I lie awake, staring upwards at the ceiling, playing mind games with myself, writing poetry in my head; anything to prevent me drifting off to sleep. I know that once I fall into slumber, nothing will bring me back. I know they’re already there, the Demons, watching, waiting, willing me to enter their kingdom. Dreamland. Where they have complete power over me, my every breath, every place I visit, every person I meet.1
The Demons have haunted me ever since I can remember. They control every dream, every nightmare, every small wondering that I have. Recently, the dreams have become more and more vivid, more and more terrifying. Before I could only sense them, but now I can see them, hear them, even feel them when I get near enough. I’ve started fearing going to bed, knowing that when I do it will be merely a matter of minutes before they’re there.2
In the last dream, I dreamt I was the creator, the Goddess, ruler of everything. It was a good dream, too, until the Demons showed up and spoilt it all. As usual. They made it so that everything I did, everything I touched was ruined. Where I walked, floors crumbled, flowers wilted, windows cracked in their panes. I tried to heal the sick, and they worsened. My best friend turned to a corpse in my arms. Nothing’s as it seems in Dreamland. Of course, it isn’t just childish games like this that the Demons play. They make each dream so real, so lucid, so totally believable that they convince me that I am seeing the truth.3
I am myself in my dreams, yet I have no control over my body. It is like I am a prisoner, trapped, and I peer out of my eyes like a stranger to myself. The Demons make me kill people, perform gruesome and grisly acts, and all the while I am forced to watch. Sometimes the Demons force me to murder people I know. These are the worse dreams, and the Demon’s favourite. I usually wake up in cold sweats, screaming hysterical screams, believing that I have really slain my loved ones. But eventually the feeling passes, and I start to dread the next night, the next dream; manic laughter piercing through my head as I try to get back to sleep. 4
I recite times tables in my head, going through from one. So far, I have got up to eight times seven. I am trying to remember the square root of eight, when I feel myself floating off to sleep.5
Author notes
This is my first story on the site, so I would really appreciate some feedback. Thanks.
Shadow xXx
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 34 of 34
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great
thats a sweet arse story...i love it -
Great!
Great story, was intrigued by the premise and loved the flow of this work. Keep up the great work :-). -
Wow this is a really good story, plenty of detail, I already decided to enter the contest, since it sounds like a really good story. I can't wait to see what happens soon
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i like the idea i have of this story cant wait to see how it turns out with me in it hopefully
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Good job.
I like this story and the elements that are in it or shall take place in it. I think I may enter your contest.
vickey -
This is a cool story. I'd like to be in it.
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This is good, like a self-narrative that has the perspective of a protagonist that is troubled by her demons. I like the concept, as well as the style. Keep working on this, Im interested in a finished product
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This is brilliant, I think every one has some sort of demon to fear and this captures it perfectly. My demons tend to be gargoil (haven't got a clue how to spell that) like things that are at first pigions and then try to eat me. The over activeness of a mind. -.-
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awesome job!
ever seen the mists of Avalon? -
At first I wasn't going to enter your contest because I thought that I didn't want nor need to be a character in any old story. But now that I've read it I know that I must enter! Good Luck with finding good characters for your story.
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What an amazing story! The imagery is so vivid I can see it, and the ending keeps me wanting to read more. I hope it continues!
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That story is pretty good. You definitely have some talent in writing. Not many things cativate me enough to want more but this makes it up there. Hope that this is only the begining.
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This was a great beginning and a good way to explain everything to the reader. This is chapter one? Writing about dreams and nightmares is always interesting becuase you could do ANYTHING in them. I would love to read more bout these demons and why they choose you as their victim though. LOL.
Schmitty -
Holy.... crap! wow! That was freaking amazing! I got closer to the computer screan and everything. lol Your lack of description in some parts made it more... scary and emotional. It was easy to tell that the speaker was very afraid of his dreams and it was very... good. The cliff hanger at the very end made me think: I want more!!! Where's the next chapter?!?! That is a good thing.
I can't wait to read chapter 2 which should be very exciting. You seem to have a natural talent for writing stories and I'm glad you decided to start writing them. Excellent job! 
I could definately see this being a movie. Let me know when Chapter 2 is written because I definately can't wait to see what you put into that.
--Tim -
Great story line. A very gripping write. It grabs and holds the interest of the reader. It is very well written and shows good originality and yet things with which almost everyone can identfy. There are a couple of minor things that could be changed to make it read better.
