Dear Mommy

Dear mommy, 1

I am writing this to you to let you know how much i love you. Things have not always been that easy, life was hard for you, but you still did a great job and raised 2 beautiful girls.2

I don't remember much of my childhood just bits and pieces, like the time when my room caught on fire and i was jumping on bed bed screaming and you laid in bed in your room screaming shut the fuck up Natasha go back to bed.. ha ha you did not believe me and thought i was just trying to delay time so i would not have to go to sleep.. I remember when i was sick i would crawl into bed with you and you would make me some hot tea and sing me to sleep, My favorite songs where swing low sweet chariot and how much is that doggy in the window..i can still hear your voice in my head! 3

Those were some of the more happy memories, but life was not always so happy, and threw it all in the end you were there holding me saying it will be OK brownie i love you.. oh how i used to hate you calling me that.. my friends would hear you and make fun of me for days.. but still I'm glad you had that special name for me!4

Now that i am older i understand that it was not easy when daddy left you.. it was not easy to know the love of your life left you for another man.. but i never understood all of that.. and i now know.. that all the times when you got mad at me and told me i was a spoiled bitch and that you hated me cause i reminded you of "him" was because you were hurt and you did not know how to deal.. here you were a single mom trying to raise 2 lil girls on your own..and you felt helpless... but mom things got better....5

And mom i know i was hard to raise,and i said hurtful things.. but you now know i never meant them.. and when that new man came into your life.. of course i would not like him.. he was not my daddy... and i ran from you and the life you were now gona have with a man and his 2 sons.. and i cursed you.. and said hateful things.. and me and that man never got along.. to him i was just a spoiled lil bitch.. an ungrateful child with a fagot for a father.. oh how it hurt to hear him say those things about my "daddy".. those same words that i would spit out at my dad when i would get pissed....But you loved your new husband.. and all i wanted was for you to be happy.. and i wont sit here and say that it was him who was always wrong .. but the things he said hurt... they killed me inside.. and yes mom true like you said so many times before.. stop being ungrateful think of all the good. yes there was good.. but the hurt and pain took over all of that... but now years later I'm over it.. and i can love that man who you love.....I just needed time and to grow up...6

I know you feel like you lost me when i was just 13 but you didn't mommy i am still your lil girl... I'm still your brownie.. the lil baby girl who you held at birth and looked into my eyes and told me i was worth my weight and gold... oh how i loved it when you told me that story.... And mommy u mean so much to me.. i hope you realize it.. i member when you got sick.. i hated myself because i was so afraid something would happen and you would not know how much i loved you.. but i know now you do!7

And mom now after i have finished school..and went to college and moved out of state.. to move back and then leave you again... I am still your brownie and i always will be.. and i love you so much.. and i know its hard on you not seeing me as much now that i have went on to make my own life. but you still are and you will always be my hero.. my brave strong hero the greatest woman alive.. my mommy8

Love your daughter.. your brownie,9

Natasha Ann Marie Stewart10