Chapter One:1
The waves eternally come and go, ebbing away and returning. A strong rock can weather it for only so long before it begins to crumble, and so the city was this way. Upright and strong, tall spires piercing into the sky, pulsing with a soft light. It was a picture of radiant beauty and majesty. Simplicity and elegance in its purest form. Archaic language covered the leaning walls, covered the ancient legend of old…covered the life living in the shadowed ruins. But there was nothing other than the bleak form of nothingness, the powerful sense of loss that enveloped this place in an eternal gleam of sorrow. Beauty that faded with each rising and falling of the sun, but never seeming to lose the ancient writings. The secrets had been long lost, the secrets of what the writing held, and none save the few that had learned to live in this place held the key to unlocking the city of lost souls…Atlantis, never to rise from the ashes as past phoenixes had…never to rise from the flaming fiery doom that cascaded over the walls so long ago. Atlantis, the last city they had ever been to, and the city most had died in and the very few that had survived refused to call this strange new place home.2
The first kings had strived so hard to built a nation worthy of remembering, worthy of being put into the text books of their people even when they had long passed, and even though they had succeeded, their eternal nation had fallen to the weakness that all great nations in their day had come to; arrogance and foolishness, the pride of thinking that led men to their death, that made them think the world could not live without them. Reality was the farthest thing from his mind, warfare the closest. His whole bloodline had become increasingly plagued with arrogance and want for war, and their peaceful ways that past kings had clung to had faded. War was his only idea, and the only thing he cared about from it was riches and plunder, loot to build on his power. The textbooks lay long forgotten in sullen heaps, pages ripped and torn. Knowledge that had been handed down from generation to generation obscured, no longer to be seen nor held by any hand other than the scholar. Yet loss of knowing how to read the ancient script had fallen with the death of the queen. Only she had been able to handle the books of ancient knowledge, but the tsunami and earthquakes that had struck the city and torn it to pieces had killed her.3
Nothing was left for them, except to sit and brood, awaiting the day that somehow their race would be revived and they would become a great nation once more. Because of his folly and arrogance, the king suffered through the long ages with a guilt-stricken heart as the years continued to eat at him.4
In the silence of the morning, everything held a certain beauty to it. The narrow path, winding up the side of the hill and seeming to mold to ever gentle rise and fall, was covered with a layer of dust that the wind never seemed to be capable of lifting. Tall trees rose to either side, towering high, with branches woven together in an intricate jumble, shading the sky. Thin glimmers of sunshine played among the branches, toying with shadows that shifted with the subtle movements of the sun as time progressed.5
Branches woven of rope lined the trees, covered with vines. The fraying ropes barely held it together, but the vines helped it to hold strong, and had, indeed, for over a century, as small bare-feet hammered across it. Small children vaulted into the sky, garments clinging to their dark skin as they soared through the treetops. Their voice were lost in the hush of silence, but still they shrieked, darting in and out of the arms of their parents, playing games of tag and primitive football.6
White hair braided and slung over her shoulder, her strong gaze passed wearily over the land. Restless to begin a new life, children scrambled over each other, shouting as they chased each other over the bridge, darting in and out of the trees. Every life had a song to it, a gentle cadence and rhythm that echoed through her ears, humming gently. It was a tune not unlike the one she heard from the stars at not, and so alike that of the wind that the two seemed to meld together in a form of glorious harmony.7
"Where were we once, before we came to this place to live?" Her soft murmur was lost in the creaking of the branches as the wind tore past it. Eyes closed wearily, she tried to block out the noise of day. She sensed something was about to arise from the depths of time, an evil that would plague their society if nothing was done to stop it. Shaking her head, she sunk into a deep stupor.8
Wild red tresses framing a porcelain-like face, Kayeme paced after her mother, cheeks flaming red with hot anger and a sprinkle of embarrassment. The welts across her arms stung, the hot memory of the stick bringing stinging tears to her eyes. Their laughter hurt, slicing more deeply than a knife through her heart. Friends that had cared, once, friends that had stayed beside her, had laughed ruthlessly, mercilessly, without a care of what she would feel. Her mother had not cared; Kayeme had refused to shed tears, and tears had been what the old hag wanted more than anything.9
"Do not do that again!" Her mother's harsh rebuke doubled her pain. Blinking against tears that sprang to her eyes, she stared at the ground, vision blurry. Kayeme had done nothing, but the old hag would not listen, and did not care, most likely. To see Kayeme cry was what she wanted more than anything.10
Cruelty was not part of their society, but this woman was the one exception. Some said it was because of the tragedy she had gone through so long ago, the tragedy of seeing the great city ripped apart piece by piece, of seeing every single family member ripped apart by flames and drowned by smothering water, that had made her so irritable and dis-likable. But still, nothing could be done about her. They had no way of getting rid of lawbreakers, because their were no laws, and nobody to see that their ways were kept.11
