SAND1
Sand blew across the desert in piercing torrents. The lone figure stumbled with barely enduring pace in the endless yellow sea, finally collapsing into a mindless heap. For what could have been days, or perhaps only hours, no signs of movement emulated from the pile. Then, the once lifeless hand flinched with the pain of millions of sand grains slamming into it.2
'Where am I?' the delirious mind wondered as it fought to remember past events. As it triumphed, visions of stormed across the barren consciousness, which lacked even an identity.3
The plane shuddered. Passengers screamed. The plane dove. The stewardess stood in the fore-cabin saying something meaningless. Then it happened. A violent lurch rocked the craft as blackness spread throughout.4
The blackness cleared. Flames leapt. Pieces of obliterated bodies littered the smoking hulk of the devastated craft. The foul fumes of burning fuel lingered in the air. The longing for protection, the urge to find safety lurched into the foreground of consciousness.5
The mind quickened. Death was near. The mind knew. As this idea permeated, it wondered about the absence of pain. Reality passed. Ecstasy filled the void. Water soothed the mind. The mind drank. The water vanished and darkness took hold. The darkness filled the mind, then pushed past its limits. Expanding into the body, the darkness halted at nothing until every cell was filled.6
The torrents continued. The ripping sand feasted on the body left behind. When they were satisfied, the torrents stopped. The storm was over. No sign of the mind or body was left. They were no more.7
(9-1-1986)8
Author notes
This is something I wrote long ago, in high school...
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
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Jo!
Thank you so much for reading this... This was written in 1986 for my English class. The "donut lady" scanned in some of my work that she kept and I had forgotten about... Yes, it must be true love...
I appreciate your kind comments immensely. Since I have begun writing again, it has been wonderful to hear your comments. It is encouraging beyond what I can truly express. Thanks for your support! Any critique from you is welcome and I especially appreciate encouragement from someone of your class and talent!
THANK YOU!
DocCop -
you had and apparently still have tremendous talent since high school. I have no idea your age, but this poem reminded me to a plane crash in 1996 when a plane from JFK was said to overrun the runway and landed into Long Island Sound. there were eye witness reports/rumors at the time that a naval base in the area was test-exploding weapons which struck the plane down. in any event, there were no survivors of the crash and days and weeks later items from luggage and the victims and the plane washed up on shore.
there's a tremendous capacity for not only relaying a story, but also including a part of poetry in conveying. Just three words alone..."the mind drank." it's just a powerful image in the reader's mind that feels everything is futile. this is only as one example. there are many examples of this throughout your write.
as far as expanding on this image "story-prose" piece, I really wouldn't. if you want to come back to it to revisit it at anytime, start it as a brand-new write continuation, but don't tamper with this ending. it feels to be "precious" and somehow has found its epithany, its peace and resolution. any further "tinkering" would only destroy what you've already laid here.
really an excellent piece of writing, and I'm happy I've come to read this...
Jo -
Thanks, meena! I will revisit this one day and expend on it.
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It's like a scene from a movie. I could picture the lone figure stumbling and the littered bodies..well done with this write. I feel you can develop this into a longer story and it will be fantastic. All the ingredients are in it already. Nonethless, I enjoyed it. Take care~
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