Momma and Me

1

Momma and Me 2

Slowly and ever so cautiously I pushed open the door to a room that had know me so well in what seemed like a past life. It seemed it was so distant a million years had passed since I had been here last. But it had not; only about ten years had passed since I had last laid eyes on this room. I could feel my heart beating wildly against my chest the further I opened the door until the door was swung completely open.The only light in the room streamed through small cracks and tears in the faded drapes that the sun must have burned free all its color, but it gave enough light for me to see. 3

The draft from the door being swung opened sent dust particles to fly up into the air where they danced in the streams of sunlight like sparkling little diamonds. Suddenly, as I stood leaning against the door frame, a scene played out right before my eyes. It was so real it was as if I were truly there; as if I could reach out and touch the images that palyed out like a movie. I could see a little ballerina girl dancing when suddenly the darkened room flooded with light. I could see now that the wallpaper on the walls were adorned with tiny pink rose buds. The bedding on the bed, as well as the canopy, matched the wallpaper. Rose buds were carved into the wood on the headboard of the bed and the rest of the bedroom furniture matched. The drapes in the window were a darker pink with a sheer underlay that allowed the light of the sun to come through. Sun that almost shone on this girl like a spotlight. 4

I was lost in the image of the girl before me with her long ringlets of golden hair pulled to the back of her head with a pink satin bow. She was wearing a pink tutu with matching ballerina shoes. An ache filled my heart as I pondered on the girl and the joy that filled her eyes as she tried her best to do a series of pirouettes. She looked to be so free, happy, with her eyes gleaming of something I could not place my finger on.  5

As I continued to watch, suddenly the door burst open and a woman glided into the room as if she floated on the very air itself. My heart froze and then beat even faster as she scooped the girl up into her arms and did a series of pirouettes of her own, the girl's laughter echoed through the room. 6

" It’s time for bed," I heard the woman speak, although it was a muffled kind of echo. 7

"I know," the girl replied. A small pout played on her lips and the woman bent down touching her nose to the girl's nose and they wiggled back and forth with Eskimo kisses while the woman walked over to the bed. The child in her arms giggled all the way until the woman laid her down upon the sheets and pulled the covers up to her chin before kissing her on the forehead. " I love you Momma," the girl’s voice came out almost as if melody in a song. 8

" I love you too darling," the woman bent to give her another kiss.9

I was startled back to reality still standing in the doorway of the darkened room that faced me and an eerie feeling crept over me as I crossed the threshold into the forbidden zone. I walked over to the drapes and pulled them open. As I did my lungs got invaded with dust, but sunlight streamed into the room in full force and everything was now clearly visible. The room looked as if all the color had long since faded away. Every thing was covered with a thick layer of dust that turned the world gray. However, the room was just as I remembered it. From the canopy bed to the little rocking horse in the corner. I walked over to the bed and in the now lighted room I could see the dust being interrupted from its final resting place around my feet. 10

As I approached the bed I found what I was looking for. There lay a rabbit with long ears and a long floppy body; at one time he used to be white but his color faded to gray as with everything else in the room. I picked him up, brushed the dust from him and held him close to my chest. A familiar yearning rushed through my heart as I sat down on the bed. Again, an angry puff of dust rose into the air. 11

Another scene began to play in front of me. The room changed and the light was back making everything appear as it had in my vision before. Only the little girl was wearing a pink satin dress, with a velvet bodice. Lace trimmed the collar, sleeves and was pulled to the back of her dress in the form of a bow. If you looked really closely you could see the tiny little rose buds that held little pearls in the center that went around the collar. 12

Just as before the woman floated into the room as if in a dream and you could hear the clicking of the soles of the little girl’s Mary Jane's as  she ran across the hard wood floor. The woman swooped her up and spun her in the air, before going to sit in the rocking chair right before the window. The floppy rabbit was sitting in the seat of the chair so the woman picked him and handed him to the girl. The girl held the rabbit close and snuggled in against the woman relishing the warmth and comfort she felt. 13

" I have to go away for awhile, little one," the woman’s voice broke the silence. 14

"Where?" the girl sat straight up, her back straight as a board and her hands on her hips, clearly ready to protest. 15

"The hospital, honey," the woman answered. Sorrow plagued her eyes and the little girl relaxed a bit sensing the seriousness of the situation. 16

" Are you sick?" she asked. 17

" I am," the woman nodded her head. 18

" Are you gonna die?" The girl asked bluntly. So wise for a child whose life consisted all of six years.  19

" I don’t know, but probably." Another somber look crossed the woman’s face as she was brutally honest with her small daughter. 20

"But, where am I gonna go?" the girl asked, trying hard to hold back her tears and be brave. 21

" You’re going to go stay with your aunt and if I get better then you can come home." The woman stood up lifting the girl with her. She carried her over to the bed and gently laid her down, as if the little girl were the sick one not she. " Get some rest honey, your aunt will be here a little later." With that the woman swept from the room and the girl just laid on the bed with her heart breaking. She held on tightly to her bunny and cried until she fell asleep. 22

