Chapter I, First Draft

CHAPTER I  1

IN a luminous, opalescent-hued crystallized realm, far above the earthly plane, two men sat facing each other over a game of chess. The larger of the two stood six-foot four inches tall, dominating the space with his largesse. He wore a white physician’s coat over a purple button-down dress shirt; precisely pressed slacks in a charcoal gray tone; and shiny, Italian leather shoes. Dark of skin, Dr. Evan ‘Hands’ Johnson was in his forties, but fit as a fiddle. Well, he was described so when he was actually alive, of course. Not that he was dead precisely—well, okay he was dead—but, like the other enlightened beings, he never thought of himself as being dead so much as he merely wasn’t alive in earthly terms. 2

“Checkmate!” called out God, with pride. “I win again; although, if you keep losing focus during our weekly games, I won’t bother to refrain from teasing you about it. So, what is it that you wish to discuss?” God asked ‘Hands,’ while stretching his arms above his head. 3

“Why do you still do that?” Hands asked God, not really caring about the answer; anything to stall voicing his growing concerns about his position in the angel chain of command. 4

“You mean stretch like an earthly? Oh, I don’t know; it goes along with what you expect me to do, don’t you think? After all, you see me as a short, balding white man of sixty. You see what you expect to see. But, I think it puts my angels more at ease to think of me as just another human. Habit, I suppose, after all these years. Now come on, I haven’t got eternity to chat with you—spit it out, I beg you.” God sat back down in his crystal-like chair, again striving to put his angel at ease.5

“Well… you said when I began working with the lost ones… that once I had proven myself for the task, you would consider reassigning me. I have been waiting and waiting and… would very much like to ask if the time has come to accept a more challenging assignment? Not that I don’t li—” 6

God held up his hand in a ‘stop there’ gesture. “It isn’t that I don’t think you’ve done a good job: I do. But, you have not fully explored your capabilities in your current position enough to warrant a reassignment.” God took an unnecessary breath, continuing.  “As you know, those lost souls who still think they are alive need your medical as well as spiritual attention. You seem to have concentrated thus far on the medical aspect of their recovery, and not their need to be loved as my children,” God stated, as he reached out a hand to lightly grip Hands’ shoulder. 7

Seeing his frustration, God dropped his hand and said, “Now. I have a special assignment for you. But, you must consider that you might not be ready to make such an emotional leap of faith. Are you ready? Will you not trust me, Evan?” 8

Hands sighed in exasperation, but stifled his reaction with care. After all, this was God he was speaking to. “It’s just that I have waited so long. I am not sure what more I need to do to prove to you that I can handle the finer aspects of angeldom; but if that is your wish, then yes—I accept. What is this new assignment?” 9

“There is a woman, in the final stages of death. Her name is Lucinda Walker. I want you to recruit her for the vacant position of Acceptance Guide. She is in Mercy General Hospital in Lee’s Pass, Oregon. You have one hour to gain her acceptance and enlist her help—and no, you cannot stop time for this one—you must give Lucy what she wants most in life, in order to gain her cooperation. Any questions?” God looked down on his earthlies distractedly, seemingly dismissing Hands prior to his departure. 10

“Wait. All I have to do to gain my new assignment is to garner Miss Walker’s services as an Acceptance Guide? That’s it?” asked Hands suspiciously. After all, if it was going to be so easy, why wasn’t he asked to visit earth before? No, he was sure God was up to something. 11

“That is correct. You have only an hour; do not forget, lest her death come too soon. I will not assign her if her earthly death occurs before the allotted hour. And-- it’s Mrs. Walker; she is married,” intoned God with due seriousness. 12

“Married! But Lord, we have never filled the position with a married earthly before. How is she to hide her new job from her husband? Don’t tell me she has kids too!” Hands burst out. He adjusted his wire-framed spectacles with a gesture born of impatience and habit. 13

“Married. No children. You have fifty-five minutes now.” God smiled, while parting with one final instruction to his angel. “Do not forget, my son, how blind humans can be; tread carefully, with more compassion than you have shown thus far, and all will be as it should be. Good luck.” God turned his back—and, without further ado-- disappeared.
14

Author notes

For Simi's Short Story Class, first draft, chapter I. This is to be a very long story, but this is only the opening scene. Please do not tell me it isn't finished-- duh, I know that-- still, I have to present it for class.

What did you think? Please comment!

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Comments

1 - 6 of 6
  • fae
    December 11, 2005
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    Thank you so much for reading this and all your other comments you sent me hon. I will let you know. Am not doing more because of the health but I will


  • December 11, 2005
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    Captivating...

    Hi! Coolies! Am so curious about the follow-up of this story. Let me know when you got more written!

  • fae
    December 4, 2005
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    Thanks Merry. Very much! First draft means I will cut the fat later. I will definitely take up your suggestion too it's a good one and I thank you for it


  • MargaretG
    December 3, 2005
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    I think the dialog is good, but it has too much explanation in places. I wouldn't mention that the chess games are weekly, for example, the plural may be enough to suggest regularity. Good work, this makes me want to know more.

  • fae
    December 3, 2005
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    Did you really Munda! That's funny Thank you very much. I so want to read yours and I will; I look forward to it. I think the hardest part is starting to type from notes, at least I hope so.

  • Munda
    December 3, 2005
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    I was going to im you this: How I love your first chapter and the style it's written in. Great read and I can hardly wait to read the next chapter... that is... if you let me. LOL

    Instead I hit the homework button LOL

1 - 6 of 6