorrow and run the paperwork!”27

“Your fiancé? What the hell are you talking about Wolfgang, have you lost your mind?” The officer went to stop him but Stefan had already turned away from him. 28

“No, of course not, just call me later, and I’ll clear this up!”29

Stefan waved off the confused officer and climbed into the ambulance. He barely noticed the engine start as they made their way for the hospital over twenty minutes across town, leaving her groceries and his blood-soaked blazer on the sidewalk, proof of what had happened there.30

He tried his best to stay out of the way. He kept quiet vigil over Emily. He didn’t want to think about all the times he’d been in an ambulance. Emily was all that mattered now. He had been spending time with his family too. They would wonder where he was. He’d call them when he got to the hospital, as well as the department. They knew she wasn’t his fiancé but he couldn’t give a rat’s ass.31

(Won't they be surprised?) He mused, realizing he hadn’t mentioned Emily’s name to his parents in years, since they were still friends. His older sister, Christy, had asked about her plenty of times over that last year. (She had been on to the whole ordeal), he noted. She knew something was wrong, especially when Emily disappeared out of the picture completely. After a while, she’d stopped talking about her, because every time she’d mention her name, Stefan would get agitated. He was ashamed of how he’d acted. He’d made a real ass of himself, and he couldn’t believe Emily would just reach out and forgive him like that. He knew he didn’t deserve it. He just hadn’t been able to bear another year wondering where she was or what she looked like or what she was doing, or even if she was still alive. He hadn’t expected to spend a month of failure after failure, trying to contact her. Perhaps she had known all along. Someone tipped her off, and she’d ignored his calls, and trashed his mail. He didn’t blame her. He probably would have done the same thing. 32

He wondered why she had never tried to contact him after all that time. (She probably thought you were dead, you idiot. And she had probable cause to believe that.) He was a heathen in his day, positively reckless and an endangerment to everyone around him. He’d heard something about her little wild streak from some of his former friends who talked to her. But she shoved them off eventually, wanting absolutely nothing to do with anyone associated with Stefan, the boy who broke her heart. (I would have done the same thing, he sighed.)33

He held his head in his hands as the ambulance raced along through traffic, unable to shake away all of the horrible things he’d said to her when they’d gotten into that last fight so long ago. 34

All she had every wanted from him was his friendship, and he couldn’t even give her that. (What the hell was I thinking), he wondered. He wanted to kick himself. He’d been a real ass, and he didn’t deserve her forgiveness, that was for certain. After his sister found out about the fight, a rift grew between them, and Stefan had never been able to truly make amends with her. Christy had loved Emily like a little sister, and for years had been one of her best friends, and she knew that Stefan had crushed her. People he’d left behind after graduation, while she was still in high school, said that she changed drastically afterwards. She’d become more antisocial and introverted, dark, and tortured. Stefan knew he’d had a lot to answer for. (You bastard, you ruined her.) He shook his head. (Well, I can’t change the past, but I can try to make a better future.) He looked up toward Emily, and looked away again, tears in his eyes.35

Suddenly, someone was saying something to him, and everything became a blur. They were at the hospital. He was forced out of the way roughly, and instructed to go to the emergency waiting room. They also insisted that he go to the restroom and try to wash up. He heard everything, and yet didn’t. His limbs were leaden and refused to move. His mind was flooded with regrets. (I just can’t believe this is happening. If I'd been on duty, I'd have had my gun...I could have done something...) But he knew that if he had been on duty, he wouldn't have been grocery shopping for his parents, and he would have never run into Emily, and then it would have still happened, and he wouldn't have been there for her. He sighed. Stefan turned out of the way and made his way toward the doors, looking behind him as the medics rushed Emily through another entrance, meant for ambulanced patients. (Emily, I'd give my life for you; you know I would. Just make it through, baby...just make it through...)36

(End of Part Three)37