what's the difference?

sometimes i wonder why i wake up. if we're supposed to have control of our lives and we spend our entire life trying to get that control, how come we don't have control of our death? some people commit what we know as "suicide". when they want their life to end, they end it. it's this big dramatic thing where tragedy has struck yet again but when someone dies of say, lung cancer, it's a sad thing that we all mourn for long periods of time and say, "it wasn't their time to go". well, obviously it was. but wouldn't that be a form of suicide as well? what's really the difference between death and living anyway. once you're born you undergo the almost immediate pain of teething, then we get that first love in elementary school and slide that oh so important note on their desks telling them anonymously that "i like you". then we come to find out they like your best friend and you run home crying to your mother that this supposed, wretched now ex-friend of yours is boyfriend and girlfriend with the person you liked and you'll never live again. you then start to tamper with the scary and oh so naughty substances such as glue and running with scissors. but eventually, u get over it. 1

then middle school comes where you get all scared because you quickly find out what letter grades are and don't get the easy 1-2-3-4 grades. immediately following that, u understand that your teachers are no longer your babysitters and what they say might actually affect u when u get to that big people stage of high school. your second love now begins to take place until they like that popular person in your 3rd period math class that always has that perfect hair, matching clothes and can go out to the witching dark hour of 10 o'clock. you then start rebelling and wear the same t-shirt that says, "i'll only wear black until they make something darker" about 2 times in a week, turn your homework in late every now and then to show that you're tuff and experiment with different substances used to enthuse the young minds such as tobacco and porn. and yet again, we then find ourselves entering the world where the grade your in isn't a number but more of a status. for example, you're no longer an 8th grader..oh no, you're now a "freshman". and although this new school experience might be quite exciting for you, you soon learn to fear black sharpie and upper class men. and while your year of hazing is going on, you really start to learn now that yes, in middle school they just passed you along no matter how many classes you failed, but in high school you have to take those classes over. this really doesn't appeal to you but u figure, "hey, i got four years, what the hell, right?" wrong. this is yet another thing u quickly learn as this vicious cycle continues. yes, you've entered the sex drugs and alcohol capital of the world...no not Vegas, you're still in high school as of right now. you start to understand that part in the sublime song when they say "finding roaches in the pot" and how the invention of foil was probably the most incredible things man ever made. a lighter is now your best friend and the teachers are the enemy. next step, driving. getting behind the wheel of a car is the best thing that ever happened to you since you stopped teething. until u get in a wreck, get a ticket or dont have the grades or money to keep the car, then you're screwed. your mom and dad become strangers while in the midst of all this "suckyness" you find your third love. that hot, sexy person you "chill with" on your off hour that always bums you cigarettes when you're in your most desperate time of need. then that special day comes...they ask if u wanna watch a "cheech and chong" movie and go get "blazed" while listening to pink floyd. oh, u got it made now. you end of fucking the person and they never talk to u again. bummer. you hurt, but you'll get over it. 2

finally, graduation day. after all those failed classes you finally got at least a D average to pass and graduate. granted you wont get into any college, but hey, what's so bad about fast food, it's money, right? u can be a manager some day and earn $12,000/year.  you later learn that that 3rd love of yours got into some trouble and is now dealing with a baby which happened to be with that best friend of yours in elementary school...funny how things work out, huh? so by this point you're graduated and looking forward to the rest of your life. now, if your life isn't shitty enough, could u spend the rest of it the same way? and u wonder why there's such a high suicide rating for teens nowadays. but what's the difference between living and dieing..either way your in hell.3

but it's ok, you'll get over it.4