Tabby, I'm Sorry #3

"It's so pretty out here, Irving." I said to the tall, purple-haired male beside me, looking up at the clear night sky splattered with glowing white orbs. I had never seen the sky so clearly in this human town before. There was something here called po-loo-shun which made it hareder to see the stars, plus there were alot more artificial lights which dimmed the stars down, Eshel told me. Where I come from, the sky is clear all the time. Seeing it like this makes me kinda homesick. 1

As a sudden breeze rushed across the porch, I shivered and snuggled into Irving's chest. With my amplified hearing, and my ear pressed against his firm chest, the sound of Irving's heart beating was loud and steady. I closed my eyes, enjoying the warmth his body gave to me. It was strange... whenever I was this close to him, I'd always feel warm inside. Warm and safe. Like there was nowhere else in this whole entire universe where I'd rather be, or where I'd be safer. What was this feeling. Never before in my life have I ever felt like this. Was it one of these 'crushes' Eshel always talks about? Was I attracted to Irving the way my mother was attracted to my father? Was this... love? It's such an alien feeling to me.2

Suddenly, my thoughts were interrupted as Irving shifted, grabbing my shoulders firmly but gently and turning me around. I looked up at him, expectantly.3

"Tabby." he said softly. The way he says my name, it sounded so much nicer, so much more desirable than when anyone else said it. But tonight... there was something different. He was... nervous? Afraid? I couldn't tell.4

"You know I…love…Eshel…very, very much…” Inside I could feel a worm squirming around, making my heart beat faster and sharpening my senses. Still, I smiled. Eshel made him happy, I knew. He looked at her in such a way that told me so. And when those whom I care for are happy, so am I.5

“I know, and it makes me so happy to see that…” I told him, grinning widely and looking deeper into his eyes. I was about to carry on when his put a finger across my lips, telling me to be silent. Immediately, I did so. I glanced down at his finger, and when I looked up at him again, there were tears beginning to form. In my head, alarm bells went off, telling me that he wasn't safe, that I was in a dangerous situation, but I ignored it. If anything was going to hurt me, Irving would be my guardian. But right now, he was in distress. I crooned, starting forward so I could hug him and make it better. I was stopped, though, when he grabbed my wrists and held me back. All of a sudden, confusion swept in. I looked down at my wrists. The pressure on them was increasing, and beginning to cause me discomfort, maybe even pain.6

“Irving…why are you crying? What’s going on? Irving…it’s cold, let’s go inside…please, you’re scaring me…” My heart began to beat at an enormous speed, and now I was beginning to doubt that I wasn't making myself vulnerable by being out here with Irving. 7

"NO!" He yelled, and then I was scared. Really, truly terrified. I always was when people yelled at me. And there were waves of emotion, regret, and anger rolling off of him now. Finally he let go of my wrist to wipe away his own tears, and took a few deep breaths. 'Say something' I thought, 'Say something to make me feel safe again, I don't like being afraid, I don't like it, I don't...'8

“Tabby, I love you very much, but - ” My prayers were answered. I was so relieved, I didn't even notice how his eyes were flaring with anticipation, and how his heart rate had soared. I just threw my arms around him, trying to find my safe place, trying to escape the memories, trying not to cry, or be unhappy, or-9

“ – but I love Eshel more.” He tensed, and I felt a searing, burning pain in my gut. My claws tightened their grip on his shirt and my body weakened, spasming in pain. I threw my head upwards to look at my attacker as my body slid downwards, blood pouring from my stomach over my white dress and his shirt. I looked into his eyes and saw no regret, no remorse, no nothing, except for a flame of hate simmering away inside of him. As my hold on him slacked and I began my final journey towards the wooden floor, I tried to ask him why he had done it, what I had done that was so wrong. I had trusted him, loved him, and now, all I could see in him was hate for the very air I breathed. But I couldn't speak. all that emerged form my mouth was a gurgle of blood. Tears welled up in my eyes, but not from the pain of the wound on my stomach. It was the bitter taste of betrayal which was hurting me, and as my eyes drifted shut all I could see was his bloodied form standing above me. The last thing I felt was the soft material of his shirt contrasting to the harsh wooden floor of the patio. Then my eyes shut on the world and it's cruelties for the last time, and all my senses were void. I always thought that the world and life was too harsh for me to survive in, and I was right.10