The Orphan and The Gazelle

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Her Mother disowned her. My guess is her beauty triggered the emotional ousting. She physically removed herself at the age of 16 by marrying a man of 21 years old. This forced her to be an orphan of another sort, having a physical Mother but never able to reach her, be close or feel loved by her. Fortunately, she was blessed, as she was swift in beauty, kindness, intelligence and grace. She was an orphan and a gazelle. 2

Because of her less than perfect childhood she would run as quickly as the wind would carry her. On many occasions, I felt the breeze of her flight but I always knew she would come back for me. She would stop from time to time to rub noses with me so that I would remember that I was hers. She would bring me to visit her and I would have the opportunity to stay the night with her and be her child. I would curl up next to her with my head on her lap, as she would stroke my curly hair. 3

The walks to the corner store, hand in hand with her, were like walking the royal courtyard with my personal princess. My Mother was the princess. She was the epitome of beauty and it was not to be hidden. It was my job to let everyone know of her striking appearance. I would say, "Wait until you meet my Mother, she's very pretty". No one could disagree when they finally saw her. When it was time for me to go back to where I lived, apart from her, my great grandma would pick me up and carry me away, whaling, kicking, face streaming with tears. I dreamed one day she would stop running. No longer would I have to chase her but I would catch up with her instead. I hoped one day she would stay so we would finally be together. 4

It was not her wishes to run. Her circumstances were not favorable and she lived a meager lifestyle. There was a distant sadness inside her causing her to seek love in other ways. There were many suitors whom would beg to take care of her. She didn't remain married to her first. She was untamed and moved from place to place in short periods, struggling for security and independence. 5

She would always come out of hiding to find me or leave me a trail in which to find her. It would be my deepest thrill when she would finally appear, seemingly out of nowhere and look at me with reflective, peering and lovely brown eyes, taking me back with her. Of course my stays were never long enough. Before I knew it my great grandma was coming to carry me away again, ignoring my tears. Maybe I wasn't an orphan with my great grandma to take care of me but I felt like one then. 6

On a very strange day my great grandma became ill. It was sad for me but it was also oddly liberating and wasn't as painful for me as it should have been. Something inside would urge me to whisper, "One day soon you will be free. Free to be with whom you want to be". Sometimes I wasn't sure it was I chanting these words. It sounded more like her. My great grandmother was so sick she didn't come back home. My grandmother took me in for a few weeks. While I was there she sat down beside me with a smile on her face and she said, "Your Mom is coming for you. You'll stay with her". I said, "For good?" She smiled and she said, "For good". Instead of sadness for my great grandma there was elation. 7

A few weeks afterwards my great grandma died and there she was standing in front of me like a vision. She said, I finally found a nice place where we all can live and now you are coming to stay with me". I was so happy it would have been a curse for me to show it. Smiling at her, I took her hand but my heart was a celebration, of jubilation and final acceptance. She brought me into her fold with the other siblings and I took my place as the eldest of her offspring. I would finally be at home. She would no longer be fleeting and elusive with me chasing behind her in childish laughter, like hide and seek. I finally caught her. Because of her today my gratitude is abundant. I would never be the orphan she was but she is, and will always be, my graceful and wondrous gazelle, swift in beauty, kindness, intelligence and grace. 8