Just A Night

One last puff and it would be gone.  I wanted this to last as long as possible.  I brought it to my lips and slowly inhaled.  The smoke filled my lungs, tickling the sides.  I slowly breathed out, watching the smoke disappear into the air.  I looked at the cigarette one last time before dropping it to the ground and stomping it out.  “F*** you because I loved you.  F*** you for loving me too…” by Marilyn Manson played in the background numbing me.  I got up from the edge of the bathtub and walked towards my bedroom.  As I entered my room, a flood of memories made me pause in the doorway.1

The first memory was me as a girl.  I was sitting in the middle of my floor playing with my best friend Megan and our favorite doll, Trojan.  Megan and I were laughing, having fun playing house with our imaginary husbands.  We were really too old to be playing house, but we didn’t care because this was just a one time thing and we were having fun.  Tears silently rolled down my face and fell to the floor.  It had been a long time since I had been happy.  For a brief second, I began to rethink what I was about to do, but the next memory broke my heart and turned it to ice over again.2

I was in the corner of my room crying and rocking back and forth.  A month after Megan and I were playing in my room, she moved away.  Megan never dealt with change very well, so when the move didn’t go smooth, she killed herself.  I was in all black and about to go to her funeral.  My mom walked into my room and put her arm around the crying me, trying to comfort me, but I shrugged it off.  I wiped the tears from my eyes, stood up, and walked out the room.3

I wiped the tears from my face and walked in.  I went to my bed, bent down, and pulled my jewelry box and a bottle of vodka from underneath.  I took five swigs of the Vodka and set it on my nightstand.  I slowly opened the lid to the jewelry box and took out the two objects inside.  More tears started streaming down my face, so I dropped the things in my lap and grabbed for the vodka bottle again.  “You’ve got to help me out here,” I muttered as I downed the rest of the vodka.  I let the empty bottle fall to the floor, feeling the alcohol racing through my blood stream.  It shattered on the marble floor.  I quickly gathered both objects in my hand.  I checked the first making sure I had signed it and put it on my nightstand directly under my lamp.  I took the second and put it to my wrist.  I made one quick swipe up my are to my elbow.  I let the arm fall off the side of the bed over the shattered glass.  By then the alcohol was already making the world spin.  I laid back noting briefly how pretty shattered glass and blood looked, before closing my eyes.4

The next morning Jill’s mom walked over to the nightstand and turned on the lamp.  Without even looking around, she grabbed the letter and read it.5

Dear Mom,6

Nothing I say can prepare you for what you are going to see when you turn around, so I’m not even going to try.  I love you and dads very much, always remember that.  Don’t try and blame yourself for what I have done or think that you could have changed my mind because you couldn’t have.  This was the choice I’ve made.  I thought this through and I know it’s for the best.  You’ll see.  I’m with Megan now.7

Jilly8

Jill’s mom slowly turned around looking first at the bloody glass on the floor.  Her eyes moved up to the bloody arm and stopped.  She could not look any further.  She let out a high-pitched yell and ran from the room.  A few moments later, Jill’s dad walked into the room, sighed, and picked up the phone to call 911.9