Voices

The wind on that sea front was bitterly cold, she could see her breath in front of her face as she inhaled the refreshing air that nature provided. The icy, heavy rain trickled down her face while she watched the sea down below. She gazed as the waves violently crashed against the cliff sides as if they were desperate to break through their rocky barriers…even something as vast and roaming as the sea isn’t free. Her mind was racing with all the things she had done. “It wasn’t my fault…it wasn’t my fault…”  The wind blew past her body and her long dark hair flowed behind in the movements of the wind. With one last look into the sunset her body fell effortlessly over the edge and cascaded onto the jagged rocks that were awaiting her at the bottom.1

************2

“Hey baby…look over there, see how beautiful the moon looks tonight?” Callum McClellan said softly as he wrapped his arms around his girlfriend Sara Dean. Callum smiled as Sara leaned back against his chest and gazed in to the night-time scenery at West – Mere Lake.  3

“These past ten months together have gone quickly haven’t they?” Sara’s voice just above a whisper so she would not disturb the wonderful noises of the quiet, yet fully active, night life. 4

“Yeah they have, happy anniversary….I love you.”  Callum hugged her tight and bent his head down to kiss her neck gently.5

“I love you too.”6

As the last of the energy from the fire slowly dimmed away for another day Sara kissed Callum goodnight while he slept. Sighing; she quietly crept out of the tent and sat on the log that had been placed just beside the glowing embers of the fading fire.7

“Do you really think he loves you Sara?”8

“Go away, of course Callum loves me…he tells me everyday that he does.”9

“It doesn’t take that much to say three small words and not mean them, he knows that if he keeps telling you it will keep you happy…after all who could really love anyone as pathetic as you?”10

“Stop lying to me! Stop trying to twist things, I’m happy…just leave me be and stop trying to ruin every ounce of happiness I ever have!”11

“I’m only trying to look out for you Sara; you know that I’m always right in the end.”12

“No you’re not!”13

Sara stopped silent as she heard Callum move from inside the tent, had she woke him? She turned away from looking towards the lake and watched the tent as Callum’s movements died down into a peaceful silence again.14

“Nearly woke him up that time didn’t you? Better keep the noise down or you’ll make him mad.”15

“Just leave me alone, I don’t need you.”16

“Oh I think you do Sara and I’ll always be here if you like it or not, you can’t get rid of me…you’re the one who let me in, I’m part of you now.”17

Sara put her hands over her ears to try and block out the invasive voice that had haunted her ever since she had been a young child. Sara had always called the person who owned the voice “Mattie” although she could not see him anymore nor did she know if that was his real name. She remembered when Mattie had first talked to her, she had been alone outside in her back garden.18

“You look lonely, what’s your name?”19

“My name is Sara, who are you?” Sara had only been about five or six years old when she was approached by this tall and dark haired boy on a hot and beautiful August morning. He had been dressed in slightly ripped jeans and a red hoodie that read “Gap” across the chest, he had also been wearing an old and rather worn looking pair of nikes and a navy blue cap. He looked about twelve or thirteen years old at the time, maybe a little bit younger…it was hard to tell, he always kept his face hidden.20

“Just call me Mattie…what are you doing?” His voice sounded as though he was a few yards away from Sara and not just next to her, she didn’t care though. She was lonely and was thankful for anyone who would play with her.21

“Nothing really, I’m just playing marbles.”22

“By yourself? That can’t be much fun, what about if I played with you?” Ever since then Sara had played with Mattie everyday. She never really had any real friends throughout her whole school life and Mattie was the only one who would talk to her and spend any real time with her. Problem was as the years went past Sara started to grow up and get more and more mature…as did Mattie. As the years went by Mattie seemed to get more and more transparent until, eventually, Sara couldn’t see her old childhood friend any longer…although she could still hear him. It seemed like he was always there now and he knew how to manipulate her, he knew how to get her to do everything he wanted.23

“Don’t forget that I was always the one who kept you company, if I hadn’t you would have remained that pathetic and lonely little child I found all those years ago in your back yard…face it Sara you do need me, you always will do. I’ve always looked after you and been there for you – you know that.”24

“I’m sorry Mattie…forgive me. You’re the only one I have ever been able to count on, the only one I can actually trust.”25

“I’ll forgive you if you prove to me that I mean more to you than that worthless piece of shit that is sleeping in that tent, you know deep down that he is only using you. In the end it will only be you that gets hurt…end it now before that can happen, if you don’t I can guarantee that he’ll break you.”26

“I can’t Mattie, what if he wakes up? What if someone finds out what I’ve done and they lock me away?”27

“Look Sara you aren’t listening to me! Just do what I say and you’ll be fine, I promise you that. No one will know it was you. All you need to do is take that carving knife that you keep in your backpack and stab him while he sleeps peacefully, he won’t even notice what you are doing.”28

Sara started to cry quietly in fear of what would happen if she did or didn’t do what Mattie told her. He had the capability to hurt her…he’d done it many times before and she had learnt her lesson about disobeying him all those years ago. Swiftly and quietly as possible she ran to find her backpack to bring out the carving knife which she carried around with her at all times by orders of Mattie. He told her that if she didn’t, the people that lived in the shadows could take her away at any moment they pleased and he couldn’t do anything about’ it., He said it was for her own safety and he knew what was best for her. The large, silver blade glistened as the soft moonlight hit the smooth and clean surfaces of the knife, Sara smiled. Maybe Mattie was right, maybe this was for the best.29

