One Last Cut..One More Memory..Chapter 4

Chapter 41

CHAPTER FOUR2

Reactions…3

If you think about all you have and who you are, it’s all a reaction from how you’re treated when you’re younger. If it wasn’t for that reaction, I would be ok. I wouldn’t be sitting here holding this knife to my wrist. I wouldn’t have lost all I once had. If it wasn’t for him; his actions that night; he was watching me. That night when my mom went out to get some more tea. It all plays over and over again in my head. All the words, all the fears, every tear still stains my face. Daddy no, please… “Don’t worry hun we’re just playing…” He took all that was so very precious to me. He stole my innocence when I was only 3...4

It’s like a science project going on all through life: reactions, guesses, recording, and keeping records. But it all begins the day your brought to this earth. And now I am in a place of understanding and blaming. Waiting for that state of freedom, waiting to join my mother in heaven.5

As I sit there, pressing a little harder, making this one count, I think, it’s all a reaction; it all started when two chemicals were mixed wrong. Just make it count. 6

"AHHHHHHHH" I yell into a pillow gripping my arm tight, as the blood from my body begins to drain.7

It will all be over soon I remind myself, as I lay there on the ground bleeding for the last time...8

"BUTTERFLY!!!" Skunk yells running in the front door.9

"I'V BEEN CALLING YOU FOR THE LAST 20 MINS YOU O...." He keeps yelling as he opens my door seeing me laying there on the floor.10

"I’m sorry Skunk... I’m sorry,” I tell him with tears streaming down my face.11

"Oh my God Butterfly!! I knew it! How could I have...?"12

I now knew what he meant when he said he wanted to talk; what he wanted to talk about. I knew it all along… I knew he knew…13

"Butterfly I shouldn’t have let you come home. I knew what you where doing. I should have stopped you sooner. This is all my fault; How could I have let you do it again?! What happened?" He said with a pleading sound to his voice as he holds me close, trying to stop the bleeding.14

I knew I had to tell him; I knew he had to know. I had so much to tell him yet so little time. So much to thank him for, so much he needed to know...15

"I can’t any more Skunk. He pushed me to far. He raped and beat me; he hurt me so bad. I’m sorry Skunk... I love you." I told him in my last breath.16

As I laid there motionless in his arms; no longer breathing, my heart no longer beating..17