Little boy Jeremy

Little Jeremy, just nine years of age, lay crouched in the corner of his house. It was lonely for the little one and dark as the candles were all blown out. His father was outside, protecting the village, fighting a pointless battle.1

Jeremy grabbed his linen cloth tighter as the sounds of warfare called outside. The clash of metal to metal, screams and horses neighing in fear filled the boy’s ears. He wanted it all to just go away but it wouldn’t, then in front of him most of the roof of the barn collapsed on the live pigs and cows.2

To Jeremy it looked like a big stone that broke through the roof one, that he would throw, but it wasn’t just a stone it was, a catapulted rock. Ranil was under siege. Jeremy was a brave one, as he did not shred a tear through this trauma, yet. Oh how the boy wished he would wake from this dream. Except this was no dream it was reality. Just as Jeremy closed his eyes, they suddenly opened every so quickly, always alert. He heard his father scream in agony dieing to pure steel. 3

Jeremy quickly climbed over the rubble, of the broken roof and got outside, and left the wooden barn. The brave boy could not see anything; it was raining so harshly that the soil was a big marsh. This did not stop Jeremy from running to his father though, he ran towards where he had heard his father scream. He crawled through the marsh for about ten minutes, screaming. “Father, FATHER WHERE ARE YOU?”4

His foot hit something, he looked down it was a dead soldier, the stupid invading army too, he spit on the corpse, and he crawled over it and then scurried off once more and examined each body, lifeless. The heavy rain from the heavens did not falter though as the boy looked, it drenched him, blinding. This boy could care no less for the rain, he just wanted to find his beloved father. More screams could be heard from the village, the farm this boy grew up in was on the far end of town. Screams of women, children and men dieing in pain rushed through his ears.5

He could not take it anymore, he screamed “SHUT UP! SHUT UP!” Over and over as he looked ever so frantically for his father. 6

Then he found him, motionless, eyes open and blood spilling from his mouth. Jeremy laid his head to rest on his father’s chest; the rain still had not given in. Nor had the invading army. The boy solemnly cried on his father.7

Then a thought came into this boy’s head that should not be in any humans head, young or old, strong or weak it was savage revenge. Jeremy ripped off his mother’s amulet from his father, and put it around his neck, it was a tear drop crystal. He held it tight, and then he took his father’s little knife from his pocket. 8

Just as if god himself was watching Jeremy god gave him a soldier to defeat, he was much taller then Jeremy of course, age undetermined as his iron helmet covered his head, his silver chained armor rattled as he ran at Jeremy, it was impossible to tell if he was seeing an illusion from the rain or the real soldier.9

Then a little light peaked out from the clouds, which reflected off the amulet, on Jeremy’s neck and blinded the soldier. Jeremy in his terrible rage ran at the man and stabbed him, in the heart. Dead. Jeremy frightened himself he had never killed no one, and he was soon on his knee’s in the mud, sobering silently at his opponent. 10

He cried for awhile, and the clouds started disappearing, ever so slowly but surely. The rain stopped, and the marsh wasn’t filled with water, but red fresh blood. The war waged on in the village, and then another soldier came at Jeremy from behind just as he was about to assassinate the little boy. Jeremy screamed and his hand flung up, as to block the sword and a ripple through the air was sent from his bare hand. It went right past the soldier ears, and ruptured his ear drums. Slaying the soldier, five seconds later the sonic boom was heard all the way to the village.11

But the fighting was still eternal, Jeremy had somehow killed this man. Jeremy looked at his palm, afraid of himself now, and everything going on.12

-Ya ya im not done, so what you want a 11000 story? LOL-

A contest entry

How many grammar mistakes did i make this time? 50? 2000?

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have 0. (?) (Line numbers)
    Ratings:

Comments


  • IceCrystal7
    November 8

    Edit | Reply
    Ahaha I saw one spelling mistake that stuck out, the word dieing, is dying. I am awful at grammer, don't ask me to scope out for anything else!!
    Other than that, I wouldn't mind if it was 11000 words! haha I loved it! The part with his father in paragraph 7 made me cry!! I loved it!