“Of course it’s for the best Sara, trust me; I was right about you Mother wasn’t I? I told you that whore never cared about you and we taught her a lesson didn’t we? Everything was ok then, this isn’t any different from last time…it will be just as easy so stop worrying and just believe what I say as the truth.”30

He was right. Mattie had told Sara that her Mother only really cared about all the male visitors she had over nearly every day. At night she had been able to hear them together in her bedroom, Sara had always just been a burden…something that had always been tossed aside because she was in the way of her Mother’s love life. When Sara was ten Mattie had persuaded her that it was time her Mother learnt a lesson for all the sins she committed while her daughter was neglected and deprived of the love that she truly deserved. One night when her male friend had left in the early hours of the morning Sara took a knife from the kitchen, the one that her Mother used to cut the turkey at Christmas. She crept into the bedroom where she found her Mother sat on the side of her silk covered bed, smoking a cigarette.31

“Sara what are you doing up? Its 2am for Christ’s sake get back to bed.”32

“No Mother, I’m sick of you tossing me aside, ignoring me and telling me to go away. You’re meant to love me Mother but you don’t, not like a real Mother should love her daughter.”33

“Go back to bed or you will regret it young lady, don’t try my patience.”34

“No! I’ve told you already. I’m sick of you not caring about me you fucking whore! Its time you learnt a lesson for the sins you commit every night in this very room. You’re worthless, the world would be better off without you, you fucking piece of shit. You’ve never loved me I just get in the way of all the “fun” you get up to with your lovers. You’re disgusting, do you know that? I hate you Mother.” 35

Without thinking anymore about what she was about to do Sara pulled out the knife that she was holding onto tightly in her small gloved hand while concealing it behind her back. She thrust it deep inside her Mother’s abdomen and then again in her chest. Over and over she plunged that razor sharp weapon of butchery into her Mother’s pale and colourless skin until her body lay across the bed as still and as motionless as a rag doll. Deep red stained the once baby blue and white satin sheets and the dark bloody liquid ran down the knife blade and dripped onto the floor.36

“Drop the knife and hide the gloves. After you’ve done that take the phone into the closet, lock yourself in and call the police. You’ll be ok as long as you don’t come out of that closet until the police tell you to.”37

Sara could still her Mother’s screams echo around inside her head every time Mattie made her remember that night. The police came and opened a murder inquiry but it didn’t take long for them to take Paul Prescott (her Mother’s lover for that night) to court over the murder of Rhiannon Dean (Sara’s Mother), witnesses had seen Paul leaving the house round about the time of the murder. Sara was sent to live with her Father in Nottingham, England. 38

“Remember it Sara? It was ok; it will be this time as well.”39

Mattie’s voice resounded in her head as she made her way into the tent where her boyfriend was sleeping. She bent down to kiss his head40

“Forgive me but it's for the best, I know you will only hurt me if I let you live and I can’t let that happen.” She whispered softly before she violently stabbed her knife into Callum. She stopped for a moment as he coughed and looked at her weakly.41

“What are you doing? I love you…”  That was the last thing Callum ever said to Sara.42

“Stab him Sara! Stab him, you have to finish the job now”43

As if Sara had lost control of all her emotions and all her feelings she ploughed that blade deep inside Callum for the second time and then a third and then a fourth…until no more sounds came from his lifeless and perfectly dead body. Looking down at her boyfriend’s corpse Sara started to cry, it was as if she had just suddenly snapped out of a terrible dream and woken up to find out it was a reality.44

“No…Callum, what have I done? What have I done?” She whispered as she pulled out the knife and lay it down on the ground. She kissed his cheek as her tears dripped onto his skin. “I’m sorry, I love you, I’m so sorry.”45

Sara looked up from Callum and pulled herself away from his body.46

“Look what you made me do Mattie, why did you make me do that? The only person in this life who has ever truly loved me and you told me it wasn’t true. I was killing him and he still said that he loved me! You were wrong Matt…you were so wrong.”47

“I’m the only person who cares about you Sara, I’m the only one who will ever truly love you.”48

“Stop lying Mattie, you just want to hurt me.”49

Sara got up and ran out of the tent desperately trying to escape Mattie’s voice, to escape his lies and deceit.50

“You know you can’t run from me…” Mattie’s voice repeated inside her head, Sara paid no notice…she only wanted this to end, she had nothing left and it was all Mattie’s fault. The sea wasn’t far away from the lake, it was only across the dark purple moor of heather. Bare footed, Sara ran out of the clearing where she and Callum had set up camp and into the dark and empty moor. The heather tore at her feet as she ran. The physical pain was something that Sara could no longer feel, it was the emotional pain that was killing her off, the betrayal, the loneliness…the emptiness. The sound of the waves crashing against that cliff edge was getting louder as it began to scrape its way through the quiet atmosphere. In no time Sara was standing at the very edge of the cliff. The wind on that sea front was bitterly cold, she could see her breath in front of her face as she inhaled the refreshing air that nature provided. The icy, heavy rain trickled down her face while she watched the sea down below. She gazed as the waves violently crashed against the cliffsides as if they were desperate to break through their rocky barriers…even something as vast and roaming as the sea isn’t free. Her mind was racing relentlessly and Mattie calling her, haunting her.51

“LEAVE ME ALONE” she screamed out in her desperation. “It wasn’t my fault…it wasn’t my fault…” She sobbed pathetically and pitiably.52

The wind blew past her body and her long dark hair flowed behind in the movements of the wind. With one last look into the sunset her body fell effortlessly over the edge and cascaded onto the jagged rocks that were awaiting her at the bottom.53