Cut!

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       “Cut!” Shouted the director, lowering his bull horn with impatience. “Okay people, refresh the food. Actors, see me in the conference room in ten minutes.” 5

“What do you think is THEIR problem?” asked Ann impatiently. 6

“I imagine they don’t feel your tone is suitably loving, my dear,” Christopher mused, sotto voce. “I don’t know,” he said aloud. 7

Ann gave him a pointed look, but had no time for more than a loud “Humph” before preceding her co-star into the conference room. 8

“Sit down, please. Now then, can you tell me why we are here?” John, the director asked of the two actors. 9

“The set is all wrong,” Ann responded in her rapid fire, aggressive way. “The bloodied, raw rump roast makes me want to gag and is entirely wrong for this commercial. How am I supposed to look happy, in love, and proud of the product’s success when I want to throw up?” 10

“So let me get this straight: You want us to use, what, vegetables instead of meat? Is that what you’re saying?” John asked seriously. 11

“It isn’t the meat! For God’s sake, the woman cannot act. Get someone else,” Christopher exclaimed, indignant. 12

“You’re the one who can’t act, Sir. And yes, I do think that’s what would help sell the product. I mean, you can’t seriously expect consumers to buy an anti-constipation pill, then go and eat bloody, raw—and I mean raw—prime rib, directly after a visit from the bathroom? Everyone knows that meat is contraindicated; the vegetables are what will do the trick.” The men stared at Ann incredulously, as she rifled in her purse for her compact. 13

“Fine. We will substitute vegetables for the prime rib. However, I expect to wrap in one take. Okay, Ann?” John kept a straight face while speaking only with effort. As she left the room, he smiled. Looking over at Christopher, he saw the older man shaking with suppressed laughter. 14

“One take, eh, Mr. Director? No problem. Unless, that is, she decides to complain about the smell of my aftershave?” Christopher laughed out loud, heading back to the set.15

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“Cut! Thank you people. That’s a wrap.” Shaking his head and smiling, John would be damned before he’d admit how great the shot was. Ann came to life before his eyes in the presence of the vegetables. Ah well, he thought, at least no one would ever know of his ‘rump’ roast joke; a joke that went straight down the toilet. 18