The rundown Tudor mansion on the corner of Whiting Avenue and Beach Street in Avon New Jersey was finally sold after sitting vacant for fifty years. Its new owners didn’t waste any time getting the permits to start renovations for a ‘Bed and Breakfast’ they’d always dreamed of owning, and as I walked past the iron gate on my way to the post office I noticed a workmen's van parked in the drive.1
A few days later, excitement was spreading all over town so I stopped into the local dinner to get the story from Kelly Darwing a waitress there, who was known to be the most reliable source in the area.2
Taking a seat at one of the corner tables, Kelly walks over with a menu in her hand and an excited gleam on her face exclaiming, “Well they found all those bikes that have been disappearing, there must have been at least twenty of them hidden under the back porch, but that’s not all they found. While digging up the supporting posts to remove the whole veranda, they hit something metal and uncovered a rusty box. The new owners thinking they’d found a monetary treasure pried it open straight away.”3
I interrupted, “What was in the box?”4
Kelly continues, “That Simmons woman died an old maid with no other living relatives. Inside the box they found one pearl earring, a lock of hair and a gold locket with a mans picture inside. Also; a bunch of letters, love letters if you can believe it from a Lieutenant in the navy dated back from the 1800’s. She must have waited for him all those years hoping, but he never came back.”5
I left with the notion that treasures of the heart have more impact than a box of gold.6
Author notes
I hope this is not cliché..here's where the muse went, I hope you enjoy my 300 word story
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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I am in awe of your ability to stop,
to tell the whole tale is so few words.
My pieces have a tendecy to procede to
multiple parts, the story always wanting
to keep on telling itself! Great details, great
"moral" to the story. Glad I looked in on it!!
M-C -
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Hi MC,
I was working with a specific word count for a contest, or else it would have been longer. I kept having to shave off a little here and there. I'm pleased you found it intact enough to follow.
Thank you for your kind thoughts, I truly appreciate it and the time spend reading
Many blessings, Sandi
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Hi notreallypoetic, I appreciate the read and for your great thoughts left behind, thank you
The story was a bit longer to begin with, but I had to trim it down to fit the word count for the contest. The house stood vacant because when the owner (Miss Simmons) died, there was no one to leave it to, so it had become a ward of the state
Now as to grammar goofs, please if you see them tell me so I might make changes, thanks again!
Blessings, Sandi
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left me wanting a little more...
I'm willing to ignore the few grammar errors that this piece has because it was so well-written!
The introduction was very good, I like stories that start by NOT describing the day or the character, and I liked how you kept the "suspense" going until the end.
I'm still wondering what happened in the house that caused the 50-year vacancy, though.
Nice job! -
actually changed it to excitement
Thanks!
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Hi Susan
Thank you for your great thoughts on this, I was afraid it was a little bit. I see what you mean about "gossip" and I'm editing it to "news" so the word count stays the same. I'm thrilled you liked it Good luck with your contest!
Blessings, Sandi
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No it is not cliche! There is enough of a twist to it that there is no chance of it!
Yes your word count is right on.
I was wondering where it was going and that is a good thing. The only question I have is the word "gossip". To me that talks of embellishment and information that should best be kept to one self. Is there a better way to say that? To express that it is sort of breaking news? If you decide to edit let me know!
Your 300 words were well worth reading.
Thank you for your entry and good luck!
Susan -
Thank you my sweet friend! Your gracious thoughts make writing these scribbles so worth it
Have a blessed day Sandi
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A most beautifully written story, my friend! Indeed, treasures of the heart are VERY MUCH more precious than silver or gold! I loved this, my friend! I see no cliche' here; I see a most beautiful sharing of the soul! Very well done!
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