I was inexplicably both drawn to and repelled by his keen observational skills for he had a knack for drawing out the best and the worst in a person, while remaining enigmatic himself. It was some unnatural glint in his steel blue eyes, ones sharp enough to seem chiseled from ice, that cut into parts of me that I couldn't identify, much less shield.2
Perhaps there was something sinister in the thin-lipped grin he shot me, but my wounds were cauterized- and for a minute moment I felt truly alive, enough that I could taste the plasma coating my eyeteeth. The taste of pennies, not at all like wine, too harsh to be palatable under any other circumstances.3
"I had a choice, you know," he pronounced carefully in a monotone.4
I wanted so badly to reply, but I found I could not speak. Was it the ambivalent gaze that muted me? Desire and ability being two different things, I struggled to swallow. I winced at the burning sensation tearing its way down to my bilious gut. My sight grew blurry with tears and I will them not to fall as I gathered strength to look upon him.5
Oh, he was a beauty, more so than the brooding folk I usually encountered. His face no more resembled a Greek god than a steel girder but the perfection was enough to drive anyone mad. 6
It didn't take much to resist the urge to leap up and tear into that visage with my nails. Still, the image of my weakened hands wreaking havoc on the most handsome part of him snuck a slight grin onto my dirty face. He must have noticed, for he came hard and quick. In a frightening instant, he was breathing down my nose. I could see pearly points poking out from his pouting lips. 7
But quick to anger is also quick to love. 8
I tilted my chin up ever so slightly, and lowered my lids- expecting an aggressive kiss, or at worst, a bite.9
The slap was a shock.10
Quick to anger, I said to myself, but perhaps not so quick to love.11
My cheek didn't sting, for I was numbed beyond recovery at this point. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying not to react to the fluttering his hot breath caused them. 12
Let me go, I pleaded silently. Just let me go.13
"I had a choice. Now you have a choice." he stepped back.14
"It matters nothing to me what choice you make, or how you make it. But you will have to choose and it would be in your best interest to do so quickly. I will not endure hesitation."15
I tried to rise, the cold cinderblock wall that scraping my back and tugging at my sweat-knotted hair.16
One of his nimble hands reached out to pull me up. I grasped it weakly and he tugged me to standing.17
Face to face, his eyes were hypnotizing, his breath was stimulating. His nostrils flared; he smelled my lust.18
Suddenly his free hand was at my waist, pulling me even closer. I felt dizzy and leaned against his small but sturdy frame.19
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~20
I awoke to a floating sensation in my body and head. I thought for a moment I was dying, until I tried to move.21
My hands were bound to the headboard so I couldn't push myself up. I stretched my sore neck to look at my feet, and spied the leather restraints wrapped around my ankles.22
Terrified, I looked around. My panicked gaze was met with a cold blue one.23
"Oh good, you're awake. Now perhaps I can persuade you to stay."24
He held out a glass of dark green liquid that smelled of licorice, but my stomach threatened to mutiny so I pursed my lips and turned my head. He tipped the glass back and drained it in a single gulp, then set it carefully out of sight.25
"You're going to get thirsty" he said, and my paranoid mind inferred a threat.26
My throat was dry, so I used my eyes to plead. For what, I didn't know.27
He sighed, "You're so beautiful when you're scared."28
He stood, and his sapphire silk robe fell open to reveal his phallic secret. I willed my eyes to rise but the drop of precum on the head glistened like a charm.29
"I'll only take you willingly" he whispered, bending down to release my feet. 30
I wiggled them a bit, and he wrapped his long fingers around my ankles to gently massage the marks left by the straps. 31
The relief, coupled with his touch, was almost arousing. He turned back to untie my hands and rub my wrists. They tingled as he slowly brought them down to my sides.32
Without another word, he turned and strode out the door, his open robe billowing like a cape.33
I shook the numbness out my hands and propped myself up on my elbows to have a look around. Although it had to be nighttime behind the maroon curtains, the chandelier provided a warm glow like dusk in the summer. Ornately carved wooden doors hid what probably was a walk-in closet. Floorboards in a darker glossier finish stretched diagonally across the large room. The black silk sheets beneath my hands felt so... naughty... and as I shook my head to clear those thoughts, his form appeared in the doorway.34
I snuck a glance below his waist, only to discover his robe tied up, but bulging. My fingers began to twitch; they wanted to touch what lay beneath. Not just the lumber but the rest of the land. I wanted to twirl his ebony tinted hair and lick the pink peaks on his chest...35
I sat up and crossed my legs as he crossed the room, holding something out for me.36
"It's just water. Drink it slowly."37
I reached out with a shaky hand and nearly dropped the tumbler. A bit of frigid water landed on my thigh and I shivered. With one hand he tilted the tumbler towards my lips so I could drink. With the other, he wiped the water with the corner of his robe.38
I shivered again, this time from the jolt of heat his touch sparked. His fingertips brushed mine as he lowered the tumbler from my lips.39
I closed my eyes and tried to relax, the chill fading slowly down my throat. Already I felt better, but I wanted to get away from his intoxicating influence before I ended up regretting anything.40
"More?" he asked, chilling my lips once more with a trickle of icewater. 41
I sipped and swallowed, then opened my eyes. For a moment I thought I saw a hint of sadness, as if he could read my thoughts.42
Impossible, I thought.43
A hint of a grin replaced the one of sadness. Ice rattled in the tumbler and startled both of us. He walked over to the ornate doors, pausing to set the tumbler on a small round table near the door. He swung the doors open wide, and chose a chenille robe to match his. He tossed it casually in my direction, and it landed at the foot of the bed. I crept forward to retrieve it. 44
He watched me put it on, barely hiding his desire, so I went slower. He seemed to glide across the glossy floor to my side. As he expertly tied the sash, he leaned in to say "If you're hungry, I can cook."45
My stomach flipped, though not in response to his spoken invitation. I stared at him for a moment, then spoke.46
"I don't want to play this game anymore."47
I swear, at that instant, his bold blue eyes turned black. I'd challenged him and he knew it. I had only a fleeting feeling of terror as my backside met the bed, and I felt him tug at my robe.48
I moaned "no" in half protest and he stopped. His shoulders sagged, and he sighed. When he said he wouldn't force me, he'd meant it. Just as he began to push himself away from me, I reached for the tie on his robe, and missed. My fingers wrapped around his silk-draped dick, and he gasped.49
"Persuade me," I growled while running my free hand through his jet black waves.50
Our lips mingled, our tongues tangled, our pulses quickened.51
And I was convinced.52
Author notes
I have no idea.
