*\Pure Panic And Pain…\*
I still always close my eyes at sunset. Although many years have passed I still cry at night. I still cry whenever I hear someone talking or asking me about them. Will I ever get past this? Do people get past things similar to that?
My mother, father and brother were eagerly looking forward to our trip to the beach. We had to spend two hours on the road to get there. I was angrily looking at the warm winter sky. In my country, there is almost no difference between the summer and the winter…
On the road, my family was laughing with each other while I closed my eyes and leaned my head towards the window. It was slightly opened and I could feel the smooth wind playing with my scarf. I couldn’t hear a thing but the calm sad music playing in my ears. I hid the CD-walkman in my rucksack so that my mother wouldn’t start a quarrel.
It happened so fast… I didn’t see a thing… I didn’t hear a thing… I just felt a strong shake and horrible pain in my head… There were no other feelings but anger and pain at that moment…
*\***************************************************\*
I opened my eyes and saw a strange woman staring at me. I couldn’t remember what had happened. I looked around and realized that I was in a hospital room.
The nurse asked, “How do you feel?”
“Why am I here?” I asked hopelessly trying to sit up. “What happened?”
“Don’t you remember?” the nurse inquired…
Once I saw the expression on her face, it all fell down on me. I remembered that we were on our trip to the beach and the trip was interrupted by horrible pain.
As I have been told later, it was a car accident. The doctors themselves were amazed that I was still alive and got away with only a broken hand. They also told me that… my family… my mother… my father… my brother… had all died in the accident.
People say that once you know something like that panic and pain strikes you… But this was not what happened. Of course, I was terrified by the news but I didn’t cry or break into panic. I think that is why the doctors let me go home so fast.
“Are you sure..?” my uncle asked once I opened the door to our house.
“Yes,” I interrupted him. “I think it’ll be better if I stay alone. If I need anything I’ll call. Don’t worry about me… I’m a wise girl.”
Maybe people who are reading this now are saying that I was not supposed to be left alone. But I think that it was the thing that helped me most.
I closed the door and looked into the space. My father’s lectures, papers, books and pens all over the table by the computer. My brother’s shoes unarranged on the floor. I bent down and put them in the right way as my mother would always do…
Slowly, I moved on into the sitting room, it was the same as usual… My brother’s books on the sofa after he was doing his homework in front of the television again. A cup of cold half-drunk coffee on the table by the puzzles my mother always enjoyed to play with…
I opened the door to my parents’ bedroom. The scent of my father’s perfumes that my mother had always given him on Christmas. It was always the tidiest room in the whole house. The bed was covered with a brown sheet and the cupboards were tightly closed.
I lied on the bed, on the place where my mother used to sleep, and closed my eyes. I was motionlessly and almost emotionlessly lying on the bed and thinking of nothing at all…
The sky turned orange-red. My eyes were still dry of tears. I put my hand under my mother’s pillow and felt something soft. I pulled it out. It was her night-robe…it was so cute on my mother that reminded me of babies. I put it near my face and I could smell her… the way she was so similar to small cute babies…
Till that sunset my emotions were in a pause or in other words: in a coma. Once I remembered her smell I remembered the way she used to kiss me and the way her cheek was rising up when she smiled. They was we always got along even after a long quarrel. Immediately, I smelt and felt my father. The way he would buy me everything I asked for and the way he tells his humorless jokes. Then my sight fell on a sock on the floor… my brother’s sock. I remembered the way we always used to fight… The way he took away my things because he wanted them too… The way he suddenly started asking me about his appearance and the way he pretended that he was not in love…
I don’t know what have the neighbors thought about that night but I started crying. It was the pure panic and pain. I was not just crying… it was a combination of tears and sounds and screams. I could not stop myself all night.
And from that day on, I never stay alone because I know that if I do… I’ll probably end my life. I never keep my eyes open at sunset because I feel that it is sad… and makes me, one more time, remember all the past days – whether they were pleasant or not…
Author notes
Well... This didn't really happen. I just closed my eyes and imagined... what if all who I loved are gone? That inspired me. I hope you like it and I hope it fits with what you want.
A contest entry
- Remember Me by crazygurl501.
175 points, ended October 21, 2006, 11 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Contest for All - Big Points to win! by k3nny.
1250 points, ended June 16, 2007, 53 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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This was really not bad at all... I like dhow you began the story but from common knowledge, I think that nurses don't really tell their patients what happened to their dead relatives just as they wake up. lol... whatever...
Anyway, you did good detailing in there. and the story's nice too!
So, thanks for entering and good luck!!! -
OMG I LOVE THIS
Good job. You made me cry. thanks for entering this wonderful story into my contest. I really enjoyed reading this. Most people don't understand that you don't need a lot to make a story sad or make some one cry, but I think you know exactly what it takes to get the job done. And for that I thank you.
Dawn
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The detailing in this as far as the emotional aspects are concerned were absolutely wonderful. You let the reader feel the pain of what was going on. The loneliness and pain of this young girl was apparent throughout.
You also detailed the sitaution with the car accident well. I'm not sure the uncle would have let her go back o to the house or would have let her stay there alone.
I think it might have been better to explain any injuries she may have had, it seems unlikely she would have just "walked away" from what happened. Otherwise a wonderful story.
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this is terrible. the story was amazing. but the feelings you pinned up on me really get the better of me. this story makes me depressed. like really unhappy. you did great with it. awesome work.
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Excellent
You did such a wonderful job with this write. Loss is sometimes such a tremendous way of discovering the aspects of love we took for granted. You sure captured it with this story. Great story. Good luck in the contest. -
Since you have just wrote This is....in your author's comment. let me have the pleasure to tell you that This is a brillent writing work. keep it up.
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Mmm... This wasn't a poem. It was a story. And by the way, Thanks for your sweet comments. They really help a lot.
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Well done
I'm constantly amazed at the detail that you put into your writing. All of the images seem so fresh, like you're seeing them at the same time we're seeing them. I love the way you wote about your family and the objects that they belong to. Each object said do much about the person that few words were needed to make us understand what it would have been like to come home to find those things undistirbed. However, this seems much more like prose than poetry, especially because your stanzas are put together like paragraphs, with each line anding for a different reason. Overall though, the writing is beautifully done, and it made me shed a tear
Edited on Dec 16, 1:06 because 'spelling error'. -
oooooooooooooooooooooh
wow wow wow
i dont know what to say its amazing i love it mainly when u described the house after entering the sitting room before lying on ur bed that part was good
u r talented just keep on writing nice stuffs -
This is wonderful. You did a very good job on this. Im so glad you enetered my contest. Keep up the great work.
Lots of Love,
Becca -
this is............ very very good i really liked it alot great job -kevin
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