Dear You,1
When I am 16, I’m leaving.2
Who actually wants to be around this hell hole any longer?3
This isn’t just a teenage hate of parents it’s more than that and it’s not even hate it’s pity or just plain emptiness. I feel nothing.4
But leaving is the best thing I can do to maintain my sanity.5
This is more than anything, more than anything I could ever write down.6
My childhood is full of bad memories, everything that doesn’t represent happiness.7
Watching the argument today was just… unreal it’s not that it was shocking for me I just can’t remember what I felt.8
I didn’t feel guilty in fact you could say I felt a little but happy, in my black little heart you could see a light – finally it was my chance to get though. My mother was feeling what I have felt my entire life. My mother was crying. They crying didn’t give me satisfaction. No I’m not that sick.9
So everything’s sorted is it? Not my feeling everything feels so surreal, and now would be the chance to say I know what you’re feeling because I feel it all the time. But it seems selfish. Kinda funny after all the things I’ve said but I still don’t want to hurt people after what they have done to me. But like I said when I’m 16, I’m off. I need a life away from this. The sad thing is they cannot see what they are doing to me, and not just me my little brother. People change because of what they see and I fear for my little brother. How does he feel about everything that’s gone on throughout out childhood? Me and him being less than two years apart, we’re still teenagers. 10
But fuck it because no one cares.11
This isn’t anger it’s something beyond or less, this isn’t sadness either.12
This has got so bad that I don’t even know what I’m feeling, and I’ll wake up tomorrow and act like nothing ever happened.13
But I refuse to let this stop me, I won’t lie and say that none of this hurts because it does and if I ever say something bitter to anyone it’s a result of this and just my normal personality. 14
But this won’t stop me, there are so many things I want to achieve and so many things that I will.15
Whether I have to do that alone is the question. But whatever I do, it’s always going to be me that counts. I’m always going to make me number 1.16
Sandra 17
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Author notes
#6
Originally I wanted to join this contest then I didn't, then something happened last night so I wrote this letter for me but now I've decided to enter the contest.
Not very emotional in a sense, I mean it doesn't make you cry but it's from my heart.
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Thank you very much and it's no problem.
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I see a lot of confusion in this. Your feelings must have been completely up in the air when you were writing. It's good that you got them down on paper. Thank you for writing for the contest, and sorry for taking so long to comment.
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Thank you so much for your comment, I can't believe you left home at 15 how do you cope by yourself? Thank you so much for all you've said, it really made me smile to read it.
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This is fantastic. You've expressed so much emotion into this letter and even though there doesn't seem to be any technical scheme to it, it flows flawlessly. Just remember to hold on, I was in a situation similar to yours and I left home this year a few months after my fifteenth. I know I'll never be close to my father, especially, but I'm thankful because I've learnt how to do things by myself, I live my own life and I've learnt not to take shit from anyone. You seem to be kind of expressing this idea in the last few lines of your letter ('I'm always going to make me number one"), so you've probably got that already In saying that though, something I've learnt is you can't blame others or give them a lesser chance in getting to know you because of your relationship with your parents. Friends can be the best things in the world - don't be scared to let them know the real you
God bless and keep looking after youself,
-Ava xox -
i felt bout the same around that age hope things get better
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Oh my, I don't know if I'm just reading it wrong but when I say leave I mean leave my house. I don't know where I will go but I'll figure it out. And you're right maybe when I'm 16 things will be better. Everyone deserves a friend like you Vicki, no matter how far away you are you will always remain in my heart and on my mind. I hope we remain friends forever and one day I hope to meet you.
I love you sooooooo much. -
Amazing!!!
Wow, this letter had so many emotions in it. Some of it was what I expected it to have, and at other times it was a surprise. Most of the things written in here, I find I can relate to so well. When I try and think back to my childhood, it seems like an empty memory. It feels like my childhood left me with nothing good worth remembering. Yet, right now it feels like my life is such a disaster that I wish I could go back to being a child so I wouldn't have to feel the way I do now. I know I'm constantly wishing I could go back into the time and edit all the mistakes I've made. Erase all the pain that molded who I am now. But sadly, thats impossible. Back to your letter...I know things may seemed f*cked up right now, but do you really think that things would remain the same at 16? If you leave, where will you go? I don't want to see you leave. Life would be so dark without your presence. I know at times it may seem that no one truly cares, but I do. Believe it or not, you're one of the greatest friends I've ever had. Everything about you make you unique and beautiful. I know you believe that you should live life for yourself, and not for anyone else. As for me, for a while I was confused why I was still here. Wondering why I didn't just cease my life to rid all of the pain I felt. Then you came along, and the bad times in my life didn't seem to be so bad. I felt like I had someone I could depend on, someone who brightened my day. Someone who actually gave a damn and even took the time to mention me in their xanga. If I had one wish, I'd wish that everyone could have a friend just like you. And I mean that with all of my heart. Life would not be the same without you in it <333 -TV Whatever you may decide to do for your future, even if that does include leaving, I hope that we will remain be the best of friends till the end
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