She had merely voiced her opinion, and yet the hag had punished her. Why?, struggling to control her temper, struggling to control the tears, she repeated it over and over in her mind. Following her mother up the stairs, she bit back the deep longing sigh that came from her lips. To be rid of this eternal torture would be one of the best things in the world.12
Ignoring that cold gaze, she forced her stare to linger back to the huddle of laughing children. Heartless, cruel, they seemed now when thrown into such a light. Why would they laugh? The sting of the flexible branch as it whipped across her skin did not carve as deeply as the laughs, but it heart still. The face of Lausheya, who had once sworn to always be her friend, to take up for her when someone spread rumors, was among the face, not caring if her friend cried at all, only wishing to join the crowd.13
The bridge creaked as her mother whirled around in anger, face dark and clouded. "Do not say that again! Never!" It was unusual for one of them to raise their voice, and even the old hag had not ever done it. Surprised faces met Kayeme's eyes, surprise that she should even shout like that.14
As she was reaching for her stick again, a strong, steady hand rose up to intercept the blow. Staring at the wise ruler, who had not even flinched at the powerful sting of it, she felt oddly calm. Here was somebody that had power to end the torture, power to do what she wanted, but not so much power that their fate would be those of their ancestors. 15
"You will not strike anybody again, U'itha. Leave this place, for you have done a crime that no amount of good deeds could heal. Leave this place. You do not belong here any longer, and your old name and life is stripped from you. Leave." The words shocked Kayeme, and she was surprised to feel a happiness at the sight of U'itha, her own mother, whirling around and storming out. The silence that greeted her ears was more frightening than anything, even the ruthless expression on the ruler's face as she watched the back disappear up the path.16
Stars gleamed down with a faint, inky silver fluidity, dusted lightly across the vast expanse of sky. Teasingly, the wind stroked the scraggly trees softly, shaking them viciously. 17
~More to come soon!~ Also, note that none of this is probably factual. Just fiction.~ And I hoped you enjoyed the beginning of the first chapter!18
Author notes
Comment honestly, please!
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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yeah...I did. I'll soon be working on this more, but I'm trying to research a little more on Atlantis to make it seem a bit more realistic. I've found enough to know they, if they existed, were peaceful people but as far as that don't know much more...well, thanks! glad you liked it!
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wow. that was a great piece of yours. i would like to read more of what you have written! this was very expressive and meaningful. i can tell you put alot of effort and thought into this one. good job! keep writing~
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First off, the guy who did this:
"I liked thjat one part:
The waves eternally come and go, ebbing away and returning. A strong rock can weather it for only so long before it begins to crumble, and so the city was this way. Upright and strong, tall spires sticking into the sky, pulsing with a soft light, it was picture of radiant beauty and majesty. Simplicity and elegance in its simplest form. Archaic language covered the leaning walls, covered the ancient legend of old…covered the life that might be living in the very depths of it. But there was nothing other than the bleak form of nothingness, the powerful sense of loss that enveloped this place in an eternal gleam of sorrow. Beauty that faded with each rising and falling of the sun, but never seeming to lose the ancient writings. The secrets had been long lost, the secrets of what the writing held, and none save the few that had learned to live in this place held the key to unlocking the city of lost souls…Atlantis, never to rise from the ashes as past phoenixes had…never to rise from the flaming fiery doom that cascaded over the walls so long ago. Atlantis, the last city they had ever been to, and the city most had died in and the very few that had survived refused to call this strange new place home.
How it says:
The waves eternally come and go, ebbing away and returning. A strong rock can weather it for only so long before it begins to crumble, and so the city was this way. Upright and strong, tall spires sticking into the sky, pulsing with a soft light, it was picture of radiant beauty and majesty. Simplicity and elegance in its simplest form. Archaic language covered the leaning walls, covered the ancient legend of old…covered the life that might be living in the very depths of it. But there was nothing other than the bleak form of nothingness, the powerful sense of loss that enveloped this place in an eternal gleam of sorrow. Beauty that faded with each rising and falling of the sun, but never seeming to lose the ancient writings. The secrets had been long lost, the secrets of what the writing held, and none save the few that had learned to live in this place held the key to unlocking the city of lost souls…Atlantis, never to rise from the ashes as past phoenixes had…never to rise from the flaming fiery doom that cascaded over the walls so long ago. Atlantis, the last city they had ever been to, and the city most had died in and the very few that had survived refused to call this strange new place home.