AS ALWAYS, GENUINE CRITIQUES INVITED & APPRECIATED!
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
-
Well I make references to blood in her mouth (not at all like wine) and his eyeteeth poking out from his lips- those are in the beginning- but the line about not wanting to play the game means they're role playing vampire style.
-
I loved all the metaphors in this story and you have quite a vivid imagination. I did not see much horror in this unless like maybe he was Dracula or something...and the fact that you don't know what will happen next is kind of scary. Good luck
-
If you have specific examples of punctuation you think needs changed, please LMK.
-
Though not as explicit as I usually like (I tend to run right into the realm of Perv when it comes to my Adult/Erotica tastes) this was a tasty little piece. It totally drew me into a sensual, kinky web of fear and desire. I just wish you would have continued to give me what I was sitting on the edge of my seat waiting for because this has all the ingredients to make the kind of erotic piece I truly enjoy. I can't tolerate flowers and romance, I like colder, kinkier pieces that simmer just the same. Something like that, and this has all of those elements. I am hosting a contest right now where your style, if you could make it a little more explicit, would totally fit in. This is just the kind of thing I am wanting. And no, not trolling or spamming you, just rambling like I always do. Well done piece here, I did enjoy it.
-
hey im waiting to read more of the story. its really good.
-
good
a nice write, definitely smacking of Interview With the Vampire "I'm going to give you the choice I never had." Oh well, they say there are no truly new ideas, just ways of rewording them based on our own perspectives. Punctuation could use a little work, but other than that, not a bad read. -
They say always leave the reader wanting more, and this certainly delivers on that point! Wonderfully vivid descriptions and a tantalising story line that only reveals enough of itself to tease. I'd love to read more of this
Kat xxx -
this is very good. a nice beginning to a good story. i cant wait to read the rest. good job. i think this particular story will turn out great.
-
i am drawn to the language in this. i loved it.
"The taste of pennies, not at all like wine, too harsh to be palatable under any other circumstances."
that line, in particular, i think, was my favourite. it stuck out and caught me. i had to read it over again.
aside from the language, this also had a very unique scene sense that i liked. anne rice-esque, only better (because i hate her writing style)
overall, i must say i liked it.
-
I like the extension you have done i cant wait to see more of it! and thanks for the comment on touches.
-
Could almost be a partial description of a rape... interesting
-
fantastic write keep it up!! GOOD LUCK...Linda
-
Speechless, sincerely speechless. After the first paragraph or so I was like WOWOWOWOWOW...... Not that much tho thats a little over exagerated. It was so descriptive ans the word choice was awesome. Now I know why you are on my favorites list.
~Laura -
The first two paragraphs were written pretty much by hand in my artistic flow, the rest I am resculpting as I write
-
Once again, I'm left awed. You have such a way of description. It has that dark quasi-humorous yet stylish appeal that attacts me to your writings every time. The ending seems a little disconnected with the flow of the beginning, but this is acceptable considering it is a work in progress. Thus far, GREAT JOB!
-
A good opening.....Keep up working on that.Looking forward to reading the rest of it.
-
That's not an ending this is an introduction to a story, and it's a work in progress. Please check back occassionally for updates
-
I liked it, I enjoyed the descriptions, and ive felt this before so i understand where you are coming from.
-
This is really great, but maybe you could work on the ending a bit. I liked the "steel blue eyes" description, thats good. But maybe you could add to this.
-
Very visual description. You also give us a pretty clear personality impression of the person. I loved the first line. It is a great lead in for the rest of the piece.
-
hmm.unsure...lol good..!
-
seems like a good openign description!









