Who's supporting who?

Dear mom and dad,1

what did I do to deserve this? Do you hate me because I was born? Did you intend for me to turn out some other way? some way better? what could I have done, when all I knew was what you told me, and all you told me was that I was worthless. I could never do anything right, nothing was perfect enough for you dad, I would try my hardest to impress you, but I was always a let down. If you could go back would you abort me? Or did you need that Welfare check to survive? Were you supporting me as a child? or was I supporting you? It seemed as though you were both more concerned with supporting your drug habits rather than me. I was just there to absorb your misguided angers. You two would never stop fighting, all the screaming and the yelling, all about nothing.2

We moved away from you dad, but I could never escape you, you're still here, always, still here to make me feel unworthy, useless, untalented,ugly, inept. Did it make you feel like more of a man always picking on me because I was the smallest? 3

You made so many promises mom, that you never kept. It was like a sport to you that you would always win. Promises of things that your drugs would make you forget. Promise me once that you will break every promise you make, then at least once you would have kept a promise, and that would just add another promise you broke.4

How would I have turned out if you two were better parents? Would my self esteem be higher? Would I be more confident? Would I be happier?5

I can't know these things, but you could have at least tried. Maybe it was all unintentional, and you never wanted me in the first place, but that doesnt make it right. I might have been an accident, but everything you did to me was on purpose.6

with only unconditional love,7

John8