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"This is Jackie Bird, reporting live from Fort William and the Caledonian Canal. Scotland has never been known as a land of earthquakes, but strange things have been happening here in the past few days. Intrepid hillwalkers on the West Highland Way noticed it first: 2
Calum McCart. I believe you walk the Way every winter?"3
"Aye, Jackie. It's a sort of family tradition. Ma great grandfaither, God rest his soul, was a shepherd about these pairts, afore they cleared his croft. Now I walk the Way in his memory. Right up to Fort William, past Ben Nevis, and on up the Glen tae Inverness."4
"Can you tell me what you noticed Calum?"5
"Jackie: the Ben's growing. It's getting taller!"6
"Vast hordes are blocking the A82 going South. Train services have been suspended on the West Highland line since the derailment of the Virgin Express from Glasgow. You saw this, I believe, Bob"7
"Jackie, it was truly awful. The rails bent like butter. The train was thrown off like a toy."8
"Casualties?"9
"They're having trouble getting through. The glens are moving!"10
"I'm afraid we're losing Bob. Hello? Oh God. Hello? What's happening"11
"Jackie. Tsunami..... A82......the sea's rising up.....these poor people!....cars tossed about like toys....run!...get that bloody camera van started!....we're not going...to make it....God Help us...merciful Heavens......!"12
"Bob! Bob!"13
"This is Jackie. Can anyone hear me? Hello? Hello? The land's slipping beneath my feet! The canal's actually getting wider! The mountains are moving! No! No!"14
"Is there anyone out there? Is there anyone out there?"15
"The lord is my shepherd, I shall not want, he maketh me to lie down in green pastures, he leadeth me beside still waters, yea though I walk through the valley of the Shadow of Death... yea though I walk through the valley of the Shadow of Death.... yea though I walk through the valley of the Shadow of Death...... yea though I walk through the valley of the Shadow of Death............"16
Author notes
The Great Glen Fault is a real place. I've walked it myself. Who knows what might happen?
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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I like the idea but the execution failed somehow. I can't work out why. It may be because I am not familiar with the area and the description is to particular? I really don't know.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 3, dialog: 5, characters: 2.
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'ALL STORIES WILL BE GRADED IN A SCALE 1-6 (6 is the best score)
Originality 4
Creativity 4
Content 4
Rule Compliance 6
Organization 5
Main Idea 5
Supporting details 4
Spelling 5
Punctuation 5
Fluency 4
Lead 5
Hook 5
My personal opinion 4
TOTAL 60
AVERAGE 4.62
RANK 7
Comments: You should work on the supporting details. That's what brought you down. Yet, you did a good job.
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Hey! You did a good job! This was great!
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Thanks, I'm glad you enjoyed it. Dinna fret, Scotland's still here. Just the odd nuclear power station to come, I believe. Best Wishes. Have a Happy Hogmanay.
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Anything might happen what with the way we are all going - need a brave government I feel...
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BRILLIANT!!!!
I clicked on this because a friend (Page) has a poem with the same title ... but I must say that is where the resemblance ends. This piece is written with absolute intensity, it's startling. It felt so very very real, it nearly had me shaking. It is brilliant!
Keep well.
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