As the vision faded away I realized I was still sitting on the bed clutching the bunny, tears were streaming down my face. I wiped them awake quickly feeling stupid for getting so emotional over a stupid day dream. I lay the bunny back down on the bed and I went over to the tiny dressing table that had a mirror on the back. I could imagine the little girl twirling and spinning about as she tried on new dresses. On top of the table were little hair brushes and combs, tiny little bottles of perfumes, and nail polishes. Just the right stuff for a little lady learning to be fashionable and a debutante in the making. 23

When I looked in the mirror again I saw myself. My hair hung off my head like dry straw, my complexion was pale and my eyes held something I couldn't’t quite put my finger on. As I stood staring at myself I could see in the reflection of the mirror the same girl fast asleep on the bed. The poor thing had exhausted herself with her tears and she still clung tightly to her bunny. She was startled awake, however, when the door was abruptly opened and a harsh voice echoed off the walls. 24

"Get up girl," the voice demanded and the girl sat up quickly. Her eyes falling on a rather large woman wearing a drab cotton dress that looked like it had long since needed mending. Her eyes were an icy blue. Her hair, a massive disarray, the color of coal, that didn't look like it had seen a hair brush in ages. The woman just towered over the girl on the bed. 25

" Who are you?" she asked, rubbing her sleepy eyes that were still red and swollen from crying. 26

"I’m your aunt and I’m here to pick you up. Have you got your packing done?" the woman barked. 27

"Umm..No," the girl said, meekly. 28

"Well I suppose you get off that bed and get it done then. I don’t have all day and by the looks of things here it looks like you have been pampered a bit too much," the Aunt looked thoughtfully around the room for a moment. 29

"You know what?" She asked," I don’t think you’ll be needing anything from here, " the Aunt answered her own question. "I have plenty of stuff at my own house. You won't be needing much anyway." With one swift movement the Aunt had the girl by the arm and slid her off the bed. The girl tried to reach back to grab her bunny but was not quick enough. She was too scared to ask as she was lead out of her room; the only place that she had ever really known. 30

Again, when I next opened my eyes I found myself standing at the foot of the small bed with tears escaping my eyes asking myself why I was having all these visions. No sooner had the thought entered my mind and the visions raced endlessly. I could see the girl being drug from the house in the rain and tossed into the back a huge car. I could see her being drug into another house that seemed so dark and dreary, what she could see of it anyway, before being taken down a flight of stairs and locked in a little cement cell. I could see her rocking in the corner back and forth her tears falling to the cement floor but not penetrating enough to go anywhere. Her little heart broken and her soul bruised forever. I could see that same girl working her fingers to the bone scrubbing bathrooms and hallway floors. Washing mounds of dishes that towered above her head while other children ran about merrily playing with one another. She was lonely,  but she kept fond memories in her heart for the longest time. Her mother's face and the hope of her returning well moved her on from day to day in her now bleak existence. 31

When the visions finally stopped I walked over to the taller dresser where a picture sat. I picked up the picture and brushed the dust from the glass. It was a picture of the little girl and the woman. How beautiful they looked together lost in each other’s gaze. A beautiful moment caught in time. Tears began to stream even harder from my eyes as my heart felt like it was being ripped from my chest when I came to realize that little girl in my visions was me and the woman was my mother. My mother whom had supposedly died not long after I was drug away, but had actually remained alive until a few days previous to my being here in the first place. I didn’t know why I had been told she was dead. 32

"Hey, You ready up there!" I heard a voice bellow up the stairs. My Aunt no doubt, and I plucked a piece of paper from a pocket in my jeans. It was a song that I had written but had never knew why. Now that I knew I opened the back of the frame, placed the poem in behind the picture, replaced the back of the frame and put the picture back on the desk as I had found it. I ran to the doorway kicking up even more dust before my Aunt got angered, but before I left I turned and blew my mother a kiss good-bye. I knew in a few weeks her estate would be mine and I would be close to her again. 33

Momma And Me 34

The sun shines and it’s always on us 35

Life’s dance with Momma and me36

They tried to break that bond we share!37

It’s strong Momma can’t you see?38

I wait with the breath of the wind39

Just for us Momma and me40

In heaven I will meet you there41

How far away can you be? 42

{chorus} 43

Momma where are you44

why aren’t you here?45

I feel your presence46

I feel you near47

Why don’t you save me?48

Why leave me here?49

locked up in this fear50

your face it seems so clear51

Why’d you go away52

then disappear 53

leaving me behind54

holding the tear? 55

Can I glide to you on the clouds?56

One more time Momma and me57

Your smile in the rainbow58

the pretty colors are free!59

As we pirouette like angels60

through heaven's gate61

We must hurry to be ready62

We shan't be late,63

Momma and me 64

{chorus}65