Haven't written about this in a while

          Hey, well I haven't written to you in a while, so i thought i might renew myself. 1

So here it all starts. I've been thinking about you a lot lately. I've been hesitant to say that before because i thought you might think of me as a stalker, but now i just don't really care anymore. Every time i hear a love song i think of you. Even if what I'm listening to isn't really about love I imagine your listening to it at the same time and you think about me. I know i sound so naive and I sound so stupid. I feel naive and stupid all the time because things don't change so easily for me and when they do I don't  adjust well. I guess you could kinda get that seeing as how I have yet to move on from you. I'm not sure if i want to anymore. 2

I want you to know that when i see you in the halls my stomach gets those same butterflies it got in 6th grade. I wonder sometimes if when you come into class its because of me or someone else. May be your like me and every time you walk into a room you blush because you know people are looking at you. I remember how you used to be in 6th grade and how everyone would look at you funny when you came into a room. I remember how you would mess up your hair in gym and the teacher would yell at you. I don't know if you wanted people to laugh, but I'm sorry that i did. I tried not to and that time he freaked out at you I was so angry. I wanted to sock the kids next to me right in the face, that were laughing at you.  That time i think is the reddest i will ever see you.3

I was wondering if you noticed the similarity between this year and 6th grade. Aside from gym (which coincidentally i have next marking period) we have science together again. I can only hope we have gym together next marking period. Then again if things get to be that simmaler some things could happen that i would hate myself for ever hoping for. I went from seeing you almost every day to never seeing you except for ma y be once a month back to seeing you almost everyday. All that time i had never seeing you makes me so thankful for what i have now. Even though you may flirt with other girls and walk with them in the halls an whatnot, I'm still thankful just to see you and know your there. Theirs now a reason to show up everyday. 4

I've written a lot about you. I've done a lot of things i regret for you. I found so many more things that i love because of you. I dye my hair to get you to notice me. I regret not doing so many things for you. I should have done so much more to cover my tracks to find you. Like when i saw you at the carnival last year I should have said hi or anything. I saw you looking at me and I though about doing so many things so you could really notice me. Hell you could have been looking at a kid behind me but i would have never known. I regret not standing closer to you in gym that time, and letting you know i wasn't lying when i said i love you. I regret not looking at you more. I regret letting my mind become so adjusted to the thought of you. I let it get to the point where if i think of something I automatically relate it to you in someway.  Because of you I've found my place in life, I've found such beautiful music, and I've found a path of thinking that sets me free. I regret letting my mind sink so deep into depression I stayed up nights crying because i thought I'd never see you again. I regret I still let my mind sink into depression and stay up nights crying because i think you don't even notice me anymore. I hate myself for getting off the path you helped me find. I hate feeling so useless without you. I hate that when friends try to help I reject them because i want you. I hate that nothing ammounts to you. I hate that i can relate to just about every broken heart song. 5

I regret allowing so much hatred in because of you.6

I just want to know that theirs proof life went on and thought still passed after you left. Even when you came back I kept writing about the same stuff.7

I just want to say to you that if i could i would take it all back in a minute and re do everything but ruin what made us happy. 8

But you said you never liked me anyway.9

I guess this letter is to myself. 10

In regard for the days that have past and the ones that still last,11

Katie12