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Every evening at exactly have past twelve a gentleman appeared down on the street. Just beyond the stoop of my apartment building there’s a street lamp. In the evening hours it stands like a staff penetrating the cement, surrounded by a halo of light, seeming so nostalgic.2
Every night, for nearly a month, I’d peer out my window; without fail the gentleman was there. He always stood with his back to my window, leaning against the post as if it needed his aide to hold it up, then he’d strike a match lighting the cigar between his fingers. There he stood for nearly an hour. All dressed in dark he stood like a shadow come to life, intriguing my highly acute senses. 3
One night, I actually got up the nerve to go down and approach him. I carried my trash down to the awaiting bin standing in the shadows before approaching.4
I ventured and said "Good Evening, I was wondering why you keep waiting under this street lamp for something that never seems to appear."5
The gentleman tilted his head ever so slightly to where I could see more of a silhouette. He replied, "well son, I wait here for my Geraldine. She should be coming along very shortly. The train will be arriving at exactly half past the hour." The gentleman sighed. Confused I decided to leave him to his waiting.6
Upon further research I found that the spot where the man stood had indeed once been a train depot; nearly 30 years previous. I also found a newspaper article that told of the unfortunate death of a Geraldine Meyers on the same day date the gentleman began to appear. Reading the story sent chills down my spine. Geraldine passed when her train derailed. She never made her destination. 7
Author notes
This is for the 300 hundred words. It's 298 to be exact
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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i found the story to be fascinating and spooky to boot. i can almost see this as a true ghost story somewhere in the world, DARK.
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Your word count is right on.
I like it when I have absolutely no idea where the story is going. You have done a nice job of building this. The only thing that I am not sure about is the way the last paragraph starts. "Upon further research I found..." That changes the tone of the story from a sad romantic tale to something a bit more dry, at least for me. I will not be judging this until Wednesday. If you have a few minutes and decide to do a little editing please let me know.
Thank you for this and good luck.
Susan -
You're very welcome
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Thank-You for your advice. Yes, I do agree that what you have suggested would work much better. I did work and re-work those dialogue lines to try and fit the opening dialogue in. Thank-You for finding a way for me.
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Excellent musings
This is a Superb short story, which holds a marvelous flavor that touches one's heart!
If you'll permit me...two tiny edits will fix your word count and make this an outstanding story.
When you started your dialog if you add the words at beginning and re-phrase to:
I ventured and said, "Good Evening, I was wondering why you keep waiting under this street lamp for something that never seems to appear."
second dialog perhaps start with
He replied, "Well son, (all the rest here) then start a new line paragraph for the clinching line.
That's all there is to it I hope my thoughts are helpful.
Best wishes in this contest!
Blessings, Sandi
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