Randolph, Son Of Rudolph

Everyone knows the story of how Rudolph saved Christmas by leading Santa’s sleigh through a terrible blizzard, delivering lonely toys to anxious children in one magical night. But nobody seems to know what happened after Rudolph returned to the North Pole and exchanged a chaste kiss with Clarice, the female reindeer he loved, under the holiday mistletoe. 1

The day after Christmas, the gay decorations were taken down, the elves went back to work with their tiny little hammers, and the bucks went into seclusion with their does. Training for Santa’s sleigh had been tough that year, and all of the reindeer looked forward to a few weeks of romping with their mates.2

Almost a year after that night, while the bucks were brushing up on their flying skills again, the does were giving birth. More than one had a slightly reddish tinge to their noses, but all of the reindeer pretended not to see this. Of all these new bundles of joy, the one that received the most attention was Randolph, son of Rudolph and Clarice. 3

Randolph’s nose was as brilliantly red as his father’s was, but this time nobody tried to hide the rosy nose of the young deer. Instead they rejoiced that there would be another reindeer who could ensure that Christmas continued, no matter what the weather.4

Rudolph was the proudest father of them all, boasting about how well and strong his son was becoming with every passing year. Randolph and his playmates were frequently found surrounding Rudolph, listening enthralled as he repeated his tales of the Island Of Misfit Toys, the Abominable Snowman, and, of course, the way his powerful nose had penetrated the foggy, snow-filled air. 5

But Rudolph was growing older, and he was finding that his admirers had shifted their adoration to his son. He tried to remain the proud father, but he became bitter and resentful. One day he walked into the frozen lake and did not resurface. 6

The entire North Pole mourned for their lost hero, and none cried more than Santa, who had quite a taste for venison. He was devastated that the bloated corpse of the red nosed reindeer would give him no supper. They all turned to Randolph, watching him as he attended his first flying lesson.7

He had his father’s graceful figure as he flew, his nose twinkling brightly, but he was still quite young, and everyone agreed that he was not yet ready to pull Santa’s sleigh with the older bucks. Randolph tried to be patient, but he was the son of the great Rudolph! Surely that was reason enough to let him pull the sleigh, young or not. Much to Randolph’s dismay, the next few years had Christmases with beautifully clear skies; no need for the shining light of his nose. 8

Randolph grew into a magnificent young buck, as muscled and talented as his father had been. He, too, was popular with the does, now that they had all accepted his strange red nose as being desirable, wonderful.9

At last, the year came where it was Randolph’s turn to don the lead harness and lead Santa around the world and back in one night. He endured the weeks of rigorous training that truly tested his flight skills and leadership abilities. Every single test only showed how perfectly suited Randolph was to the task, and how eager to live up to the legacy left to him by his suicidal father. He didn’t have much to do with his mother, who had become the mate of Donner, Blitzen, and Comet. 10

During the last week of flight training, Randolph was hooked to Santa’s sleigh for the first time. Around and around he strutted pulling the jolly fat man around, greeting everyone with a “Ho ho ho!” and a wave. And then Santa decided to harness all of the reindeer, descendants of the Rudolph team, and take a practice flight. 11

They all got into position and on Santa’s cue began to get a running start for their leap into the air. To the horror of the gathered crowds of drunken elves and giggling Mrs. Clause, Randolph’s leg became tangled in a strand of popcorn some careless fool had tossed out for the birds. Down he fell, face first into the snow, his leg bent painfully under him.12

Now, Santa saw this, and quickly shouted for Randolph to be taken to Schlachthaus fünf, the infirmary. Randolph was determined to be a cripple for life, and killed. That night, Santa had the roast venison he had dreamed of, and the reindeer sang:13

Randolph the red meat supper,14

Had a very tasty roast,15

And if you ever taste it,16

You won’t even ask for toast. 17

All of the other reindeer18

Wanted him to pull the sleigh,19

But now they thank dear Randolph20

For his liver lying on their plates. 21

Then that foggy Christmas eve,22

One elf came to say,23

Santa curb your appetite24

Or none can pull your sleigh tonight.25

Then how the workers feasted,26

Drenching him in brown gravy,27

Randolph the son of Rudolph,28

Who knew you were so juicy?29

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