D.i.d

D.I.D1

M.P.D. Multiple Personality Disorder, or as it is called now a days D.I.D. Dissociate Identity Disorder.  From my own experience, I have suffered with this disorder since the age of six. It wasn’t until my mid twenties that I realized I shared myself with other personalities. I like to refer to my other selves as my other personas. 2

There are myths that go with this disorder; one who suffers from it has no idea that these other personalities exists and they have no memories of what they do. Only to a certain extent have I found this myth to be half true. Although memory can be a bit shaky at times, giving time each personality can recall enough to finagle through a conservation.3

I can not speak of others who have this affliction. I believe each person expresses and deals with this affliction differently. For me, I believe it developed out of loneliness, from being locked up in a room for most of my childhood. Could it have been the verbal and physical abuse, the neglect and lack of attention? To a degree, I would say yes: however, I believe it was the loneliness I experienced as a child being  locked in a room with very little social contact and social growth. 4

The mind is born to interact with its surroundings, its environment and social mingling of both family and community. When the mind doesn’t have access to these mental needs and stimulations the minds imagination takes over and creates a metaphoric world that inhabits the thought process of the mind. Long periods of trauma and abuse shatter the spirit, but that broken spirit is still trapped inside the body. These shattered pieces of the spirit become anew, existing separate from each other, yet never truly out of thoughts reach, unless they are hiding or being ignored. 5

To me each personality is nothing more than a thought pattern existing on different mental and intellectual thought levels, that over time takes on responsibilities, characteristics and interests. How much time outside in control determines each personality’s potential and determination to maintain and to survive. The higher potential the more it has to contribute. 6

I believe from my experiences, that multiples cluster themselves in groups in order to ensure their survival. For us there is the clan of the hills, the younger generation, yet in reality are the oldest, who never grew up. Later came the valley, the grown ups, and in this valley, there are the clusters called the Menage of Rage,  the Spiritual Ones and the Protectors. For the clan there were the Ins and there were the Outs. Nearest I can figure, there have been about thirty-two personalities coexisting at one time. Presently it is down to fourteen. It makes me think of villages scattered about the paths of the mind, everyone sticking to their own settlements and the responsibilities that hold them there, unwilling to travel beyond the boundaries they can see, without fear finding them.  7

The clustering of personalities has its advantages; it helps with recalling events, each cluster works together to maintain the outside appearance of sanity. Only in sever times of stress does this method fail us. The disadvantage is if more than one in the clusters get to fighting for outside control or if the clusters themselves take to fighting each other for control. 8

It wasn’t until a year ago that one of my personas sought help from a counselor at the age of thirty-nine. That’s thirty-three years we had lived with this affliction, unspoken about and unnoticed by those around us. Without his help, there is no doubt in my mind that the number of personalities would still be growing, instead of shrinking. 9

The process of healing a torn spirit is patience and learning about yourself and other personalities, which some call aspects of self. In other words, it is stepping out of your comfort zone to mingle with those you never dared to in the past.  Doing so can also bring you to a personality others knew, but that you had never met before. It can turn anger into appreciation, resentment into understanding and inner friendship into stability.10

In essence, multiple personalities although it can feel like a curse is really the minds ability to survive un-normal circumstances, for which the mind wasn’t meant to endure. Can I one day see myself as one personality residing in this one body, No, I can’t because I hate being alone, but I love being all by myself.11