Thats really cool."
was really dumb, why would he do that for points.. now onward to a more on subject comment. I enjoyed this story a lot it was great, I think you should definitely continue this peice and see what it evolves into. Again this was great,
-Khrei
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thanks very much! glad you liked it!
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Oh my gosh that was a good story, you should write more chapters... I'm craving it now... so good. Stares into the sky and hopes to be as good as that one day I should read more of ur stories cause they're like super good. Yeah, though there are those words that use use more than once around in the same area, but seriously the whole thing is super good. I'm getting a ton of expirience reading ur work, so don't stop... please don't stop I mean!!! Thanx for writing!!!
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fantasy story or history? I'm not sure. Most likely fantasy story but I'm still trying to decide. Probably mostly fantasy with just a small slice of history.
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Oh and by the way, is this going to be like a fantasy story, or is it just the history of Atlantis? Like are you going to have awesome characters and stuff?
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Of course
Keep it coming quickly or I'll forget about it! 
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okay...yeah more is coming! yeah, those things could be improved upon, huh? I'll continue it, though. I've got a lot of plans for this. Thanks for the comment, and adding me to your favorites!
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Wowie fantastic job. Great, super story. There are some things you could do to improve though and I'll point those out. "tall spires sticking into the sky", instead of putting "sticking" I think you should use something more descriptive. Like "ripping" maybe. To show more elegance you know? "arrogance and foolishness" and "plagued with arrogance" both use the word "arrogance"; I think it would be better if you tried a new word in one of those places. Maybe "greed and foolishness". "their peaceful ways" might sound better if it was "the peaceful ways". "their peaceful ways" kind of clashes with the rest of the sentence. Definitely continue this story, I enjoyed it very much. You paint pictures better than I do glare . I'll add you to my favourites, but I expect more, so no slacking!
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thanks. glad you liked it. I bet you got a lot of points for that, huh? I bet you just did that to get some, LOL. Yeah...I bet you did get a lot of points for that. Thanks for the comment, and glad you liked it!
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I liked thjat one part:
The waves eternally come and go, ebbing away and returning. A strong rock can weather it for only so long before it begins to crumble, and so the city was this way. Upright and strong, tall spires sticking into the sky, pulsing with a soft light, it was picture of radiant beauty and majesty. Simplicity and elegance in its simplest form. Archaic language covered the leaning walls, covered the ancient legend of old…covered the life that might be living in the very depths of it. But there was nothing other than the bleak form of nothingness, the powerful sense of loss that enveloped this place in an eternal gleam of sorrow. Beauty that faded with each rising and falling of the sun, but never seeming to lose the ancient writings. The secrets had been long lost, the secrets of what the writing held, and none save the few that had learned to live in this place held the key to unlocking the city of lost souls…Atlantis, never to rise from the ashes as past phoenixes had…never to rise from the flaming fiery doom that cascaded over the walls so long ago. Atlantis, the last city they had ever been to, and the city most had died in and the very few that had survived refused to call this strange new place home.
How it says:
The waves eternally come and go, ebbing away and returning. A strong rock can weather it for only so long before it begins to crumble, and so the city was this way. Upright and strong, tall spires sticking into the sky, pulsing with a soft light, it was picture of radiant beauty and majesty. Simplicity and elegance in its simplest form. Archaic language covered the leaning walls, covered the ancient legend of old…covered the life that might be living in the very depths of it. But there was nothing other than the bleak form of nothingness, the powerful sense of loss that enveloped this place in an eternal gleam of sorrow. Beauty that faded with each rising and falling of the sun, but never seeming to lose the ancient writings. The secrets had been long lost, the secrets of what the writing held, and none save the few that had learned to live in this place held the key to unlocking the city of lost souls…Atlantis, never to rise from the ashes as past phoenixes had…never to rise from the flaming fiery doom that cascaded over the walls so long ago. Atlantis, the last city they had ever been to, and the city most had died in and the very few that had survived refused to call this strange new place home.
Thats really cool.
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