In this line:
"It is like a am a prisoner, trapped, and I peer out of my eyes like I am a stranger to myself."
the second "like" is too much. If you would remove "like I am" the flow of the story would be smoother. Also the typo at the beginning of the sentence where "a" was typed rather than "I" should be corrected.
And in this line:
"I usually wake up in cold sweats, screaming hysterical screams, believing that I have really slain my loved ones."
I would suggest changing "screaming hysterical screams" to "screaming hysterically" as screaming always implies screams and is therefore unnecessary. The same could be said of the "staring upwards at the ceiling" in the first line. The ceiling is always up.
But all in all this is a great write and I will be very interested in reading the rest of the story.
~Jan
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WOW the third and the last paragraph had me in awe, the others we're great too, but these were my favourite. The ending was just fantastic, leaving it as you fall asleep, now I'm just left wondering what horrible nightmares are going on now the story has ended. I want to read on....Great job, keep writing.
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this is brilliant! the experiences, the explenation, the way you put it together. it's ... bloody brilliant! *shudders with joy* it's so well done, and accurate. it's scary.
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this is a freakin killer story, we all have our demons to conquear, even me. it had me from start to finish i can't want to see what happens next, really, this is going to be a great story to read. i am looking forward to see who wins your contest and what the next chapter holds.
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wow this is really intresting! ive got to read on my dear!!! though i just want to tell you that there is a book already made intitled 'Dreamland'...so if you have a back up yea just a sigestion. this is a very intresting beginning and makes the reader wonder how the character is to prevent themselves from the dreams...good job and i hope to read more! peace to all ~flight
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This sounds a lot like my actual dreams.
Nice work. -
OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is so totally WICKED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Write more or I will SCREAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is absolutely BRILLIANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Gotta tell Hope about this.... Can't wait...........*twitch*..................*twitch*..............................*twitch*
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This is truly a great beginning to your story its so gripping its always good to have a amazing first chapter it keeps the reader hooked!
Great Read
Jacqui
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Oh, awesome! You could really take this story places! I can't wait for the next chapter!
P.s What's your main character's name? -
wow this is amazing! I have had a lot of weird experiences with dreams, and this kinda brought them(dreams in general) to life. I can tell that this probably took a lot of thought because it was so well put together. Wonderful begining!
-Faithful Dreamer -
that was freakin amazing!
i absolutly love it so far.
the weird part is that i feel that way sometimes,its like you have written about my worst dreams.
the imagery and descriptions were excellent
great job
cant wait to read the rest! -
This is a really good story. Very well written. I just have one suggestion. In your first sentence: " lie awake, staring upwards at the ceiling" I think here you can take out the "upwards" because well, its not necesarry, you'll always look upwards at a ceiling.
NO other suggestions apart from...keep writing!
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Pretty spiffy so far. I can definitely relate to this character (the not going to sleep part, not the killing people part ^_^)
Great job, keep-a going. -
Wow, this is awesome! i love it a lot. I am commenting on this so i can enter your contest, and i can relate to it a lot. So far, it is really well written. Keep the ink flowing hun
xoxox
-faerie-
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Thanks. I have a contest so people can be characters in the story, so if you wanna be in it - enter my contest!!!
Shadow xXx -
\jaw hangs on floor through five minutes of utter silence\
THAT WAS SO COMPLETELY AWESOME!!!!! I've gotta go read some more of your stuff now. -
Thanks kerri. It's not as good as your story though. I am crap at dialogue. I mean seriously. lol. Is it okay if I put you in the story? Actually, that's a good idea for a contest. *Tootles off to make one*. Seeya around
Shadow xXx -
NOOOO DONT GO TO SLEEP..... sorry bout that. this really was amazing and like Nola-999 this totally rocked! i cant wait to read the next one.. hurry up and write it this is going to be good... i can tell hehe anyway keep it up love u and
x x x x x x x x x x x x x
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Hey thanks. It's the first proper story I've managed to start writing. I'm working on the second part now. It is really creepy. lol. Glad you enjoyed it. Shadow xXx
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Superb!
WOW! THIS IS AWSOME IT HONESTLY ROCKED! I THINK U SHOULD WRITE MORE IT'S AMAZING! TRULY IS!!!
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