Journal Entry

November 30, 20051

Sis' Birthday!!2

10:44 p.m.3

Sittin' on my bed tryin to kill time and cryin.4

I think I have pulled out thirty (if not more) tissues out of that tissue box now. My nose is so red and it hurts. I am sick with the common cold and a sore throat, but it felt like strep the other day! I have a cough that has given me coughing fits at night and spasms during the day.5

I just got off the phone with Lindsay. Oh my gosh, no matter how many times she explains it, I will never get stupid science. I hate it so much and Mr. Johnson too. He's the worst. He's old and fat and doesn't explain things very good at all. I have a test tomorrow that I should be studying for, but I can barely see through my tears. I missed school on Monday because I was sick, Tuesday (all but ONE class) because of Nutcracker, and today (all but three classes) because of Nutcracker performances also. Oh my gosh, my nose hurts so bad. It's not even funny.6

Anyways, Mrs. Wofford isn't so great either. She gives homework every night (math) (AND on weekends) and all thirty problems. Oh, I'm sorry. She's not THAT mean. She usually gives us ONE or TWO problems off. I have FOUR lessons (one hundred and twelve questions) to do for makeup for her class and I am never going to finish it. 7

I am thinking of being home-schooled next year. I read this article in a Christian magazine about this beautiful Christian dancer. When she was in junior high, it said she danced five hours a day, six days a week, and it wasn't long before her routine included tears as well...8

"When I reached the point where I cried all the time, I knew I was losing the joy [of dancing]," she said, "but I never wanted to quit, even though I had days where I was utterly exhausted."9

Sarah Lane of American Ballet Theater, a corps de ballet member was just like me. Her mother gave her a choice of staying in school, going to college, and quitting dance, or homeschooling.10

I feel like that's what I want to do. Dance is my passion, but I don't want it to be something that's getting in the way. I want it to be something that's taking me over. It's my dream to dance professionally. I don't need science and math to dance. To move. To feel. To love.11

Just today, my dad got surgery on both of his knees at the same time. I haven't been able to get him off my mind. He can't eat anything (I'm not sure why) and he's been drinking broth, juices, and jello all day. I am so scared for him. He says he's in so much pain right now.12

I'm even behind in dance. I've missed who knows how many rehearsals for competition pieces so I don't know the choreography and I haven't been there so I'll probably be in the back for the rest of the dances. Nutcracker SOOO got in the way of everything!! I'm lucky it was fun...13

On top of all this, I'm still trying to get the fact through my head that my guy is miles away from me. I miss him so much. I'm counting the days of when he'll be back. I NEED to see him again soon.14

The tears are flowing faster...15

I think I'll give him a call...16

-Maddie-17