The Disposition of the Clan

The Disposition of the Clan1

As I see it, "Teleri"2

The clan grew up believing if you were good, you would be in God’s good grace. Looking back, I see this as a fairy tale to propagandize children and social cultures in obeying and complying to the will of others and not a God. However, I do believe there must be a force beyond our visual sight and complete comprehension that should be cherished and respected. A force that can only be felt spiritually within our physical being, deep in our souls.3

"Herd `em in, corral `em, and drive `em 4

down a single blind path of perception."5

For the clan, joy was not a priority, I doubt they even knew a thing about joy. The notion of, and experiencing of joy was not an option available to the clan. The atmosphere of family life was tense, violent and unhappy.  To venture out into the social structure of culture, to have relationships, or to invite friends to the house was like summoning others into a dungeon of chagrin. The clan, had a secret pride that could easily be shamed by the presence of their mother. She could be overbearing in an ‘aggressive manner,’ tyrannical with ‘impulsive behaviors,’ and dictatorial having ‘absolute sovereignty’ that could soak one in a river of embarrassment. She preferred a kingdom of invisible inhabitants with forbidden tongues and tears. If she could have worn a crown, it would have been a temperamental crown of dark magic. A magical crown of gold with a fierce green glowing tint as gems chanted out thoughts of endless curses that would keep those bound to her on their knees. 6

Where others believe we are the light in the darkness, the clan believed they where the darkness in the light and would smile even though they didn’t feel like smiling. If someone smiled, they smiled. We in the valley carry on the same tradition, if someone smiles, then smile back even if you don’t feel like it. If someone is putting you down with a smile, smile back if someone is complimenting you with a smile, then smile back even if you don’t believe a word they are saying, and if someone is joking around with a smile, then by all means smile back even if you don’t think they are funny. A smile symbolizes peace, it has become so traditional, we don’t even have to think about the effort or the reasons for this ridicules ritual motion. 7

Laughing for the clan and even those of us in the valley is but a spell to hold back the tears. A gidd`ish day of laughing where there is nothing to laugh about is a day of pouring rain behind our cloudy frustrated eyes that make us feel like we are flying high. Our feet off the ground, sailing through the clouds with arms of wings to escape the frustration of emotions that flow inside us like an emotional flood covering the ground, filling our heart and soul because we can not swim our only option is to take flight to escape drowning in the sensational and suffocating flood of stirring emotions. 8

Even though the clan was socially embodied in flesh with working functions, such as, walking legs, movable arms and gripping hands, eyes, ears, a nose and a multipurpose mouth. The clan always felt incomplete, out of place and unsatisfied with life its self. They felt insecure with their surroundings, unsure of the moments, the days past, and those that laid ahead. Their worth and value felt like an empty bottle thrown on the side of the road from abuses, self sacrifice, and endless compromises they had lost their dignity believing the wind was against them, and to me that is the worst kind of bondage. We in the valley suffer the same affliction as the clan had.9