What ever happened to the Smurfs?

They were blue.1

They were cute.  2

Well, most of em were.  Papa Smurf had to have been an ugly sonofabitch.  And horny.  I mean come on!  He hasn't gotten laid in how many years and then there's the town whore walking around!3

They were fuzzy...I think.  I'm not sure.  Well, there again, Papa Smurf was the exception.  With that beard, you KNOW he was fuzzy.4

They dared to go where no fashion statement had gone before, by wearing white pants--and ONLY white pants--all year round, even AFTER Labor Day.  Again, except for Papa smurf (who wore red suspenders) and the town whore who actually did wear a dressy-blouse-like thing.  But it WAS still white!5

And they fought off a wizard who tried to destroy their town of mushrooms.  Which brings up my next point.  All those shrooms, you KNOW they were high!  And the wizard!  Why not just freaking step on the damn things!  They're, what, half an inch tall?!  Come on!  6

So what ever happened to those happy little blue guys and girls anyway?  Did the cat finally eat them?  No.  Did the Wizard finally step on them?  No, he wasn't that smart.  No, in the end...they Smurfed themselves to death.  Consider this.  How many times in one episode of the show would they say the word Smurf?  It would vary, but the count WAS up there, I assure you.  So then, it can be reasonably assumed that they used this word too much until it lost all its meaning--if it even had a meaning to begin with.  Having used the word to death, they realized they needed a new word.  But of course then they must change the name of their race to something else otherwise it just isn't cute anymore.  This of course caused a great war between the smurfs themselves.  Ah, but of course, their favorite word dying wasn't all there was to it.  How old was Papa Smurf do you think?  Realistically, odds are he died of old age midway through this war.  That caused great confusion.  And, not knowing what DNA evidence was back then, they all started accusing each other for Papa Smurf's death.  Even Brainy Smurf was implicated.  And why not?  With no signs of a struggle, no signs of ANY crime whatsoever, who else would be smart enough to do such a thing without leaving a trail?  A perfect crime, it WOULD have been, this is true.  So, Brainy was the first to be executed.  This only sent the race farther into downfall.  After a while, with the Smurf war and the smurf deaths...they became endangered.  Only a handful were left.  And the problem of the word Smurf STILL wasn't solved.  So they took a vote, finally doing what SHOULD have been done ages ago.  In the end, they opted to stay with the word Smurf.  And so you see...they're not ALL dead.  But they will be soon...7

You see, at this moment, their lesser-known cousins, the Snorks, are sending them an invitation to meet on the shores of Nowhere.  Little do they know that the Snorks are planning to kill the rest of them off, for more air time and recognition and money.  And also for ever having used the word Smurf in the first place.8

The End9